


The Accidental Slut

by K8BNimble



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Attempted Sexual Assault, Coercion, Consensual Kink, Hurt Steve Harrington, Language, Multi, Navel-Gazing, Sexual Content, Steve Harrington-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-11 23:16:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 51,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18434144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K8BNimble/pseuds/K8BNimble
Summary: Steve Harrington had never meant to become a slut but he didn't see anything wrong with it. Ok, he knew he had a hard time saying 'no' but he enjoyed sex - mostly - so there could be nothing wrong with that, right?  He liked that he could help people while still enjoying himself.  And he accepted that was enough for him.  Touching someone, having them touch you for awhile with no consequences? Until there were.Author's note - you'd think based on the title and description, there would be a lot more smut in this.  Sadly there's not.  There is some, but it's not overly descriptive.  They are more like mentions or brief glimpses. Do read the author's note before proceeding.IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ALL PAIRINGS AND THE FINAL PAIRING BEFORE READING, PLEASE SEE END NOTE ON THE LAST CHAPTER!  I get that some people don't like to read a story if they don't know the end pairing beforehand or that there might be some pairings involved that are not to your taste. Still, I hope I've done all of them justice. I don't want them in the tag because surprisingly there is a plot and the end note gives it away a  little.





	1. Secrets Will Out

**Author's Note:**

> Long author's note is long. Also Stranger Things does not belong to me. If it did, we'd have more episodes and shorter waits between them!!
> 
> 1\. This is the first multi-chaptered fic I've finished in quite some time. It was meant to be like 5k words of smut at best while I'm working on a longer, more plotty general ST story. Got completely sidetracked with this one. It was born of the fact I don't hardcore ship Steve with any other character in particular but I can also read him with any other character so I was figuring out how those could happen. It's also a response to Joe jokingly stating he ships "everything" so I decided to try that! 
> 
> Anyways, it's now 12 chapters long and about 50k of a little smut with a lot of navel-gazing and a little plot thrown in because I could. There is an endgame relationship that shakes out but it's kind of open. Story is finished but I'm still editing the second half. Should take no more than a month to post the entire thing. 
> 
> 2\. PAIRINGS - Steve DOES NOT have sex with anyone in the "Party". I don't want to name everyone he does have sex with - that's part of the fun - but assume many of the peers and adults you know and a couple OCs. Steve is 18 when he is with adults (even if barely). I will post the major pairings in the end note of the each chapter - but only for that chapter. If you really feel like you need to know all of them before you read, wait until I'm done posting the entire thing.
> 
> 3\. KINKS/WARNINGS - I'm not tagging kinks I mention. Very few are gone into in depth. There is an assault and sexual assault (again not described in-depth) and some serious dub-con situations in that Steve agrees to but for reasons other than wanting to be with that person. There is also discussion around rape and sex-shaming and a mild anxiety attack. If you are someone who gets triggered or bothered by these situations, please do not proceed. In general Steve is pretty accepting of most kinks and sex is treated (by him) fairly nonchalantly.
> 
> 4\. TENSES/NO BETA WARNING - Note that Steve is a bit muddled in the head through much of this. His head hurts and he's on meds so he tends to traipse down memory lane. I hope I've done a decent job separating what's happening now, when he's just thinking about a past occurrence during a conversation and a full on flashback (which will be in italics). That said, let me know if something seems really unclear. First chapter should be ok though! 
> 
> Seriously - read at your own risk. I'm not a fan of tagging every single thing that could possibly happen (as I don't like to be spoiled myself). I tend to do the major ones - in this case some serious dub con/ coersion for a couple of the pairings although Steve technically agrees or volunteers for everything. Tags may change as chapters are added
> 
> That said - if you read it, I hope you enjoy. I love Steve so don't worry, he'll be happy eventually.

**Chapter 1 - Secrets Will Out**

Steve probably should have seen this coming.  Probably months ago when they were celebrating Dustin’s18th birthday with a crappy pizza.  He never knew why Dustin liked the food there. Dustin had pointed out that someone had written ‘ _ For a good time, call Steve Whoreington _ ’ in a men’s bathroom and Steve just chuckled and said, “That should be Sluttington. Whores get paid. Dustin had just looked at him oddly but hadn’t commented.

Steve might not have been the straight A student Nancy was, but he wasn’t stupid.  At some point people were going to figure it out. It had never been a question of if but when and how. Not that he cared actually because he saw nothing wrong with it. It wasn’t illegal. It just...wasn’t generally accepted. Steve didn’t understand why people thought it wasn’t ok to make love to everyone you loved.  Why people couldn’t just enjoy the pleasures of the flesh for just being that - pleasurable? Why wouldn’t you want to give pleasure to those you cared about so long as everyone consented? But, outside of a few porn movies Steve had seen along the way, and rumors of orgies in large cities, acceptable society frowned on the kind of activity.  Hawkins was the farthest thing from a large city.

Of course, at least he was a guy and, right or wrong, it was more ok for guys to sleep around without commitment than for girls. But it was balanced by the fact that it was more ok for a girl to sleep with another girl than for guys to sleep with other guys.  Hell, most porn had at least one girl on girl scene and didn’t most guys fantasize about being with two girls at once? Not Steve - he just wanted one at a time. It didn’t really matter if it was a girl or guy, he could only focus on one person at a time and still enjoy himself and ensure his partners’ satisfaction. At least he thought that.  Truth be told, of everything he’d ever done sexually, a threesome or orgy had never been suggested by anyone. It was enough that Steve was their dirty little secret, he guessed no one had the nerve to invite anyone else to their private parties. Steve usually went along with his partners’ requests, privacy and secret-keeping among them.

But in small towns, people talked and those secrets usually became exposed.  Even in a town like Hawkins where some secrets were well hidden in shadows, others got out.  It wasn’t so much that Steve slept around but who he was sleeping around with that would cause tongues to waggle more than Billy Hargrove’s ever did.  He always thought when it came out, it would be by rumor or that someone would see Steve with a partner that was considered “unacceptable” and complain to a neighbor. 

Maybe someone would have seen him sneaking out of the wrong family’s house at midnight and ask their spouse about it the next day. Not that he often got involved with married people, but it happened on occasion - usually someone he really cared about or just couldn’t say no to.  He appreciated that married people didn’t specifically want more than sex, but he didn’t enjoy helping people cheat so it was a rare occurrence and for good reason. Or at least good enough for Steve not to hate himself for being unable to say no.

Or maybe it would be someone who saw an unlikely older person leaving with Steve from the family cabin while his parents were out of town again. Could be an old classmate would see two masculine shadows on the wall through the window in his guest room that were clearly engaged in salacious activities and giggled about it with their friends.  He wondered if Hopper had ever given ‘salacious’ as a word of the day for Jane. 

But no one would ever see those shadows in his bedroom.  That was Steve’s space alone. It’s where he fought sleeplessness frequently and the occasional nightmare.  One of the few places he felt safe to just be and not worry about keeping up appearances for anyone. If he cried, he cried.  If he screamed, he screamed. If he decided to read women’s magazine for hair tips, no one could embarrass him. If he just wanted to smoke a joint and jerk off, no one would be there to judge him.  It was unorthodox he supposed, but he slept better after sex but he preferred to sleep alone. Having sex in his room meant he’d have to kick out his partner. Plus, he didn’t trust anyone enough to give them free rein in his space.  There were few people he trusted to relax enough to sleep. Most of them were people he didn’t have sex with. He hasn’t had anyone in his room since Nancy and he actually dated.

Until tonight when a line had been crossed and he had woken up in his room with someone crouching over him, a meaty hand over his mouth, the other pawing at his boxers. Someone who was not supposed to be in house at all. That had been a rule for that particular partner. Never his house. He was one person not invited to the guest room where Steve entertained a few of his other lovers. But Steve had never wanted that man there.  Not only was there no convincing cover story that could have explained his presence, but he loathed the man and kept contact with him to a minimum. They only met at the family cabin. Steve never wanted the man even close to his actual home. He didn’t trust him. Even if the man had never seemed to want more than what they agreed to, Steve knew he was prone to violence so it was his way of ensuring his own safety.  Steve always reminded him on their ‘date nights’ that a note was left at his house explaining exactly where he was and who he was with so if anything happened to Steve, the police would know who the primary suspect should be. Steve thought it had been a good plan, that it had been smart. In his head he heard Hopper and Jane’s reminder echoing,  _ ‘We’re not stupid.’ _

 

Maybe he was.  Maybe he should have known when he had said it was over, that it really wasn’t.  That he had miscalculated on this one. 

At least he was a better fighter than when he was at 18, but it had been a near thing.  In every scenario he had taken part in over the last few years, rape fantasy had never been one of them.  Sure, he had sex with people he wasn’t particularly fond of, participated in some acts that were not his cup of tea - but he had agreed to all of them.  And he had certainly been careful in terms of birth control and condoms. That was a given since his one scare in ‘86. 

Hopper had looked so disappointed in him at the police station as he closed the door to his office as his assailant was screaming  _ ‘how could it be rape with a slut like that?’ _  Steve heard the long list of names through the wall of all the people he believed Steve had slept with interspersed with a series of increasingly insulting names in an increasingly louder voice so everyone at the station could hear every word no matter how many times Hopper yelled at him to keep it down. 

Steve thought that contrasted bizaarly with the words that had been whispered in his ear during the assault; “You’re mine, baby.  I can’t let you go.” Etc, etc...and so on. He’d never paid that much attention to words that people spoke during sex. They never meant them.  So even though he’d heard them in the past, he didn’t take any of them seriously. And he didn’t this time either. The man was just pissed because he’d lost his favorite toy.  But he’d get over it. After all, it had only been an agreement between them. Nothing more important than that. A bargain to keep more important people safe. A gentleman’s agreement so to speak, a secret just between the two of them.

Except now it wasn’t.  And he cringed when he saw Lacy Anderson, the town gossip, eagerly listening to the outburst.  She was eyeing Steve with disgust as words like ‘whore’, ‘faggot’ and ‘slut’ rang through the room.  Steve was sure she’d thought she’d hit the gossip jackpot. Apparently, she had come in to complain about her spring garden containers being stolen overnight and instead was leaving with the dirtiest gossip Hawkins had ever seen since Mayor Billings had been caught with a prostitute back in 76.

It was only 6:30 am. The news would be all over town by the next day. Steve felt like he owed certain people an apology when their names would be connected to his. He had never meant to hurt anyone.  He only wanted to comfort them. To make them happy when they deserved it, to comfort them when they needed it. He was sure they’d either hate him for ruining their reputation or pity him for him for being so weak and pathetic for allowing himself to be used.  

He heard the term ‘slut’ being shouted at over and over and Hopper’s loud bellow telling the man to quiet down.  Steve idly wondered if Tommy would spray-paint the theater marquee again, this time with Steve in the starring role.  At last this time it would be true, he thought bitterly. It was what he was...for better for worse. 

The annoying thing was it wasn’t like Steve didn’t enjoy himself.  Not so much in this this particular instance, but he liked sex in general.  He didn’t see anything wrong with being a slut. He never had. He knew others did.  Nancy did way back then. That was why Steve went along with Tommy’s bad idea for revenge.  He had wanted to hurt her like she hurt him (so he thought). It wasn’t the idea of her sleeping with someone else that bothered him, exactly.  It was who that person was at the time and that she had lied to Steve earlier that day. She had literally just lost her virginity with Steve that week and suddenly she was sleeping with another guy that had been taking photos of them?  That whole situation had given him what Billy used to call ‘the heebie jeebies.’ Steve had been really worried about her because he hadn’t trusted Byers at all. The irony of that thought almost made Steve laugh out loud. 

In Steve’s view, even bad sex was good sex - like pizza. It still filled a basic need even if it wasn’t the best in town.  Steve liked feeling connected to someone - anyone - even if it was only for a few minutes and he made them happy. No one had ever complained.  Most came back and only stopped when they had something or someone better come into in their lives.

On the plus side, he was sure the list of names that had been rattled off was much shorter than the actual list but there were a few he heard that were sure to raise some eyebrows.  There were also some names that were completely wrong and he felt bad for them. Their reputations could be tattered just because they were seen being nice to Steve a few times. He knew his reputation was shot but he didn’t much care about it, but he was worried  for the people he cared about he worried for most and how they might be affected. 

He did hope that maybe his job would be ok. Considering his boss was one of the people he occasionally ‘played with’, as she called it. He thought it would. Knowing Amanda, she’d probably want to play nurse for a night or two.  Or call it off altogether. Still, he was good at his job and she knew it. Her name wasn’t on the list and since she owned it, there would be few repercussions. Unless she personally had an issue with Steve, he felt fairly secure he’d be able to walk in on Monday, sit at his desk, drink coffee and look at numbers until his eyes blurred. It was boring as hell but it kept him in Hawkins so he could continue to patrol for the usual monsters and fulfill his usual responsibilities.  Most folks didn’t know where he worked anyways. It was dull but Steve liked dull. He had enough excitement on his off hours to keep him busy. And no one ever asked about his day. Well, the kids did sometimes but their eyes glazed over as he discussed year-end bookkeeping maintenance.

Speaking of kids, Dustin finally walked in looking distressed.  Long gone was the baseball cap and loose fitting clothes of his middle school years. Dustin had decided in his junior year he wanted to start dressing better as part of his efforts to get into the school of his choice and to finally get a girlfriend.  It hadn’t hurt that Dustin had found a fitness routine that worked for him, so while he was still on the short side, he carried fashion rather well. Steve had chuckled when Dustin had asked him to complete his makeover which, to him, was no laughing matter.  Indeed, Steve had an eye for what looked good. His mother had instilled that early on in life. What worked on his frame, what was appropriate for each occasion and always dress for the life you want and just a little bit better than everyone else.  _ ‘Not too much, dear. That is pretentious and tacky’.  _  The lessons still stuck with him even if he didn’t consciously agree with them.  It must have worked though as Dustin had managed to go through several girlfriends over the last two years.  They seemed pleasant enough but nothing long-term since Dustin planned to go MIT and didn’t want long-distance relationships.  But Dustin’s current relationship status on hold, he looked fairly well-coiffed for an early Friday morning. Better than Steve did at least in his old, worn-thin sweatpants and faded navy tee shirt.  Steve was afraid to even think about what his hair and face looked like. He’d avoided mirrors.

 

“Steve, Steve are you okay?” Dustin asked, voice thin and watery.  He stood in front of Steve wringing his hands as if he wanted to touch him but didn’t know if he should.  

There was some laughter across the room and he heard someone whisper meanly, “Is that  _ another _ boyfriend?”

Dustin just turned around and yelled, “Shut up, hag!”

Steve smiled at Dustin’s words.  He’d always been one of Steve’s fiercest defenders.  Steve hadn’t been going to bother responding to the woman although he felt sick that anyone would think he’d have done anything with any of the kids even if they were now older than he was when he started having sex.  Wow - were they really that grown up? They seemed so much younger than Steve had felt at that age.

Steve lost his virginity at fifteen with Amy Parkins in a fast, nerve wracking fumble in her basement.  It had been weird, wet and gloriously funny. She had actually been a little more experienced than him, although not by much but she had a great sense of humor about the whole thing and they learned a lot in the three months they were together.  Contrary to popular belief, she left him. Another guy had caught her eye and she went off with him. Jason then left her after shortly before Steve and Nancy broke up so Amy ended up being the first person he slept with again after Nancy. She suggested they use each other to “get back on the saddle” so to speak.  She didn’t want to date but, in her view, if they had sex with each other then neither of them would race into another bad relationship just because they were horny. Seemed logical to Steve. And Amy was fun. 

They still got together rather frequently. Amy really liked sex, and she really liked it with Steve but otherwise - like Nancy - she still didn’t want more.  Sadly, she was one of the names that had echoed through the door. He guessed he’d been seen two weeks ago when she had called him up and asked for some company.  Luckily, she probably wouldn’t care. She didn’t when people spoke of her tattoos or the nose ring she got for her 19th birthday which she got in Chicago - along with some new toys she asked him to try with her.  

“STEVE!”  Dustin yelled, snapping Steve’s attention to him.  

Steve hadn’t realized he was tripping down memory lane and not paying attention to his surroundings. He was so tired and his head hurt.  He just wanted to be done here. “Oh, sorry. Yeah, I think. Hopper wants me to go to the hospital.” Steve didn’t want to. He had refused the ambulance earlier in order to accompany Hopper to the station.  But he didn’t also want to talk to Dustin even more as he knew Dustin would drag every detail he could out of Steve before hitting him upside the head for being a dumbass. At least going to the hospital could delay that inevitable discussion.  

“Yeah, Hopper said.  He needs a catalog of injuries for the charges. I’m going to let him know I’m taking you,” Dustin said as he squeezed Steve’s shoulder before heading to knock on Hopper’s door.  He hoped Dustin wouldn’t try to rush in and strangle anyone.

Steve closed his eyes again.  The sun was coming up and the light shining through the windows was piercing.  Hopper had been right to call Dustin. He knew Steve wouldn’t take himself, even if his car was there.  It was still back at the house.

The house.  Fuck. He was sure once his parents heard about his escapades, they’d finally make him leave.  They kept the house for tax purposes. Having Steve live there to care for it seemed to work for them since they sure as hell seem to hate Hawkins (and Steve, he thought bitterly to himself) with as few times as they actually came home.

Well, it was probably time to move out. He wouldn’t ever feel safe in his room again. He wondered idly if his parents would let him live in the cabin.  He shook his head. That was probably a dumb idea. People knew where it was, including people like the jackass in the other room. Considering the events of the night and the slim chance of him actually going to prison, it didn’t seem like a safe choice.  Crap. He’d have to find a place to rent. That ought to be interesting. He wondered once the story got out, how many people would actually be willing to rent to him.

His head throbbed.  He couldn’t think anymore.  He felt a hand on his shoulder and thought it was Dustin, but he looked up to see Hopper gazing at him in concern.

“Steve, I want to say,” Hopper looked around nervously before softly whispering, “I’m sorry. I’ll do what I can to keep him locked up for assault and trespassing but anything else I don’t know if …” he looked away and trailed off. Steve knew why.  He already knew he wasn’t going for attempted rape, even if everyone currently in the police station had heard in graphic detail what had happened. Attempted rape was hard enough to prove for a woman - but for a guy it was unheard of. Plus, he knew his whole history would be explored and that would cause even more discomfort to those he cared about - like Hopper.

“It’s ok, Hopper. I understand.”

“BULLSHIT! That’s bullshit! That man tried to…” Dustin yelled, trying in his usual way to protect the underdog.  Steve loved him but it was too much.

”DUSTIN - STOP!” Steve stood and covered Dustin’s mouth, trying not to flinch at the sense memory of it being done to him. “Please.  Stop,” he added quietly as he pulled his hand away slowly when Dustin nodded. Steve turned to Hopper and smiled weakly. “We’ll go now.  Just do what you can. And thanks...for everything.” 

Hopper grimaced but nodded back.  In a low voice Hopper said, “We’re going to have to talk about this soon.”

And Steve knew he didn’t just mean about this one incident.  He did not look forward to that conversation. He just wanted to help.  He always only wanted to help. How the fuck had it gone so wrong?


	2. Friends Don’t Lie (Around with Just Anyone)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is released from the hospital and he and Dustin have a lot to say to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of Dustin and Steve arguing and bonding in this chapter. In other words, Steve needs a hug, Steve gets a hug eventually. Also, find out who the terrible man is who hurt poor, angsty Steve. 
> 
> If you want to see what pairings are mentioned (or who "The Man" is before you read), please go to the end notes of this chapter. I will list out the major ones mentioned in this chapter. This is not all of them for the entire fic.

**Chapter 2 - Friends Don’t Lie (Around with Just Anyone)**

After the hospital had catalogued his cuts, bruises, contusions and stitched him up, Dustin took Steve home after arguing about it.  They had wanted Steve to stay for observation because his history of concussions concerned them. One unusually progressive doctor even asked if he had been raped.  Steve assumed the doctor asked based on the fingerprint-shaped bruises on his thighs. He had said no and refused a more thorough examination. Steve also refused to stay or answer additional questions about his sexual history.  That would have taken all night.

Dustin assured the hospital staff that he would stay with Steve before they released him. 

On the drive home, after some long silent minutes, Dustin finally broached the subject Steve had been dreading.  “Is it actually true, then? Did Hargrove try to rape you?” Dustin’s eyes were glued to the road ahead as if he were just talking about the weather, but Steve could see the tenseness in Dustin’s jaw.

Steve wasn’t sure what Hopper had told him so Steve nodded and muttered a soft, “Yes.” Steve looked out of the window.  He noticed Mr. Johnson walking his yappy little shih tzu. He imagined the dog was gossiping about Steve already.

“Was it…?” Dustin faltered, clearly unsure of how to verbalize the question.  Finally, he asked, “Had he ever done that before? I mean - showed an interest in you?  I never would have thought he was gay. The way Max talked about him, he didn’t seem like he even tolerated people who were gay.“ Dustin stopped talking when Steve started laughing uncontrollably.

He couldn’t help himself.  He blurted out, “Well he’s a big, fat hypocrite! For crying out loud, we’ve been having sex for almost four years now.  Almost every other fucking Thursday night he came to the cabin and I put up with his bullshit. With his clammy hands and ugly mustache on me.” Steve felt sick.  He felt sicker knowing on many of those occasions, he’d actually come. With someone he hated. Of course, when he thought on it, he often came harder during ‘hate sex’.  With a few exceptions - thank you, Jonathan Byers.

Dustin slammed on the brakes and pulled off the road. “What?!  Why the fuck? Since you were what 19? With him? Do you...do you love him or something?”

At first, Steve thought he meant Jonathan then realized he’d only been thinking about him.  That Dustin didn’t know about Jonathan. Dustin only knew about the man currently in jail - Mr. Neil Hargrove who also loved being called ‘Sir’. What a fucking joke. Steve laughed even louder at the thought of loving him.  He looked at Dustin incredulously. “LOVE him?! Who the fuck could love someone like that? He’s an asshole. And, yes, he’s gay, but he hates that he’s gay so he hates anyone else who is - except I guess when he doesn’t.” He knew Dustin wasn’t quite following Steve’s train of thought so he tried to clarify.  “Sometimes, it gets to be too much to hide and when you have the chance to be with someone and not hide, well, you take advantage of it. He certainly did.”

“I don’t understand,” Dustin looked at him like he had never seen Steve before.  

“No, I guess you wouldn’t.”  Steve leaned his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes.  “I’m not sure I do. But I like sex. I’m good at sex. I miss it when there’s no one around.  I’m apparently a really good fuck. Just ask anyone. Ask Nancy. She always comes back during her breaks,” he laughed softly.  She’ll be shocked as hell when she hears this. Steve expected a good, long scolding session from her. Maybe he should just disconnect the phone.

“Nancy?  You still love…” Dustin asked, clearly trying to understand something he was out of his depth on.

Steve opened his eyes again and looked at his friend.  “It’s not about love, Dustin. I mean in some cases, maybe it is.  For me though, it’s mostly about helping people. If they want to be touched, I’ll touch them.  I never go where I’m not wanted. It’s something I can actually do that helps...or at least it did. I guess after tomorrow, Nancy probably won’t be back. For that matter I doubt any of them will.  I doubt it will break anyone’s heart, either.” 

He took a deep breath and realized he wanted to be sure Dustin understood something Steve thought was very important. “None of them wanted to date me.  Or wanted to be with me for anything other than sex. And I was clear with them that I saw other people. No one was blind or misled or thought I was exclusive with them.  And no one wanted to be with just me except ...well - maybe except for...” He pinched his hose and breathed heavily in disgust at the one person who actually seemed to only want him.  

The same person that assaulted him, that called him all kind of fun names when they fucked but still claimed to only fuck his wife to keep up the pretense of their marriage.  Who insisted that Steve stop seeing other people so they wouldn’t need condoms. Who had some kinks that Steve wished he’d never heard of - although he refused to take part in some of them.  Giving a blowjob to a gun, or being fucked by one, didn’t seem like a smart idea. Those suggestions were why he also never let Neil tie him down. Steve had allowed the spanking & paddling, had allowed other toys, slaps to the face and or a punch or two to the gut and, even the occasional fist in his ass (‘let’s see how much you can take, boy!’), but he refused restraints and calling Neil “daddy.”  And blindfolds. He needed to see what that fucker was doing. 

He also never let that asshole kiss him on the mouth.  Very few people did. Steve was very clear about that. As weird as it was, he only kissed the people he actually cared about most, otherwise he didn’t mind how most people touched him - in pleasure or in pain.  As long as he felt something, he was pretty okay with it. And he was happy to touch them however they wanted, although he was definitely much better at giving pleasure than pain, he could perform however they needed him to.  Just no kissing. He was saving that for people who loved him in some kind of way and there were just not that many of them. He could list on one hand the people he allowed to kiss him and wasn’t that strange?. Somewhere he had heard that’s what prostitutes did so maybe ‘Whorington’ was a better name for Steve after all. 

He may have never been touched by a hand that actually loved him, but he had been touched by many hands that at least liked him and that was good enough, right? That kept him from being just a whore? But was there anything wrong with that anyways?  It was the oldest profession, right? 

‘Who else?” Dustin asked in a sharp tone, interrupting his thoughts.

“Why?  You feeling left out? I mean you’re 18 now, maybe you want to try something little different then Beverly or Kristen.”  Steve knew it sounded snarky. He glared out the window not wanting to see the accusation or, more remotely, possible interest in Dustin’s eyes.  He felt sick at that thought. In theory, he could see Dustin was attractive in general, but the “Party,” for Steve, was a straight up no. He couldn’t ever see any of them that way.  His biggest fear was that someday one of them might try something and he’d be unable to say no just because apparently he never knew how to say no. He always promised himself if that ever happened, he would find a way to not go along to get along as he usually did. 

The only person he’d ever slept with who was under 18 when he wasn’t was Billy. It’s not like Billy had given him much of a choice and at least they were contemporaries.  Billy had been a senior at the time and almost 18. And Steve had only had sex with adults after he’d turned 18, although it had been a close thing with Miss Butler, the geometry teacher when he was a sophomore.  His tutoring sessions with her seemed a little too close for comfort, but she’d never actually done much more than hint around and touch his thigh higher than was needed to demonstrate complementary angle theorems. It never occurred to him that she hadn’t needed to demonstrate it on his thigh at all until much later. By then she had already transferred so he never bothered to mention it to anyone. 

Dustin slammed his hand onto the steering wheel. “Fuck you! Just trying to wrap it around my head.  How can you like boys and not tell me? Do you still like girls? How could you…,” Dustin sputtered off as if he didn’t even know what questions to ask first.  It was clear he was angry.

Steve wasn’t sure what he had to be angry about.  It’s not he was the one to once again get his head bashed in.  Maybe he was just disappointed to see his idol tarnish the shimmer Dustin had painted on him so many years before.  He was pretty sure none of the other kids would never speak to him again, particularly if certain names did come out.  Even if some of them were only rumors. 

“If you’re not comfortable with me anymore, I’ll understand,” Steve whispered. His heart sunk.  He knew once this got out that people would look at him differently. He thought again about he didn’t understand why you couldn’t make love with all the people you loved (and even some you didn’t) but he knew society frowned on that.  Of course, it also frowned on experiments with kids and teenagers risking their lives to save the very society who is judging them but it still happened - so there it is.

“What?!  No it’s not that.  And God no - I do not want to have sex with you. Ugh.” Dustin said, his face was pinched in distaste. Steve felt like he should be insulted but instead he felt relieved until Dustin asked, “How many?  Besides him and Nancy...how many people have you had sex with?”

“I don’t know.  I don’t keep a running tally.  It’s not a fucking race or competition.”  Steve looked away, anger and frustration building up inside and then turned back to Dustin. “I can see you’re disgusted.  Which one is the problem for you - the numbers or the sex?” Steve asked angrily.

“NO! NEITHER! Both...I don’t know.  It’s like...I don’t even know you. Like - how could you let yourself be with all those people if you didn’t love them at least a little?  Not after how long you pined after Nancy? I felt horrible that you never seemed to get over her and now I find out not only are you still sleeping with her but, like, with a ton of other people.  It feels like everything I know about you is wrong. How does that happen? How does that not break your heart every time you sleep with her? How many people does it take to pretend it doesn’t matter?  It’s bullshit!” 

“Yeah, that seems to be the general consensus, doesn’t it?”  Steve muttered to himself and looked away. As big a talker as Dustin could be, down deep he was a romantic. He’d never slept with a girl to just have sex.  The two girlfriends he had were the only two he had been with and he had really cared for them. Maybe it hadn’t been love - but it had been close enough for high school. Dustin had treated them much better than Steve had probably treated anyone. He was just reminded again of the overwhelming consensus of his character. “I’m a slut. I’m bullshit.”

“What? Dustin turned in his seat and turned off the car.  “You’re not bullshit.”

Steve eyed him in disbelief.  

“You’re NOT!” Dustin said, emphatically.  “The situation is bullshit. I just can’t see why the Steve Harrington I know would do this.  He wouldn’t just sleep around indiscriminately.”

“Except that I do.  I’m a slut! Why does that make me a horrible person?! I don’t see why enjoying sex is such an issue for everyone.  But apparently it is. It’s just sex. People have it all the time. It’s normal!”

Dustin huffed, clearly frustrated that he’s not making his concerns clear to Steve but Steve isn’t in the mood for Dustin’s usual meddling.  He doesn’t understand why people care who Steve has sex with or how many or why. OK, yeah, in the case of certain people, they are breaking some vows, but it’s not like Steve made those vows.  After seeing his own parent’s marriage and his last real girlfriend’s version of love, he doubt he ever would. 

Steve still believed in love - just not the unconditional bullshit of a parent’s love or the romanticized bullshit of true love for him personally but he saw it was true for others.  He did believe the concept of loving friends or family enough to risk your life for them. To give what you can of yourself to make them happy and have them care about you too, if only for a few hours.  Steve would take what he could get. Make those he cares about happy and cure his own loneliness and boredom at the same time. It wasn’t that difficult to understand. 

Steve heard Dustin take a deep breath. “Sex is normal, Steve.  What you’re doing isn’t. Or it isn’t healthy, at least. And apparently all the advice you’ve given me over the years was just a lie?  How many times have you told me I’d find the one? How many times have you reassured me that someday I’d fall in love and to be patient?  To always treat myself like I mattered and to not just waste my time on people who didn’t see how great I was. That was you, right? All those times?”

“And I meant that.  For you, the right one will come.  You deserve it,” Steve said, confirming his beliefs.

Dustin shook his head in disbelief and seemingly in some kind of understanding.  “And you don’t deserve it?” 

Steve knew no answer he had would satisfy Dustin.  He just knew Dustin did deserve better than what Steve did.  And Steve was okay with that. 

Dustin let out a long sigh when Steve didn’t answer. “Just how many,” Dustin asked again.

“Does it matter?  Does it matter if it’s five, ten or twenty?  At what point does it become unacceptable to you, Dustin?  And yes - men and women. I’m bisexual. I like both. So, yes, I’m a slut, Dustin. I didn’t mean for it to be that way.  It just happened.”

“So what  - you became a slut by accident?  What did you do? Trip and fall and your dick just slid into Marcy Dexter or something?  Or did you fall backwards into Todd Johnson and his dick went up your ass repeatedly?” Those were a couple of the names Dustin must have heard.

“First of all, no.  I did not fall onto Todd’s dick.  I rode him like any good slut would do,” Steve bit out nastily, in an attempt to shock Dustin.  “And Marcy never happened. Even I’m not that needy. Marcy was a nasty piece of work and always smelled like garlic.  He’d had to work with her at Scoops Ahoy when he had first graduated and loathed her. One the other hand, he would have probably slept with Robin if she had ever given an indication she was interested but that never happened either.  “And stop being so judgy. You make it sound like being a slut is the worst thing in the world.” 

“Goddamnit, Steve. I’m not trying to be judgy.  I’m just trying to understand how this happened.”

Steve took a deep breath to calm himself.  He wasn’t angry at Dustin. He was just...angry in general.  Angry and hurt and so tired of everything. In a softer tone he tried to explain.  “I like sex so I guess that is what people would call me. It doesn’t matter how many there are.  It doesn’t matter who they are. I’m not going to out anyone else for having the bad taste of sleeping with me.  I’m sure you’ll hear the rumors soon enough. Just drop me off and go home.” Steve put his hands over his eyes. He was done with this conversation.  He just wanted to get home.

Dustin stared at him.  “No, I’m staying with you.  You’re in no shape to stay alone tonight.”  He still sounded dismayed with Steve.

Steve laughed, almost trying to mentally push Dustin away.  He really didn’t know if he could handle the other man’s disappointment.  “Ok, but you should know, I’m in no shape to fuck you today so don’t get any ideas.”

“That’s not funny,” Dustin spit out.  “Again, I have no interest in you. One, I just like girls.  Two, you’re like my brother, man. That’s just...wrong. I’m seriously hoping you have never thought of me that way.”

Steve grimaced.  “Love you man, but god no.  Truthfully I don’t think of many of my partners that way at first.  They usually come on to me and I just...don’t say no.”

Dustin hummed low before asking, “And that doesn’t strike you as unhealthy?”

Steve shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe.  Doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it, though.”

Dustin rolled his eyes. “I’m just worried about you.  I want to be sure you’re safe. There’s just so many stories about diseases and other stuff.”

Steve was oddly touched but still a little annoyed, “I’m not contagious. I promise.  Like any good little slut, I use condoms and get tested.” He knows the answer is partly what Dustin is looking for but still sarcastic enough to keep Dustin at arm’s length.  He hated that he felt so conflicted. He was annoyed that Dustin was so angry about Steve when Steve really didn’t see the issue but on the other hand it was nice that someone seemed to like him without actually having sex with him.  

“I just don’t understand how you could let someone like that touch you.  Or why you would want to. How you could enjoy that? Or why you think so little of yourself that you don’t deserve better?”  Dustin’s voice cracked with emotion. 

There was a long pause and the radio started playing, “Hit Me with Your Best Shot.”  Both Dustin and Steve stared at it.

“Well, if that isn’t the universe giving me a big fuck you, then I don’t know what is,” Steve muttered.

Dustin shut the radio off and crossed his arms, seemingly in deep thought.  “Why tonight?” he asked. “Why did he come to your house tonight? You said he met you at the cabin on Thursdays?  It’s Saturday and he came to your house. I mean technically I guess he came to your house on Friday...wait what time did he get there?”

“2:30 I guess.  I don’t know. I was asleep - and you’re digressing, Dustin.” Steve also didn’t want to answer him.

“Ok...yeah I am.  But why? What changed?”

“You graduated,” Steve answered.

Dustin furrowed his eyebrows.  “I graduated? What do I have to do with it?”

Steve leaned his head back again.  He was really exhausted and wondered why twenty questions couldn’t happen later.  It was 9:00 am. He just wanted to take the pain meds the hospital gave him lay down even if he wasn’t allowed to pass out yet.  He had strict instructions to try to stay awake for another eight hours then he could try to sleep. If he did doze off, he needed to be awakened every hour. That’s why Dustin was coming home with Steve. 

“Not you, dipshit.  Your class. School’s done and she’s gone.  I told him the arrangement was over. He wasn’t happy.”

Dustin’s eyes widened.  Steve knew he was smart.  He knew Dustin would understand.

“You made a deal to keep Max safe?”

“To keep both of them safe, yes.”

“Max AND Billy?  Why the hell would you do that?”

“What part of TO KEEP THEM SAFE do you not understand?” Steve said, staring at him.

“I guess I knew that her dad could be strict but what did you need to keep them safe from? Dustin asked and then gaped as he looked at Steve’s face and understanding came to him.  “Son of a bitch! He hit her? Them?” Dustin asked in a shrill tone. 

“Mostly him, I think. He hadn’t moved on to her quite yet before...before I came along to be sure it didn’t,” Steve said quietly.

“Who else are you keeping safe?” Dustin asked.  “Because that’s not your job.” 

Steve stared at Dustin incredulously.  “Not my job? That’s been my job since you hijacked me and my bat to go after your little slug.  Since Nancy and Jonathan thought they could take on a demogorgon all by themselves with a gun that Nancy couldn’t aim properly and a bat Jonathan couldn’t hold onto.  It’s been my job since you dickwads couldn’t keep your heads down when Billy fucking Hargrove showed up with a fire in his belly and a growing hard on for me or when you thought it was a great idea to lure a hundred fucking demodogs towards our little merry band of idiots to help Supergirl close a huge fucking gate to the other side.  I’ve been patrolling the woods making sure none of them were left! I’ve been keeping all of you safe for five fucking years!” And not just from monsters from alternate dimensions, he thought to himself.

There was a long silence as Dustin absorbed Steve’s rant.  “Billy Hargrove...did you.. him too? To keep us safe?” Dustin gulped, apparently hung up on a thought from a few seconds back.  It was clear Dustin had an epiphany of exactly why Billy Hargrove had suddenly become so tolerable towards the party in 1985 and it had nothing to do with Max and a nail bat.  Like that would have worked long-term with someone like Billy. He would have just waited until Max didn’t have the upper hand before exacting payback. Someone like Billy, as he had been back then, would have needed a better reason to behave like a normal person rather than the angry mess he was.

“Like father, like fucking son,” Steve spat out.  “Although Billy was first. Daddy only came into the picture after he saw his boy with me. Guess he decided he liked what he saw. So yeah…” Steve paled and grabbed the car handle.  He barely made it out of the side of the car before vomiting thinking back on that first encounter. 

Steve had intervened before Neil had hit Billy too much, allowing Billy to escape to the camaro with no thought of the predicament he had left Steve in: alone with a violent, seemingly homophobic man who had just hit his own son. Steve thought he was going to die naked in Billy’s room when Neil had turned to him, face reddened in anger and something else.  Steve had seen something in Neil’s eye as he raked them over Steve’s flushed bare chest and slightly wet cock from where Billy had been sucking him that gave him the idea to take a chance when he asked nonchalantly, “So are you going to kill me or fuck me? Your son kind of left me hanging.” His heart had been pounding in fear but he thought if he just portrayed it as a ‘no strings attached’, meaningless encounter, maybe he’d get out with his life.  If not, he doubted the beating would be any worse. The shock alone might have given Steve the time he needed if he had to escape. Billy had still been at least half-dressed when he ran out. Steve would have been arrested for indecent exposure which would be preferable to be dead but fortunately (or not), Steve had read Neil correctly. So Steve had his first time with Neil in Billy’s room. Then when Neil asked to see him again, Steve offered the deal.

The memories made the bile rise up in his throat again and he heaved out the last of whatever was in his stomach.

Dustin ran around the side of the car and rubbed Steve’s back until he was finished.  Steve looked up and asked plaintively, “Can we just go home now?”

“Yeah, sure buddy.  Let’s go.” Dustin helped him up and put him back in the car.

 

\---

The rest of the drive was silent as was the entrance into the house.  Before Steve went up to take a shower, he turned to Dustin pacing nervously in the living room.

“There’s some sugar cookies on the counter and leftover meatloaf in the fridge if you’re hungry.  I’d make you pancakes, but I’m a little wiped out.”

Dustin nodded.  “No worries. I’ll make something for us when you come down.”

“Since when do you cook, Dustin?” Steve asked, curious.  He always cooked when the kids came over.

“I’m not as good as you, but sometimes I do have to fend for myself.  I can make decent scrambled eggs and toast,” Dustin said with a grin.

“Ok,” Steve laughed.  “Hey, Dustin. Thanks….for everything.” Steve meant it.  He knew he was wrong to take out his messed up emotions on Dustin. 

“Sure.  I mean, I don’t get it but I’m trying and I still…” Dustin ended up running over to Steve and hugging him.  “I love you. DON’T take that the wrong way. But I do.”

Steve rustled his hair even if Dustin was almost as tall as him now.  

“For the record, they were the only two I had to keep anyone safe from,” Steve lied.  He felt the need to reassure Dustin. There was no need to tell him everything. “Everyone else was...well they were better.  And Billy honestly wasn’t that bad after a while. I was actually a little sad to see him leave town last year.”

“OK, good, I guess. It’s still not healthy and we will talk about it later, but I’m really glad you’re safe.”  Dustin went back to the kitchen as Steve headed upstairs.

Talking about Billy brought up conflicting emotions for Steve.  He knew why Billy had left town. Once he realized the Max was safe, he didn’t need to stay around anymore.  Billy would have been second longest continuous relationship Steve had had next to Neil, which was gross to think about.  They had started before Steve graduated until last year when he finally went back to sunny California after a long argument.  Hawkins was too small for Billy and Steve couldn’t leave. Billy had wanted him to. Even if he knew they hadn’t really been dating and neither were exclusive, he had still wanted Steve to go with him to start over.  To actually try dating for real. Steve had laughed. He hadn’t meant to. 

Steve had laughed at the idea that he could leave Hawkins.  That he could leave the kids before they graduated. Or that he could actually move away and start over and forget about government wonks who threatened kids and families if certain secrets were revealed, of monsters who ate people or possessed minds, of human monsters who abused kids.  But Billy had taken it personally and punched Steve before he could explain. Not that he could. Billy was not in the “need to know” group. Steve knew if he had said anything, well - the consequences would have been severe. Some agents had been very clear about that. And that since he had no siblings or parents that were in still in Hawkins as “insurance,” Steve himself was not allowed to leave town without possibly just disappearing. Truthfully, they hadn’t wanted anyone “in the know” to leave Hawkins but Jonathan and Nancy had been given permission to leave for now - so long as everyone ‘behaved’.  Along with other reasons. So Steve had been in no position to tell Billy the truth.

Billy wouldn’t have believed him anyways.  

In anger and no having no reasonable explanations, Steve pushed back.  While it wasn’t the all out brawl it had been in his senior year, there were certainly enough hits to leave marks on both of them. It reminded Steve that even if he could have left Hawkins, an actual relationship with Billy was stupid (we’re NOT stupid).  He was volatile, insecure and a jackass who liked pain - both giving and receiving - a little too much. Had laughed in the past when Steve suggested they use “safe words” (thank you, Nancy, for that idea). 

Steve had made the mistake of saying Billy was just like his father which had the positive effect of stopping Billy in his tracks. Then it just got to be an argument filled with ugly words until Steve blurted out about how Hargrove men like to pretend like they’re not gay but they sure loved fucking Steve’s ass hard enough that sometimes it was hard to walk the next day.  That it was all bullshit. He thought it was becoming his catchphrase.

At that moment, it was clear Billy had never thought about why Neil had stopped hitting him in his senior year.  It had never occurred to him that Steve had cut the same deal with his father as he had with Billy when Steve reminded him of how they started.  Billy stared at him as if he had forgotten that he had basically blackmailed Steve into a quote unquote ‘relationship.’ That Billy had bought Steve’s time with Max’s safety.  That Neil had bought Steve’s time with Billy’s safety. 

Steve assumed Billy was the one who wrote the message in the mens room of the Pizza Hut since that was one of the first “public” places Steve had sucked his dick. 

Good times.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK - just in case you want to know some info ahead of time (just because I don't want to wait until the last chapter) - here are the major pairings mentioned in the chapter. 
> 
> SO SPOILERS!!!!!
> 
> Steve/Neil (the man!!) - I hope that was a surprise?!  
> Steve/Billy (also coersion involved but he does get some redemption here before he leaves in this chapter. It's not the last you'll see of him and he's not always bad!)  
> Steve/Nancy (mentioned)  
> Steve/Jonathan (hinted)  
> Some OCs mentioned


	3. A Triangle Needs Three Sides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve & Dustin continue bonding and Dustin gets a few more details of Steve's history.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter. Apologies, it just happened to flow that way. Again, pairings mentioned are in the end notes.
> 
> Plus a guest appearance/mention by a recurring character from another show. If you don't recognize it, no worries. If you can spot and identify, cookies to you (and yes, timewise, he might have be able to do this - not enough about that character is known to say yes or no). I think I may need to a crossover at some point (I have several others in mind!). Also, a dumb reference of a famous musical that hasn't been written yet just because I wanted to.

**Chapter 3 - A Triangle Needs Three Sides**

 

Steve came down from his shower and Dustin had breakfast ready.  He wasn’t hungry but knew he should eat. He was hot and tired and thought he was going to fall face-first onto the breakfast bar.

Dustin had brought the mail and newspaper and piled it on the counter. There was a large envelope that Steve assumed was from Jonathan, probably containing his latest favorite photos.  Unlike Nancy, Jonathan stayed in touch even when he was outside of Hawkins. Mostly packages with his projects that Steve saved in an album he kept upstairs. Sometimes a phone call when Jonathan was high and feeling chatty or wanted a little dirty talking from Steve to help get him off over the phone.  Jonathan never said much, but he seemed to like the sound of Steve’s voice. He even liked Steve’s singing voice, although he hated the songs Steve chose to sing to him. He loved laughing at Steve’s rendition of Small Town by John Cougar or John Mellencamp or Fawn Tiger Melonball which is what they usually called him.

It made him wonder what Jonathan would think about all of this.  He’d been suggesting that Steve leave Hawkins for some time. But he didn’t know about the discrete threats certain agents had made when they occasionally checked in at the Harrington's.  OK - so it was one agent specifically. But he had a badge, a gun and the ability to do things or lose things as needed even if he was a newbie agent. And rookie Agent Alex Krycek hadn’t liked the idea of Jonathan or Nancy leaving town.  But he did seem to like Steve. 

Something Steve had learned to read quickly was when someone who shouldn’t like him, did.  So during one particular visit after graduation when it became clear he was not allowed to leave town for college, he had asked about the probability of Nancy and Jonathan’s future plans for college working out better than his had. One agent just laughed but when he left the room, the other watched him carefully and asked, “How important is it to you?” 

At first, Steve hadn’t understood what he was fishing for until the man slid a surveillance photo to him that showed Billy and him in a very compromising position.  Steve had covered the man’s hand on the photo and just tapped it saying, “It’s very important to me. I’d be very grateful if they could continue their education outside of Hawkins.”

He hadn’t been sure if the message had gotten through until two months later when the man arrived alone on his porch and said he had a few follow-up questions and that his partner had been reassigned.

So he made a “Billy” deal he really had never spoken of to anyone.  It only happened a few times but it was enough that the acceptance letters for NYU for Jonathan and for Princeton for Nancy weren’t intercepted and replaced with rejection letters. Steve wasn’t sure what the government might have done if Jonathan and Nancy had left town even without going to college. They were sure wary of their little group.  After the stunt Nancy and Jonathan had pulled in 1984, the government was unhappy with all of them. But that agent was happy with Steve and he wasn’t unpleasant to be with so Steve thought it was a good deal the whole way around. He hadn’t seen Krycek in at least seven months. It was often that long in between visits as Hawkins wasn’t exactly a hotbed for FBI visits.  He assumed it was tough to explain those on expense reports. But when he did show up, he usually stayed for a few days. Steve wondered how Krycek would know exactly when his parents would be gone but if he thought too deeply on it, he’d make himself paranoid. He wondered if Krycek would find out about this or if he would care. Probably not, so long as his presence remained unknown.  

Steve shook his head and brought himself back into the present.

Dustin asked if Steve wanted to eat in the kitchen or watch tv as he finished plating up and handed one to Steve.  He also grabbed some coffee for himself. Steve wished he could have some but couldn’t begrudge Dustin. The boy was not an early riser.

They decided to eat in front of the tv and watch a movie.  It was one of the Airport disaster movies which was perfect for ignoring the elephant in the room for awhile.  After the the movie, Dustin took the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. Steve could hear Dustin thinking from the living room even as he was nodding off.  His exhaustion was overwhelming. He was starting to nod off.

Dustin walked back out and stood there staring at him.  Steve could almost feel Dustin’s eyes as he was starting to drift into dreamland.  Dustin clapped his hands and startled Steve to full consciousness.

“Wake up.  You can’t sleep yet.  Let’s talk.”

“OK, about what?”  Steve was beginning to get irritated.  Not at Dustin, just in general. He really wanted to sleep.  He looked at the clock. Still another 4 hours to stay awake at least.

“What’s sex like...with a  boy I mean,” Dustin asked. 

Steve raised his eyebrow.  That woke him up. “Why, you got someone in mind?”

“No. no...no I mean.  I just can’t really picture it...and I know Will has questions but he has no one to ask...so,” Dustin trailed off.  “You didn’t with Will, right?”

Steve threw a pillow at him.  “Fuck no! NO one in the party, ok?  That’s just...ugh. I can’t believe…,” he sighed.  He knew Dustin probably could believe. Not when they were kids.  He knew Dustin would never believe that, but now that they were all of age, he could see where people might think he would. It’s not like Steve had any moral leg to stand on.  He hoped he wasn’t going to be answering these kinds of questions forever but with them it would always be a solid no. Anyone he ever knew before they were eighteen (except his own peers) would always be a solid no.  He could be strong enough for that no, right? He hoped none of them ever pushed it though. He’d hate to think he was wrong.

“Well - just that Will said he’d been with someone but he felt like he had no idea what he was doing. So, you going to answer or…” Dustin asked, seemingly relieved at Steve’s response and sat back down.

“No.  You can tell Will he can ask me if he wants. Or I could lend him some movies. I mean they tend to be over-exaggerated but they are actually somewhat helpful. Or he could just ask his brother,” Steve said without thinking.  He was just relieved that Dustin seemed past his judging stage and was now into his more “curiosity voyage” stage although Steve hoped he didn’t stay there too long. It was a little unnerving.

“Jonathan?  Why would Jonathan...oh fuck.  You mean you and JONATHAN?” Dustin’s voice squeaked.  He was turning a little red.

Steve closed his eyes and grimaced.  “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“I thought he was straight.  I mean he and Nancy dated for like a year.” Dustin seemed shocked.  Like the idea that someone could like boys and girls. Or that sometimes boys just didn’t realize they didn’t like girls at all until they tried it.  And sometimes stayed because they thought they should. That was Jonathan. After all the time about being teased for being queer, it turned out he was and he hadn’t been happy about it.  It took awhile for him to admit it to Steve. And only after he had also caught Steve and Billy having sex. Billy really picked some dumb places to decide he wanted Steve. Steve had wondered if it was either subconscious self-sabotage on Billy’s part or he just had an exhibitionism kink.  Billy had a thing for watching himself in the mirror when he was fucking Steve so he thinks probably the latter of the two. Steve was happy when he was finally able take down the large mirror in the guest room. Steve didn’t mind seeing himself being fucked but it wasn’t something he particularly got off on.

“Yeah, Nancy and I dated for a year as well.  Didn’t work out for either me or Jonathan.”

“But you keep seeing Nancy, right.  On breaks? You still have sex? Do they?”  Dustin asked, even if he seemed oddly hesitant.  Of course, that was the moment that Steve remembered Dustin’s little crush on Nancy back in the day.  He wondered if Dustin saw Nance differently now as well.

“I do...but no Jonathan doesn’t as far as I know.”  Steve didn’t want to out Jonathan all the way. He felt bad enough as it is but at least seemed as if Dustin was ok with it considering he was asking for Will. “Nance wants to focus on her studies not on a relationship so I’m basically stress relief for her - a sexy, safe version of it.  She cares for me but she really did love him. I think maybe it would be too complicated for her and Jonathan. And he isn’t like me. I don’t mind.” What Steve meant of course was that he was bi and Jonathan was gay but the way Dustin looked at him meant it came across differently.

“Yeah, I imagine Jonathan wouldn’t have sex with someone he didn’t love…” at the raised eyebrows Steve gave him “or trust I mean...I mean...” Dustin was getting flustered.  “Not just with anyone.”

“Yeah, he’s not a slut.  I get it,” Steve said but not as bitter as maybe he thought it should be.  He was right. Jonathan had to care a little for Steve because he really wouldn’t have sex with someone he didn’t trust and care for.  That actually was the nicest thing Steve felt all day. Jonathan trusted Steve more than he trusted Nancy now. And Nancy trusted Steve more than Jonathan since Steve wasn’t sure Jonathan had ever told her the real reason they broke up.  He suspected Nancy knew. She was smart. And he was happy they were still friends. 

“She and I - we’re good together.  I’m really happy for her and proud of what she’s doing.” 

Steve smiled thinking of her.  Sure, she had broken his heart once but after she called him when she and Jonathan broke up, they had worked through their issues.  

 

_ Flashback _

************************

_ “Steve, I’m sorry.  I should have said that a long time ago.  You weren’t a shitty boyfriend or at least we were both shitty at it. Maybe I still am.”  They were sitting in his living room - on the same couch he had first said, “I love you” on.  Now, she had come see him to tell him that she and Jonathan had broken up. _

_ “Nance, we don’t have to talk about it. And you weren’t a shitty girlfriend.” He wasn’t sure why he added that because it was pretty shitty to tell someone you love them for that long and not mean it or to run off with another man the day after a fight.  He saw now that she thought they had broken up but he hadn’t actually known that at the time.  _

_ “No, I was and I’ll tell you why.”  How like Nancy to try to force the truth out.  “You were my first and I didn’t fully appreciate how good you were to me then.  I just knew I finally and selfishly decided to give myself to you while leaving my friend alone in a place I knew she didn’t want to be.  To then have her taken like that, to just be gone while I did what I wanted - I just couldn’t have it be for nothing,” Nancy hiccupped. Steve thought she might cry. _

_ “Nance, you couldn’t have known what was going to happen,” Steve said, rubbing her arm, reminding himself of the same argument they’d had the entire year they were together. _

_ ‘No, I know that logically.  But my heart couldn’t stop telling me that I couldn’t have lost my friend over some boys notch in his bed post.” _

_ “I never felt that way about you.  You know that,” Steve argued. He had been the first to tell her he loved her and she had been the first he’d ever said it to.  And, the last. He would always love her in some capacity.  _

_ “I know.  I felt that way.  I had to justify my behavior to myself and the creeping doubts I had from all the rumors about you.  Amy was only what two or three months? Lauren barely two weeks, Becky was four months? Then all those one nighters at parties I heard about?” _

_ “Tommy spread that shit, most of it wasn’t true.”  And it wasn’t at the time. He hadn’t truly started sleeping around until after Nancy, after the demodogs, after the brutal beating by Billy.  When he had felt alone, scared and a little lost. An old friend had reminded him how nice it was to just touch and be touched. And he’d wanted more - if not with her, then with anyone who could keep him distracted from his troubles for a little while. If not just for enjoying himself, then making sure others felt pleasure and thought fondly of him.  _

_ “My point was - my friend couldn’t have died just so I could be with someone for four months at most.  The only thing that could have justified in my mind was love. If I had found my one and only, then maybe the tradeoff might be worth it.  I wanted to love you, Steve, because I felt I had to.” _

_ “But you didn’t,” Steve reminded her with a slight trace of hurt lacing his voice. _

_ Nancy sighed. “I really thought I did, but I was 16.  What did I even know about love? What did either of us know about love. I’m only 18 now and I still don’t know.” _

_ ‘What about Jonathan?” Steve asked gently.  “Didn’t you think you loved him, too?” _

_ “Yeah, I thought I loved him too, maybe I still do, I don't know.  He and I had more in common than you and I, but I'm beginning to think it was mostly about shared trauma and shared causes. I think we thought that was enough. He knows even less about romantic love than we do.  Certainly none of our parents were shining examples. Mostly what we know is from movies and books and fairy tales - but that’s not real life. So - really I was his first love like you were mine. We all only had each other and our friends to learn from and you might have noticed he is exactly social butterfly.” She laughed. _

_ Steve nodded, “I had noticed.  But he is a good guy, Nancy. I’m sure he loves you.  I think you could figure it out together. Maybe give him the chance I would have liked to have back then.” _

_ “He broke up with me, actually,” she said with a calmness that surprised Steve. _

_ Steve gave himself a moment to absorb that news. After everything, Byers had rejected Nancy?  “Oh, I’m sorry.” There was a long silence between them when something suddenly occurred to Steve.  “You don’t want US to get back together do you?” Steve almost panicked. As much as he cared about Nancy, he couldn’t commit himself to her again.   _

_ “No.  I think I need some time to myself.  To figure out who I am and what I want to do with my life,” she smiled at him.  “I just wanted to tell you how much I wish things between us had been different and to apologize for my part in it.  I was grieving the entire time we were together and I needed someone to be there. I needed a reason for it to have happened.  I know that hurt you but I never meant to. _

_ Steve inhaled deeply, consoled by her thoughtfulness. “Apology accepted.  You’re going to do amazing things, Nancy Wheeler.” He reached up and kissed her cheek softly.  He admired her tenacity to find painful truths even when they are about herself. He wished he had that kind of bravery. _

_ She stood up and said, “Well, I guess I ought to go.  I have a report due on Alexander Hamilton and the Federalist Papers.” _

_ “That sounds like a catchy song title,” Steve joked as he walked her to the door. _

_ “Like anyone would write songs about old politicians,” Nancy laughed. ‘That would be the most boring musical ever.” _

_ “Oh, I don’t know. I’ll bet some of those old guys in their powdered wigs were kinky little fuckers,” Steve mused aloud. _

_ “I miss this,” Nancy said as she hesitated at the door.  “Just us talking about nothing.” _

_ ‘Well, we can do more of that if you’d like. You know where I live,” Steve replied, looking around.  “You’re always welcome.” He realized he meant that. _

_ “I would like that.  I also…” Nancy hummed and then set her shoulders back, “I also miss sex,” she added forthrightly. _

_ “You just broke up. How long could it have been?” Steve added cheekily. _

_ “It’s not that.  I miss sex with you.  Jonathan didn’t seem to like it quite as much as you. Maybe because he was always so busy between work, school and Will but...gosh I’m not complaining. He was good.  I loved sex with him it just wasn’t…” she bit her lip. _

_ Now Steve was embarrassed. “Yeah...I do not need to know about yours and Byers' sex life,”  Steve winced. It was one thing to know they had sex, but another thing to know HOW they had sex.  It was too much information. He loved Nancy’s desire to know the truth but not always her desire to tell the truth. _

_ “I just miss the kinds of things we used to do,” she added, her cheeks now flaming red.  “He thought I was insulting him sometimes when I tried to tell him what I wanted. He’s such a sensitive person.” _

_ “Hmmm...you couldn’t be bossy in bed, huh?”  Steve kept the tone light and teasing. _

_ “I mean in when I said I wasn’t trying to get back with you, but maybe sometime we could…,” she left it with a questioning tone, eyes glancing at his in the shy way they did when they first started dating.  She was actually blushing. _

_ He felt the old stirrings of longing and fondness for her swelling and he could never deny her anything. “No strings attached.  Is that what you want?” Steve asked, placing a hand on her arm and squeezing gently. _

_ She nodded, still chewing on her lip.  “Is that bad? That I could do that? That I would want to?”  _

_ Steve would be a hypocrite if he said yes but the idea that Nancy might go somewhere else for sex, with someone who didn’t care for her or even know her, twisted something in his stomach. “Of course not.  Sex is natural. You shouldn’t be ashamed of wanting it.” He paused long enough for her to nod but continued, “I guess we could arrange that, but let’s give it a month or so just to be sure we’re on the same page.  I don’t want to mess up our friendship if you decide you rushed into it. If you still want to then, call me.” _

_ She smiled and he couldn’t help himself. ‘You’re still beautiful, Nancy Wheeler.” He loved how she blushed and smiled even more broadly at him.  “And you’re still an idiot, Steve Harrington,” he whispered to himself after she got in her car and drove away. _

_ A month later his phone rang.  And throughout the summer until she left for college.  And later, on her breaks she always returned.  _

 

_ ******************** _

_ End Flashback _

 

He wondered if he should have mentioned her mother before they resumed their fling back then  How her mother, apparently disappointed that Billy Hargrove had ignored her advances had come onto him instead, seemingly sad and lonely.  Steve couldn’t stand it. Mrs. Wheeler (‘Karen’) was always nice to him and he wanted her to be happy. When she reached for him.to make her feel young and beautiful, he obliged.  Because he liked to help people. And he made her feel good, for three months until her husband almost caught them and she ended it. It had relieved Steve except for the part where, while her husband almost caught them, Billy had actually caught them.  And he used that to get Steve. Max wasn’t the only one he was protecting from Billy Hargrove when they made their agreement. He wondered if Billy had ever told anyone about Karen and Steve and if her name was going to end up publicly shamed. And it would be a damn shame as well since Ted and Karen’s marriage had actually vastly improved since the affair.  

He also wondered if he should tell Nancy now just in case.  Maybe he ought to call her. Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PAIRINGS IN THIS CHAPTER:
> 
> Steve/Nancy   
> Steve/Jonathan  
> Steve/Agent Krychek (mentioned and somewhat dub con)  
> Steve/Karen Wheeler (mentioned - last paragraph)  
> Steve/Billy (mentioned - how he talked Steve into it - last paragraph)
> 
> As a side note - I don't usually love OT3s however Steve/Jonathan/Nancy is one I do enjoy - although that is not one that happens here in this chapter.


	4. Overture From Tommy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An old 'friend' comes by for a visit. Steve's not really in the mood for guests but he's not in the mood to fight either. He also gets some interesting mail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See end notes for pairings in this chapter.

**Chapter 4 - Overture From Tommy**

He slept hard.  After he’d finally been able to crash, he was out for ten hours straight.  Dustin had stayed. He really was a good friend. Probably Steve’s best friend.  

Steve felt like crap, but he’d ordered Chinese for dinner before convincing Dustin to finally go home and sleep in his own bed.  He promised Dustin he would take some more pain pills and go back to sleep before Dustin would leave. Steve had every intention of doing so just before the doorbell rang at 11:00 pm.  

Still drowsy, he didn’t think to look before he opened the door.  Suddenly, Tommy was barging his way inside. He looked pissed.

“Is it true?”

Steve ran his hand through his long locks and tried to get his head together.

“Sure, Tommy, why don’t you come in,” he muttered.  “Make yourself at home. I’m fine. I’m peachy. Thanks for asking.”  Steve looked down at himself and thought he probably should be wearing more than some boxers if he had company.  He heard his mother’s voice reminding him that his appearance reflected on all of them and when he looked less than his best, it reflected poorly.  

Tommy was flurrying around the foyer, waving his hands around.

“You and Carol.  Is it true?”

“I guess the news is out, huh,” Steve muttered as he shut the door.  He felt the punch across his jaw before he saw Tommy’s fist fly at him as he turned around.  It knocked his head against the door, but since he was so close, he didn’t fly back. Just slid against it until he was sitting on the floor.

“Way to hit a guy while he’s down, jackass,” he muttered, rubbing his jawline.  He was really going to end up with permanent brain damage if this kept up. He held his hands up in surrender. “Please, don’t. Not the face again. Concussion, you know,” Steve said to Tommy.

“I ought to kick you in the balls, then,” Tommy sneered down at him.

Steve tilted his head back and looked up at his former best friend.  It really should not have been a surprise to Tommy that Carol and he had hooked up.  He knew many of Steve’s early female hookups. Sometimes Tommy lived vicariously through Steve since, although Tommy was a judgemental asshole, he never cheated on Carol when they were together.  Not that Steve ever spilled details but making out at parties had been a common occurrence since Steve was almost 16.

“Would that make you feel better?” Steve asked with no emotion and spread his legs.  “Go ahead. Get it over with and leave.” He was resigned to his fate. Tommy had always been the better fighter and Steve was in no shape for anything more. He hoped Tommy would just do it and go.  Ice and painkillers would get him through it.

Tommy stared at him and blinked like he had never seen Steve before, as if he were an alien behaving in a way that he couldn’t understand.

“Maybe you’d prefer spanking me?” Steve added with a raised eyebrow when Tommy didn’t actually move.  Steve shouldn’t be surprised Tommy hadn’t moved. It’s not like Steve gave up so easily when they had been friends.

“Just answer me.  You owe me that,” Tommy said as he reached a hand down to help Steve up.

Steve eyed him suspiciously but took the offered hand.  He huffed as he stood up. “Owe you? I don’t owe you shit.”  Now, that Tommy got one good punch in and didn’t take advantage of Steve’s offers, Steve felt like it was safe to push back.  Tommy always hit first then he would listen. Steve may not be great at throwing a punch, but he had learned to take them pretty well over the years having Tommy as his friend.  They drank, they laughed, they bickered, they fought...that was just their usual Friday night.

“You want a drink?” Steve said as he walked into his Dad’s study.  Felt like the right time to pull out the good stuff.

“Johnnie Walker?  You must be feeling guilty, Stevieboy,” Tommy bit out, even as he followed him and took the glass Steve had just poured.  

“I don’t.  Not really.”  Steve looked longingly at the glass as Tommy tipped it back.

“Not partaking?” Tommy asked as he refilled.

“No.  Too many happy pills already and the head injury,” Steve replied as he stretched out on the couch and pointed to his head.  Tommy sat in the black leather executive chair his father lived in on the rare occasions he was home.

“OK.  So spill.  I’ve heard all kinds of crazy shit today. Most of which I don’t care about.  But Carol? Just tell me.” Tommy’s eyes were a little glassy with emotion, although Steve couldn’t tell exactly what those emotions were.

Steve sat up.  He was at least of sound enough mind to reassure Tommy his girlfriend wasn’t quite a big a cheat as he seemed to be thinking.  His mouth felt fuzzy and dry. The last dose had worn off but left him feeling a little under water.

“Only when you were broken up.  It didn’t mean anything.” Steve knew that probably wasn’t the best way to say it.  

“Which time? We break up every other week,” Tommy said, his eyes widening.  Steve could see he thought Steve and Carol had hooked up every time the two of them had had enough of each other.

“Oh for fuck sake - it was only a few times during your long spells.  And we never actually fucked. She just wanted my mouth.”

“A few times, huh.  When? If it was only a few times, you should be able to remember them.”  Tommy pressed. He poured another drink and Steve could see his face was starting to flush.  He thought again that maybe being alone with a guy who had already punched him and was pissed at Steve sleeping with his girlfriend wasn’t a smart idea.  Oh well, if you’re going to be dumb, go all in, he guessed. Maybe that was the concussion talking. A drunk Tommy could be a mean Tommy. It could also be a giddy and horny Tommy.  

“Well, there was that time she thought you were flirting with Lauren and you didn’t exactly deny it.”  Steve closed his eyes trying to remember. He was usually pretty good at that but his head hurt and he was drifting.

“That was in 82!”  Uh huh. “We’d only been dating a few months. Was that the first time?”  Steve grunted.

“Did she kiss you?”  

“Yeah,”  Steve remembered.  He did allow Carol to kiss him back then and it seemed to hard to change his rules during subsequent tumbles.  Carol was a good kisser. Steve actually enjoyed kissing and since they actually had a no fucking policy, he gave in to kissing her.

“She’s good at that, isn’t she?  I love how she kisses.” Tommy sounded almost pleased.  Better than pissed, Steve thought.

“Yeah, you’re a lucky guy, Tommy.”  

“She suck your dick?” Tommy asked.  Steve nodded but didn’t say anything.  “She wasn’t good at that back then. Bet she gagged on your huge dick,” Tommy snickered.  

Steve imagined Tommy was gazing at his dick through the boxers.  Not that it had any interest in the discussion. Steve was too exhausted for that.  But Tommy always seemed to take an odd pride in the size of his best friend’s dick.

“Bet she tried to take you too fast and then jacked you off for awhile until she could try again.  Then licked you like a lollipop.” Tommy sounded a tad breathy.

Steve opened his eyes to see Tommy pressing against his crotch.  “Are you really going to jerk off while I talk about Carol sucking my dick?” Steve laughed.

“And when you tell me how wet her pussy got for you when you ate her out,” Tommy waggled his eyebrows at Steve.

“Jesus, Tommy.  What is wrong with you?” Steve asked.  He shook his head remembering how gross and pervy Tommy could really be.  

Tommy stood up.  Poured another drink and swallowed it whole.  He took his pants off and pushed Steve back onto the couch so he was laying on it.  “You’re going to describe every filthy thing you did with my girlfriend while I jerk off into your ugly face.”

“How long did it take you to think up that scenario?”  Steve said, but he didn’t really object. He actually scooted back on the couch and allowed Tommy to straddle his chest.  He was too tired to fight again and it’s not like it would be the first time Tommy ever came on him. It had just been a long time.

“Since Carol admitted it this afternoon.  She was so embarrassed and apologetic and was just convinced I was going to break up with her over it.  She promised to make it up to me so I been thinking about how ever since. Then I thought, maybe she wasn’t the only one that needed to make it up to me.”

“Really?  Because if I remember right, she wasn’t the only one who asked for favors when you broke up?  She’s not the only one who liked my mouth on occasion. Did you tell her that?” Steve asked snidely.

“Yeah, I remember how good your mouth is,” he replied ignoring the last question. “That’s what you’re making up for.  Taking it away from both of us over that Nancy chick. Man, we could have been having threesomes this whole time and you blew it.”  Tommy continued to stroke his dick over Steve’s chest and face.

“Actually I didn’t.  Isn’t that the real issue?” Steve asked, half-smirking up at him.

“Funny.”  Tommy smirked at him.

“And I’m not going to now,” Steve said firmly.  He really had to learn to say no but this was a start he guessed.  He was too tired for anything else.

“No, you look like shit.  I’m still going to blow my load on you so in the interest of not just laying there like an awkward fish, tell me the dirty, dirty things you did to my girlfriend.”

A little while later, Steve was wiping his face off in the kitchen and getting his pills.  Tommy had turned on the tv and plopped down like he was actually welcome there.

“I’m going to bed before the pills kick in.  Lock up when you leave,’ Steve said as he was heading upstairs.

“I’m staying.  Someone’s gotta keep an eye on you, asshole,” Tommy said.  

“Why?” Steve turned around, wondering what had gotten into Tommy.

“You’re my friend.”

“You haven’t spoken to me in years,” Steve blinked in confusion.  

“Because you called me and my girlfriends assholes, never apologized and stopped talking to us,” Tommy stated as if it were obvious.

“I always called you assholes.  That’s what we did. And you stopped talking to me first.  Then you teamed up with Billy Hargrove and made my life miserable.”

“Yeah - and what was up with that?  You really fucked Hargrove? After the shit that douchebag pulled on you?  I never punched you like that but you two became fuck buddies and you never spoke to me again.  That’s complete bullshit.”

And there was that word again.  Steve really hated it.

“That’s...complicated,” Steve said.  He couldn’t explain it. There was no way Tommy would have understood any of it.

“I thought you’d say that.  You need me. You’ve clearly made some shitty decisions without my guidance.  So I’m back. You can thank me later. And no, I haven’t told her yet. I will.  Then we’ll decide how you can make it up to us.”

“I’m not fucking you or her,” Steve stated.  He thought maybe Tommy just saw an opening to get that threesome he seemed to be dreaming about.  He almost laughed at the poor visual that popped in his head.

“Yeah, ok. Wouldn’t want you to.”

“And you’re not fucking me,” Steve added, just to be clear.

“God, no.  Based on all the people that apparently have already done that, I can only imagine how sore and loose you must be.“  Tommy just laughed, just being the usual gross self Steve remembered.

“So what was that then? Steve asked, waving his hands towards the study, even more confused now that the pills were starting to work.  

Tommy stood up and walked Steve the rest of the way up the steps to his room.  “One last stupid thing.” He pushed Steve onto the bed and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek.  “Tomorrow you and Carol and I are going to dinner to start over. I need you to be my best man. She’s agreed to marry me.”

Steve blinked and couldn’t answer.  He lay back in the bed while Tommy sat next to him.  He was trying to stay awake.

“A few weeks ago.  And these last few weeks all I could think of was how I was missing my best friend, even after all these years.  Then I heard about today - heard about what Hargrove had done and I felt gutted. Like I had lost you without ever trying to fight for you.  But you didn’t fight for me either. You just left us go and I was pissed.”

“I’m sorry...I should…” Steve was mumbling and almost out but he still heard Tommy say, “Today I realized I could have lost any chance of us making up and decided not to be stupid about it anymore -  or not too stupid after I heard the whole story. I was still pissed but I’ve missed you. We missed you.” Steve felt Tommy pat his knee after he pulled the blanket up and over Steve. “So, I’m staying,” was the last words he heard Tommy say before passing out.

\---

 

“So you’re still hanging with that Byers pervert?” Tommy asked Steve when he came down in the morning.  Tommy was in the kitchen wearing some of Steve’s pajamas he must have gotten out of Steve’s drawers last night.  Carol was also there as well, but she was dressed and drinking coffee from McDonalds. Steve looked at the counter to see several bags of food there

Tommy and Carol were looking through the photos Jonathan had sent.

“Did you open my mail?” Steve asked.

“Uh yeah.  Had to do something waiting for you to wake up and for Carol to bring breakfast. By the way, your power bill is overdue.”

Steve grabbed the photo out of Tommy’s hand, “You are still assholes.”

“Good morning to you too, Steve.” Carol said, taking a sip of coffee.

Steve turned to look at her, “Congratulations I guess.  Don’t know why you’d want to marry him but your choice.”

“I’d marry your dick if I could, but you’re attached to it so that’s a major drawback,” Carol quipped back.  “Tommy’s is almost as nice but he treats me better.” Carol smiled and it was just like old times. Steve actually liked it.

“Haha…” He looked in the bag and saw a Big Breakfast in there.  “This mine?” He asked as he pulled it out.

“Sure.  Tommy already ate one and two Egg McMuffins.  Guess you two were drinking last night?” Carol asked.  They always ate a ton after a night of drinking.

“He was.  I wasn’t.”

“So, since when have you been Byers’ muse?” Carol asked.  She waved one 8 x 10 around that was a photograph of Steve against a yellow backdrop, drinking coffee.  

“I really love the 'yeehaw' one with the overalls and the baseball hat - you really look like an Indiana hick in that one!” Tommy laughed.  Steve slid all the photos out of the envelope. Sure enough, there were the proofs from the last photo project they had worked on during his last break.

“Well...he had a project during spring break and he needed a model,” Steve said.

‘What’s with all the yellow though?” Tommy asked.  “It’s freaking annoying”

“I don’t know.  Steve looks good in yellow.  Not everyone does,” Carol added.  “I like them.” She started cleaning up after herself.

“I don’t know.  The project had something to do with choosing a specific color pallette to show your subject in a new way or something like that.”  Steve dug into his pancakes, hungrier than he usually was in the morning. Seeing Tommy and Carol in the kitchen like their early days felt something like coming home.  

“We can’t stay long today.  Carol has to work and I’m going over to help my grandma with her garden.”  Tommy rolled his eyes. He knew Tommy hated doing that shit but he loved his grandmother.

“How is Meemaw Shirley?” Steve asked, regretting all the times he missed having awful suppers filled with hot dogs and applesauce and outdated canned vegetables when she would invite him to stay and no one was at home.  She was an even worse cook than Joyce but like her, she welcomed any of Tommy’s friends into her home.

“She’s still gouty and grouchy.  Had a hip replaced two years ago.  She asks about you sometimes.” Steve felt a tad guilty about that.  Sometimes when you gave up friends, you give up all the things that came with them which was sometimes harder to acknowledge.

Tommy went to get changed. Carol turned back to Steve and asked, “How are you feeling?”

“Sore, sleepy...I don’t know.  Guilty maybe? Like the world’s tilted a bit?”

“I hope you get better quickly.  I know we’ve all made some...questionable choices in the past but I hope we can all get through it.” Carol laid a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry your name came up. I guess it must be embarrassing for you.

“Well, maybe when my parents hear about it but I don’t regret some things.  I do regret that i didn’t see things more clearly. That maybe you were going through some stuff too.  Looking back I realize that maybe I used you.”

“I think we used each other but I’m okay with it.  Just hate that others might get dragged into things.” Steve spoke quietly, not looking at her face.

“You were always more worried about what other people think.  About how they might be affected instead of what you wanted - until Nancy.  I think I get that now. And I think that was our issue. It was never her. It was always about you. I know we got some stuff to work through, but thanks for trying.  He’s really missed you. I think we all missed a lot. Maybe...that’s what growing up is all about. We all change - some more than others even if we don’t see it.”

Tommy came back downstairs and announced he was going out to his car.  Carol and Steve watched him go out the front door.

“You two sure have changed.  Almost overnight it seems,” Steve said with hesitation.  “After five, no six years? You suddenly want to go back to where nothing happened?  Like we are all best friends again?”

Steve wasn’t going to get picky that it hadn’t been quite that long since he and Carol had spent time together.  She hadn’t stayed away quite as long as Tommy. He had told Tommy most of the times Carol and he had gotten together, except for the one that happened just the previous fall after Tommy and he had managed another run-in.  

_Tommy had been in his senior year of college, home on break and drunk as a skunk from some party.  He had ended up with a DUI and a small fender bender with Steve who had been coming back from a not pleasant evening with Mr. Hargrove.  Steve had already been sore, bruised and irritated when Tommy started blaming him for the crash. Tommy took the first swing after Steve had said some unpleasant things about him.  Carol had intervened. Carol yelled at Tommy that he needed to grow the hell up since he was almost finished with school. Then yelled at Steve for fueling the fire when he knew what Tommy was like when he was drunk._

_She had then drove Tommy home then stopped back at Steve’s, annoyed but concerned. She had still been a nursing student so wanted to check him over.  After confirming Steve was okay, if more bruised than maybe he should have been based on the accident. She checked on him a few days later to cry to Steve that they had broken up yet again, this time over Tommy’s drinking, his lack of focus on finding a job after graduation and his lack of wanting to make an actual commitment.  Steve consoled her the only way he knew how when she asked him._

He didn’t hear from either again until last night although he had seen them together on a date after Tommy had graduated and moved back to Hawkins.  He assumed they had worked their issues out once again since they were now engaged.

“Maybe it seems that way but we’ve certainly talked about you for years.”

“I can only imagine,” Steve huffed.

“Well, it finally occurred to me that someone could only hold a grudge like that because of the pain and he only felt that strongly because he loved you.  You were his best friend for years and you dropped him - us - like a hot potato over a girl. And even after she dumped you, you never came around. That kind of betrayal hurts.” Carol’s voice had an edge of hurt and anger threading through it.

“See you’ve been learning to overanalyze things,” Steve said, not knowing where to go with everything she was saying.

“Maybe.  But still - we might have been assholes, but you were, too.  So wrapped up in whatever was eating at you in those days, in whatever that bitch roped you into, that you just left us.  You even seemed to prefer to be with Jonathan - the ‘freak’ you used to tease - than be with Tommy. That left its mark on him.”

"Don’t call them that,” Steve argued.

“And you’re still on their side and missing the point,” Carol shook her head.  “Yeah, I still think she’s a bitch but I’m sure I don’t know the whole story - because YOU NEVER TOLD US!”  She was starting to get louder, anger now the dominating emotion in her voice.

She crossed her arms in front of her.  Steve could see the heat radiating off of her.

“But,’  she took a deep breath and Steve could see her visibly releasing the anger, “it doesn’t matter.  In the end, we realized we still loved you after everything. Pissed yes. Like you can only be when your family member does something so extraordinarily stupid that it endangers themselves.”  She paused and looked at Steve in deep concern, “We could have lost you. We could have lost you before ever having had the chance to work it out. So I told Tommy to fix it when he was being stupid yesterday.  He was ranting and raving about finding Neil Hargrove and killing him because he was too afraid you’d do something stupid in revenge and he knows what a shit fighter you are. And I said instead of fighting for Steve - why don’t you actually fight for Steve.  Get him back.”

Steve was left stumped.  When had Carol, of all people, become so wise?

“CAROL - WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!  YOU PARKED ME IN!” Tommy shouted from the front door.

“COMING.  KEEP YOUR PANTS ON!” she yelled back.

She slid two photos she had hidden under a book over towards Steve.  “I don’t think this was part of that color project. Tommy hasn’t seen these.  He still doesn’t like Jonathan. I think he’s jealous you two are still friends even after he stole your girl.”  Steve frowned about to say something along the lines of “no one ‘stole’ anything" - Nancy had made her own choices but stopped himself when Carol continued with, “but I think maybe you do.  And I think Byers feels the same way.”

The photos were black and white, one a close up of Steve wearing his reading glasses.  He really had been reading and Jonathan asked him to look up and caught him a bit off guard.  The other was Steve looking over his shoulder at the camera, no shirt on looking like he was about to say something.

“What was it he used to say, ‘sometimes people don’t say what they really mean but a photo can capture a moment of truth’?  Something like that?” Carol asked. Steve remembered Tommy and Billy laughing about that particular phrase once in the locker room.  Tommy had overheard Jonathan talking to one of the art teachers about it and talked about how he not only a freaky, queer pervert (and wasn’t that a hypocritical riot to think about) but that Byers was also all artsy-fartsy and pretentious.

Steve stared down at the photos.  He had never quite seen himself like that.  He looked...softer than he usually carried himself.  He wasn’t sure he liked it. Made him feel vulnerable.  Which he was already overdosing on and he hated feeling like a victim.  But he did like the intimacy of what it said about Steve and Jonathan though.

“Yeah - something like that,” he replied softly to Carol.

She hummed for a moment before adding, “I think the moment a photographer chooses to capture also says something about him.  If you haven’t told him, I think you should.” Steve continued to stare not sure what Carol was seeing exactly but knew there was something there.  It was more than he could discern for the moment and he sat them back down. She sighed and said, “And don’t be a dumbass anymore with us either.” She hugged him and whispered, “I’m glad you’re not dead. Some of the stories we heard...shit, you really stepped in it these last few years.  Be safe, okay? We’ll talk more later.”

Steve nodded and hugged her back.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PAIRINGS in this chapter:
> 
> Steve/Tommy (a brief mention of a punch and then some weird sexual coping mechanism to work shit out)  
> Steve/Carol (mentioned)  
> Steve/Jonathan
> 
> If you are a Joe Keery fan, I'm sure you'll recognize the descriptions of the photos that 'Jonathan' took. Most of them pop up on a google search of Joe in Images and the yellow overalls he uses as his Instagram profile pic. 
> 
> Another side note - Tommy and Carol are usually portrayed as dicks in fan fic - and in the show they are. However, I can see where they might have learned a lesson from all of this as well and from their side, it seems as if Steve dumped them for Nancy. I can understand a little of why they'd be pissed if no one (meaning Steve) might have explained why he was upset and gave them another chance. They are fun to write in the same way Billy is - they can go either way, bad or good.


	5. Picture Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve gets a phone call that leads him down memory lane again. Some unlikely people have ended up with Steve over the years but it always seemed like a good idea at the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of flashbacks here of how Steve ended up with some people. 
> 
> LONG CHAPTER - sorry - couldn't help myself.
> 
> See end notes for chapter pairings and a couple of other warnings if you need to.

**Chapter 5 - Picture Perfect**

Carol left while Steve took the new photos up to his bedroom.  He had nowhere to go and all the time to think about salvaging his friendship with Tommy and Carol and what he was doing with Jonathan.  He stopped at his closet and pulled out the photo album of all the photos that Jonathan sent him over the years. Looking through them, he wondered if anyone else would think Steve was narcissistic having so many 8 X 10s of himself.  While not all the photos were of him, most of them were because Steve was frequently Jonathan’s subject. 

Steve never thought of himself as Jonathan’s muse so much as just someone who was patient enough to let Jonathan spend an entire day trying to get a shot exactly the way he wanted it.  Jonathan had been a decent photographer in high school but, particularly of stills and nature, but he had still had a lot to learn about portrait photography. Not being a social butterfly, Jonathan had struggled with finding people he could practice his art on.  Sure, Will and Joyce offered and occasionally sat for him but neither had the time nor the patience that Steve had when Jonathan fiddled with every small detail trying to understand how light affected shots, how ISO and f-stops worked, how to use gel filters and setting up compositions throughout his college years.  Mostly it was because Steve really did have anything better to do. His free time was pretty much free except, particularly after the kids started driving. Also, Steve never minded when Jonathan would talk to himself, move Steve’s hand exactly ¼” of an inch to get just the right angle or want to do makeup on Steve to enhance a shot.  Once, when Steve had asked him why he asked Steve to sit so often, Jonathan laughed and said Steve looked so pretty and took direction so well that he couldn’t help himself. Steve had blushed and laughed and just said Jonathan was so bossy that Steve was afraid to argue with him. 

Truthfully, Steve did take direction well.  He enjoyed it. He’d learned that about himself when he was with Nancy because she loved to tell him what to do. Once she had apologized for being so “demanding” and Steve had admitted to her that he loved when she was “the boss” in bed and in other areas at times.  That had opened up a whole world for them to experiment with but he hadn’t told Jonathan that’s where his particular penchant for some kinds of submission came from. He enjoyed following Jonathan’s directions just as well from modelling for him to the simple demands Jonathan requested once they were sleeping together.  He rarely said no to much with anyone, but Jonathan never really asked for anything he wasn’t willing and ready to give. He found one of the shots that Jonathan from their first photo shoot and thought back to how that came about. 

_ *************** _

_ Flashback _

 

_ “Hey, Steve...this is uh, Jonathan.” The voice on the other end of the line sounded very hesitant, as if he expected Steve to either scream or hang up. _

_ “Hey, man.  How are you?” Steve asked.  It had been two months since Nancy and Jonathan had broken up and one month since Nancy called and asked for some company.  Steve wondered if Jonathan knew about them and if he wondered why they weren’t out there flaunting it around. Except Steve and Nancy weren’t back together except in bed.  As much as Steve still loved Nancy, he could never really trust her again with his heart. She had reiterated that she needed to focus on school so didn’t want to date anymore but she loved to leave off some stress or have fun with Steve.  Surprisingly, their activities had not made Steve feel like he had stepped in an emotional landmine. He had been hesitant at first thinking sex would reawaken those old feelings between them, but Nancy had taken a different approach from when they had dated.  She was very direct about what she wanted, she scheduled appointments and they never had sex after doing something together like dinner or going to a movie as friends. Their friendship and their sex life was generally kept very separate so they didn’t blur any lines.  Steve had been happily surprised at how well it seemed to work for them.  _

_ “‘Fine, fine...uh I am assuming you know that Nancy and I broke up?” Jonathan asked. Steve could almost hear the wince in his voice.  Steve probably knew from Will that Steve and Nancy had occasionally been seen in public together. _

_ “Yeah, man.  Sorry about that,” Steve said, waiting to hear where this was going.  He wondered if Jonathan was going to tell him he was okay with Steve and Nancy dating, which would be odd since it wasn’t like Jonathan and he were friends. He couldn’t fathom why else Jonathan would be calling him or sounding so nervous about it. _

_ “This is going to sound weird,” Jonathan said but then took a long pause before continuing, “but she was supposed to model for me for a project for school. She said she’d still do it, it just feels awkward.  I was wondering if you would be...maybe willing to do it? I can’t pay anything but I could get us some pizza or something?” Jonathan trailed off, question lingering on the line.  _

_ That was not where Steve thought this conversation was going. “You want me to model for you?” Steve asked, needing to verify it. Someone was asking for his help and it had nothing to do with babysitting, a car ride or saving Hawkins once again? And it was Jonathan who was the unlikeliest person of all to ask Steve for help. _

_ “Yeah - I mean I need a human study in my portfolio.  But - I kind of need a human for it.” Jonathan sounded so unsure that Steve knew Jonathan had to be desperate.  He could hear in Jonathan’s voice that he was sure Steve would say no.  _

_ Steve knew he couldn’t say no.  Jonathan was a good guy and he hated that he might have had anything to do with Jonathan’s lack of confidence during their school years.  He really wanted to rectify his own role in that. Of course, he didn’t want to make it too easy on Jonathan. That wouldn’t be any fun. “You want to take naked pictures of me?” Steve asked with a grin he was sure Jonathan could hear over the phone.   _

_ “NO!NO!NO!  Jonathan squawked.  “Nothing naked! I promise! Nothing like that.  Just - I need someone in the photos. You’re uh...very photogenic. You can have copies if you want.  If you like them. It’ll only take a few hours, I promise.” _

_ Steve almost wanted to jokingly call him a pervert but at the last second realized Jonathan would hang up and never speak to him again.  He could hear how difficult it was for Jonathan to ask him for anything but unless Jonathan was going to photograph Will or his mom, who else was he going to ask?  Nancy hadn’t been wrong about Jonathan’s social awkwardness. He had never made any other friends as far as Steve could tell. Jonathan still was on the outskirts of high school society.  Nancy had been his primary social connection. Now that she was out of the picture for him, he imagined Jonathan wasn’t going to parties or hanging their peers. Hell, even Steve had the kids to hang with on a Friday night for a D&D session, he was still invited to parties and occasionally even went to them. And that was without including his hookups with either Nancy or Billy which were fairly frequent. Steve had a social life but Jonathan really didn’t since he was always working when he wasn’t at school or studying.   _

_ Making sure his voice was filled with affection rather than pity, Steve responded, “Sure, Jonathan.  I’d love to help you. I’m not cheap but I can be had. Make it pizza AND dessert and be sure you get my good side,” he teased. _

_ That photoshoot had started off with an uneasy truce between them but Steve had really focused on listening to Jonathan and keeping the mood light.  By the end, he had felt accomplished when Jonathan had relaxed and actually smiled at him in a way that made Steve’s stomach knot up just a little. Steve had never found Jonathan attractive before but there was something in the way he was so focused on his passion through the camera and how he lit up when he finally smiled that made Steve want to see more - even if it was just as friends so he assured Jonathan he would be available anytime he needed a “human” to study. _

_ End Flashback _

__

Steve had thought it was going to be a one time thing but he assumed Jonathan took what Steve had said to heart and asked him for a second session.  Then Jonathan just kept asking. He seemed to enjoy using Steve as his model and Steve enjoyed the easy camaraderie they had during shoots. Steve began to understand what Nancy saw in him outside of his pretty smile. It was fun to see Jonathan when he was playful or when he intensely concentrated on a complex composition.  Jonathan was patient when explaining what he was doing or why he wanted a certain angle. He even allowed Steve to play at photographer a few times. Over the last few years, it had just become a tradition to have some kind of photo shoot when Jonathan was home on break. One year they went into town with a bike for shots, another the new owners of Benny’s allowed them to do a shot at the diner.  Steve loved the coat from that shoot and still had it. 

Steve went through the pages again after putting his new photos in, caught up in the memories they brought back.  Sometimes Jonathan had set ideas that they had to scour Steve’s closet for to find an appropriate wardrobe ideas, other times he found things he wanted Steve to wear and together they figured out the backdrop they wanted.  Jonathan never knew how often Steve clothes-shopped specifically for photo ideas that Jonathan discussed during their phone calls. The pea coat bought after Jonathan said, “I bet you in a long black coat would photograph really well” or how a “I love the contrast between bare feet in a winter-type setting” conversation led to a beautiful sweater purchase.  

Or how often Steve drove around Hawkins looking for new locales to use for shoots.  He probably knew every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse Hawkins had to offer. 

As he continued to look through the photos, he was brought to a few that were taken after they started sleeping together - both literally and figuratively.  Jonathan was one of the few people Steve actually slept with. Sleeping with someone felt more intimate than sex sometimes. You were truly at your most vulnerable and as Steve trusted few people, he wouldn’t sleep with them. Sometimes Nancy stayed, but that was rare - more on her side than his. He loved spooning Nancy.  Billy slept with him only if he and his dad were having another fight or if Billy had been in a fight with someone else and needed patching up. Steve always knew it was foolhardy to trust Billy to sleep with him, but somehow those nights, Billy was almost tender and sweet and Steve found a fondness for him. Of course, Billy was sure to be rougher the next time he visited.  Steve used to joke that Billy only had a small allotment of compassion and emotion available on any given week and he’d apparently overdrawn his account when he slept over.

Jonathan always preferred sleeping together after sex.  Unlike Nancy or Billy who usually seemed more energized after sex, Jonathan got sleepy and liked to cuddle. As aloof as he was with most people, he did seem to like feeling connected with Steve after sex.  Mostly they stayed in Steve’s guest room, sometimes in Jonathan’s old bedroom if Joyce and Will were away, and a few times in Jonathan’s very small, cramped and overly crowded apartment in New York when Steve took a long weekend holiday (when given permission - or maybe that was bought - by Krychek).

That apartment was the place where they had sex for the first time.  They had both been drinking with Jonathan’s roommates who had been extremely flirty and giggly the whole time.  Steve smiled thinking back on it the disaster it had almost been.

Steve ran his fingers over the one where he had on a feather boa, a knit type of beret and his glasses. 

\------

 

_ Flashback _

_ “So we finally get to meet you in person,” Shanna, a third year NYU student that Jonathan had met on campus teased Steve.  “We were beginning to think you were a figment of Jonathan’s imagination.” Her girlfriend, Dana grinned as she drank another beer.  “Yeah - you’re prettier in person. You should be a model,” she toasted at him. _

_ They all started getting drunk and silly and Jonathan began snapping photos doing his cheesy photographer impersonation - “Sexy, sexy, I love it.  Give me the eyes, yeah, baby yeah!” They started dragging out the girls’ wardrobe and draping each other in it. From scarves and feather boas, slinky dresses and lace gloves, hats and swirling capes, Shanna, Dana and Steve had so much fun just playing around and making Jonathan howl with laughter even as he photographed them. _

_ When Jonathan went out to pick up Chinese and get more beer, Shanna pulled Steve into Jonathan’s room to pull out a bin from under Jonathan’s bed for what she suspected was some other ‘fun’ stuff they could play with. They giggled as they found a small box of sex toys.  Nothing shocking for Steve, but he had never imagined Jonathan would own anything like furry handcuffs, nipple clamps or a even a dildo for that matter. His eyes widened at the thought that Jonathan not only knew what these things were but actually owned them. His life in New york must be more exciting than he’d ever mentioned to Steve.  Steve, of course knew what everything was. He’d had a varied education since high school - between porn and having a few adventurous partners from California and one very studious ex-girlfriend (and current occasional booty call who also lived in New York) who believed in studying absolutely everything she could get her hands on, Steve had a lot of exposure to the wilder side of things.  He just never thought Jonathan had. He assumed, outside of his current kind of wild gay roommate, Jonathan was still as innocent as he was when he left Hawkins with only one ex-girlfriend. Of course, that being the same as girlfriend as his own, Steve should have known better. They might not have had as an exciting sex life as Steve and Nancy but he knew Nancy had taught him some things. Not that any of them ever discussed any of it.  As far as he knew, Jonathan broke up with Nancy because he didn’t like her more adventurous side. Nancy had insinuated that Jonathan didn’t care for her suggestions and Jonathan never said why he broke up with her. Steve had asked several times but Jonathan just shut him down and said he didn’t want to discuss it. _

_ Steve was playing with the nipple clamps wondering who Jonathan was using them on.  He hadn’t mentioned any girls he was seeing and neither of his roommates seemed likely since they were seeing each other.  At least Steve felt better that maybe Jonathan wouldn;t freak out if he ever found out Steve slept with men. Not a given. Some guys are fine with two girls having sex, but not two guys.  Seemed hypocritical to Steve. He really didn’t think Jonathan would feel that way. He was generally an accepting kind of person. _

_ Dana was under the other side of the bed and pulled out another box.  “What’s in here? OOH...more photos! Oh...wow! Look at this!” _

_ She brought the box around to show Shanna and Steve a photo of Steve of lying in a bed, mostly dressed but barefoot, looking into the camera.  “That’s kind of hot, Steve. I’ve never really been into feet but I can kind of see the appeal. I wonder if Jonathan is?” _

_ Steve laughed.  That would seem likely.  He often asked Steve to be barefoot in his shots.  He said it showed a vulnerability he liked to explore in his subjects. Steve was okay with that even if it made him take better care of his own feet just in case they were going to be photographed. As long as no one wanted to paint his toenails or have him wear heels, that was okay. He was sure if he ever wore heels, he’d twist his ankle and fall on his ass.   _

_ Then Shanna and Dana started laughing louder.  “Oh my god! I’ve never seen these!”  _

_ Shanna grabbed them ‘ Oh - these must be from that club he went to.”  She passed the photos over to Steve was now was in shock. There were some photos from what looked to be a club where people had sex?  Steve wasn’t naive. He’d certainly heard some people were into some stuff. Nancy was full of stories from people she knew although she claimed to have never visited any of them. So Steve knew there were places like this, but why did Jonathan have these photos? _

_ “OH - yeah.  I remember. He was hired to take some photos from the owners for some kind of magazine.  He was beat red when he came back. You remember - Jack from down at the Pony Club introduced him to the owners,” Dana asked Shanna. _

_ “The Pony Club?” Steve asked, the name sounding cheesier than he would have expected. _

_ “Yeah...and it’s as bad as it sounds,” Shanna replied.  “Not sure where Jonathan met him but Jack had hired him to do some headshots for his “acting career” although I’m pretty sure he’s only been in porn.  I guess he did a good job.” _

_ Steve reviewed the photos a little bit in shock.  Jonathan not only had sex toys but he was going to places like this?  Why would he have never spoken to Steve about it? At that moment though, Steve remembered that Jonathan had no idea Steve liked boys or slept around at all.  It occured to Steve that neither of them ever spoke about their love lives outside of a brief, “You seeing anyone? No, you? No. So, how about them Hoosiers?” _

_ Steve reviewed the photos as they were handed over.  There was a lot of leather chaps, chains, ropes, floggers, bondage gear and lots of men and women all over each other. _

_ Thinking about it, he wondered if Jonathan was afraid of Steve’s reaction.  There was a history before their friendship evolved where he had called Jonathan a few, unkind names and told him he was a pervert.  While Jonathan had accepted Steve’s apology, he probably thought Steve was still the same, vanilla small-town hick that wouldn’t accept this side of Jonathan.  Steve promised himself to make Jonathan aware that Steve would never judge him for things like this anymore. Maybe he’d even admit a few of his own, including his own bisexuality, to make his friend feel more comfortable about it.  Clearly Jonathan was accepting enough of same sex partners if his roommate had one and he was willing to photograph for this club. A bit of tension fell from Steve’s shoulder as he realized that maybe he could tell Jonathan a few truths about himself. _

_ “He did a great job.  These photos are hot!” Dana screeched, quickly going through them and passing them over to Shanna before she passed them on to Steve. Dana slowed down at one and  whistled. “I don’t much like boys but I know you love blonds, Shanna. Check him out. Don’t think this one is at the club.” She giggled as she eyed the photo. _

_ Shanna grabbed the photo her hand and squealed.  “Oh god, he is hot. But that mullet, man. That’s gotta go.” _

_ Steve felt his heart sink just a bit until Shanna passed the photo over and his heart sunk the rest of the way.  Sure enough, there was Billy, with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, in Steve’s guest room window, fucking Steve who couldn’t be identified because he was bent over and his face hidden by his hair.  Billy was looking for all the world like he was the king overseeing his kingdom. _

_ “Oh!  Oh...shit…” Dana trailed off from titillation to distress.  She looked up at Steve with concern. _

_ Shanna grabbed the photo, ‘What?”  She looked at it and then at Steve.  “I...um…” _

_ Steve took the photo from her.  Sure enough, his face was in plain view.  Billy had his hand in Steve’s hair yanking him up, Steve face screwed up in what Steve couldn’t tell was pain or pleasure at this point.  With Billy, it was fifty-fifty. He sort of remembers the ashes falling off the cigarette onto his back but at least Billy hadn’t put it out on him.  He always seemed like it was something he wanted to do. _

_ “Did you...know…” and Steve knew what Shanna was asking.  Had Jonathan taken these without his knowledge? It’s one thing to voluntarily pose for exotic photos , it’s another to have them taken without your knowledge.  He stilled any emotion from showing on his face. He wasn’t going to do that to Jonathan. Jonathan wasn’t a pervert. Well, not more so than Steve and he really liked his roommates and Steve was not going to ruin everything. _

_ They heard the door open and close and Jonathan yelling, “I’m back!” _

_ The girls turned nervously toward the living room.   _

_ Steve swallowed.  “Yeah - Billy and I agreed.  It was some kind of project on the psyche of a voyeur or something.  I don’t remember exactly,” he sputtered out as if trying to explain the obvious angles of the shot from the ground, through a second story window. The lie sat a little heavy on his tongue.   _

_ “Oh...ok.  That’s well...as long as you...you know volunteered,” Shanna whispered, sounding slightly relieved. _

_ Dana coughed. “Maybe you should talk to Jack about getting into porn,” she said with a nervous laugh.  She didn’t sound convinced with Steve’s story but she let it go. She handed the box to Steve. “You’re kind hot - and this from a hard core girl lover.” She smiled at him with an apology. _

_ “Yeah maybe,” Steve turned to see Jonathan staring at them in horror.  Steve sat the box down and stood. “Did you get my Kung Pao?” he said as he walked by Jonathan.  The girls scooted by Jonathan as well. _

_ By the end of the night, it seemed as if the girls had forgotten all about it as Steve had acted like nothing was wrong and continued to laugh and joke with Jonathan. _

_ After they went to their room, Jonathan started sputtering apologies. _

_ Steve interrupted him. “Let’s go to your room.  I don’t want to have this discussion here.” Steve walked into Jonathan’s room, Jonathan trailing behind him.  Steve grabbed the box and sat on the bed and looked up at Jonathan as he turned from shutting the door. _

_ “So what are these?”  Steve asked, pulling out the photos of Billy and him and waving them towards Jonathan. _

_ “I, uh, it wasn’t intentional.” Jonathan shifted his weight from left to right and back again avoiding Steve’s eyes. _

_ “Really?  Because I see about twenty photos here and I don’t think you accidentally hit the button that many times.”  Steve was trying to keep his calm. He wanted to understand what was going on with Jonathan before he jumped to any conclusions. _

_ “No - I meant, I really was just walking by.  I was coming to see you and ask to take some photos at the lake.  I cut through the back and I saw you two in the window. I couldn’t look away.  I almost didn’t realize I had the camera in my hands.”  _

_ Looking down at one of the photos, Steve realized Billy was looking straight at the camera.  “Did he know? Did he see you out there spying on us?” Steve asked. _

_ “Yeah”, Jonathan whispered guiltily but he finally looked at Steve. “That’s when he…” _

_ “He pulled me up just so you could see me.  In all my glory.” Steve thought he should feel more upset about this but he was more confused than anything.  Why had Jonathan never said anything? _

_ “I couldn’t help myself.  You looked so...” Jonathan was actually wringing his hands, face flushed red with shame. _

_ “So what?  Slutty, cheap…?” Steve waited to hear one of the litany of words he was so used to.  _ _  
_

_ “Beautiful,”  Jonathan sighed and sat on the bed, back facing away from Steve. _

_ Steve stopped.  That was the first time anyone had called him that.  Billy often called him ‘pretty’ but often in a derogatory way.  He’d also been called sexy, handsome, hung, whoreish and of course cheap and slutty.  Never ‘beautiful’. “What?” he asked hesitantly. _

_ Jonathan turned to face him.  “That’s when I knew for sure. Not only that I liked boys, but that I liked you.  Like that. I was so jealous of Billy and he knew it. He wanted to rub it in. And I had no idea you liked boys, let alone Billy until that moment.  But I knew I couldn’t have you because he did. He knew it, too. It was like he was saying to me ‘Go ahead and take some pictures because that’s all you’ll ever have’.  And forgive me, I did. I took them because you are so...beautiful.” Jonathan seemed so ashamed of himself.  _

_ And Steve understood exactly when that was.  That was Jonathan’s previous visit home. Jonathan had been busy for a photo shoot.  Been too busy to see Steve. It was the one time Billy traipsed him all over town and fucked him more than usual.  It was also why Steve was in New York now. He had missed Jonathan then and wanted to see him. Had just bought the idea that Jonathan had been too busy to see him and not that he didn’t want to see Steve. _

_ “So you want me?” Steve asked as he reached up and took Jonathan’s hand.  Jonathan jumped and turned around to look at him.  _

_ “Dear god, yes”  _

_ Steve tugged him closer.  “You can have me. I’m yours tonight.” _

_ “What about Billy?” _

_ “What about him?  We’re not dating. We just fuck every now and then.  We’re not exclusive or anything so don’t worry about him or anyone else.  Tonight I’m yours.” _

_ Jonathan looked shocked but eager. He took Steve’s hand in his and rubbed a thumb over it,  “I want more. I want...” _

_ Steve stopped him with his mouth as he pulled Jonathan into a long, deep kiss. Jonathan was soft as he accepted Steve’s tongue into his mouth.  Steve could taste the Sweet and Sour Chicken that Jonathan had eaten earlier and thought ‘how appropriate’. He pulled back for a moment to say, “I can’t give you more, Jonathan.  You’re here, I’m there, but I can give you this now. If that’s enough. I’ll give you what I can.” _

_ Jonathan looked him in the eyes and nodded. ‘I’ll take what I can get,” before kissing him again, this time Jonathan pushing Steve against the mattress and demanding Steve yield to him. Steve did so willingly and enthusiastically. It was so simple and yet, so amazing. _

_ End Flashback _

===

Steve had buried some of those details.  Jonathan never once brought up he wanted more than they had.  Jonathan always touched him tenderly, eagerly and with affection.  Always looked him the eyes when he rocked into Steve, touching foreheads when not kissing, holding out as long as he could.  He sometimes held Steve’s face like he was something precious which was unbearably painful at times to Steve. Jonathan never asked for more than anyone else did and yet Steve found sex with him more unnerving than with anyone else.  The way Jonathan watched his every move as if Steve might disappear from beneath him was intense. 

He made Jonathan promise to never watch him with anyone else again unless that person agreed.  Which led to eventual admission that Jonathan was, in fact, a voyeur and he enjoyed watching. That was why he went to the club.  He never participated but he had liked watching and learning. He said had never watched anyone else but Billy and Steve in private but just to be sure, Steve offered himself up for poses that prior to that admission, Jonathan never would have asked for. 

They took inspiration from the photos from the club except Jonathan preferred silk scarves to handcuffs, satin blindfolds to latex face masks, fishnet stockings to leather chaps.  There were the occasional lingerie shots, but mostly he liked to photograph Steve’s face after they had finished and Steve was blissed out on orgasms. He also loved shots of Steve fast asleep or just half-naked lying on the sheets reading a book.  They were not photos in Steve’s album, but he imagined they were under Jonathan’s bed.

Steve wondered if he had known that Jonathan knew about Billy back then, if he would have suggested that Jonathan come and watch Billy and him together.  He’s pretty sure Billy would have agreed in a heartbeat if for no other reason to show off. He’s also pretty sure Jonathan would have enjoyed it as well. 

\---- __  
  


Steve ended up drifting the day away between napping and watching tv until late in the afternoon when the phone rang and woke him from a deep sleep on the couch.  

He reached for the phone on the end table and slurred a hello as he sat up and laid his head against the back of the couch.  

As if his thoughts had summoned him, Jonathan’s voice demanded, “Steve, are you ok?” He sounded worried. “My mom just told me what happened.”

“Hey Jonathan. I’m...ok.”  Steve tried to blink away the grogginess and there was a long silence between them.  Finally he heard a hesitant, “Steve?” from the other end of the line.

Steve swallowed. “Sorry...I’m a little fuzzy now.  Pain pills and all. But yeah - nothing broken. A few stitches. A hell of a headache.”  No need to mention all the other bruises and contusions as the doctors called them on the rest of his body.  

He wondered what Joyce had told Jonathan.  And how much of it was true. Was it just the cover story of Mr. Hargrove beating Steve “the Slut” Harrington because he had corrupted his son or the actual truth because there were so few of them knew the actual truth but Joyce knew Hopper.  Not that Hopper would blab to just anyone. He and Joyce were married now though so she was the one person he would tell - even with their history. Not that Joyce had known about and Steve’s few rendevouz with a drunk Hopper or that Hopper was aware of how Steve had consoled a grieving Joyce after the events in 84. He would never tell either of them and was kind of proud of himself for finally being the one to get those two together like it always should have been.

“Shit, man.  Hargrove’s a psycho.  I thought Billy was unstable but his father?” Jonathan sounded freaked out.

“Yeah - the apple doesn’t fall far and all that I guess.”

“Is the rest of it true?  Hopper didn’t tell mom everything I think.  Or maybe she just didn’t tell me - just said that he...that you and he...well...for awhile now but that this time he attacked you and tried to...I can barely even say the word…” Jonathan fumbled around, clearly looking for the right words.

“Rape?” Steve filled in.  He wasn’t afraid of the word.  Just the implications and how some people reacted to it.  Some would say if he’d been willing all this time - well then couldn’t really call it rape now could it?  Or if you also slept with half the town (he knew he was exaggerating but he also knew small town gossips would say exactly that), you can’t expect to be taken seriously.  It didn’t matter to them if this one time Steve didn’t want it. To Steve it did matter that it was being forced on him. It should be considered a crime no matter if Steve had had sex with forty-ninth people and he didn’t want the fiftieth person or if Steve had had sex ninety-nine times with one person but didn’t want it the hundredth time.  It was still rape. But somehow some people justified to themselves that it wasn’t a crime if the victim wasn’t pristine. Which of course was bullshit. 

“Yeah...rape...you because you tried to break it off?  That you’d only been doing it to protect them? Max and Billy?” Jonathan was almost whispering now as if he could barely get it out and was terrified someone would overhear him.

Steve knew that Jonathan had been told the truth.

“I’m not sure which part to answer first..but yes to all of it I guess.  I mean, he tried but I finally almost won a fight. You’d have been proud of me. At least I held him off until Hopper saved the day.  Shit, I really need to take more self-defense classes. Maybe I should have Nancy teach me how to use a gun? What do you think?” Steve asked in a self-deprecating tone, deflecting the horrible squeak at the other end of the line.  ‘Or’, he thought, ‘I should have never stopped sleeping with that damned bat near my bed but I got complacent and it just sat mostly useless in his car trunk for the last few years.’ 

The bat.  Wow - the last time he’d had actually had to use the bat was the first time he and Hopper had had sex.  Steve hadn’t expected to stumble into a drug deal in the middle of the woods in Hawkins while patrolling.  They certainly hadn’t expected to see him. The bat held up well against their knives but not so much against guns that were finally pointed out the van window. Steve saw at them at the last minute and ran.  He knew the woods better than they did. A few shots were fired but it had been dark and the trees mostly covered him, but one grazed his arm. He heard the van driving away and guessed they realized they’d lost him.  Steve had known better than to try to go back to his car on the road. So he walked to Hopper’s cabin about thirty minutes away, clutching his arm, grateful the bullet hadn’t imbedded itself but it still bled pretty well.  

Drunk Hopper had still been capable enough to wrap his arm, yell at Steve for patrolling alone without telling anyone, for not just running away at the first sight of trouble instead of confronting drug dealers because “that was stupid!”  And “We aren’t stupid,” Hopper had reminded him before holding Steve in a tight hug. Then Steve had pushed just a little after learning Jane was at the Byers place. Thinking about Joyce, Steve had become a little overwhelmed and held Hopper just a little tighter. H e softly mouthed along Hopper’s neck and when Hopper didn’t stop him, he slid further and further down.  There were a few moments when Hopper had hesitated, had held his hand and said you don’t need to but gave in when Steve looked him in the eye as he placed his hand on Hopper’s belt and said, “I know. I want to. Please?” And Hopper had just nodded and closed his eyes. The next morning Hopper never spoke of it, like it never happened - until one night a few months later, Hopper had been drunk and called Steve.  

That’s how it always happened.  Hopper drank, called Steve to come over and Steve went.  He never asked where Eleven was those nights. He assumed a sleepover somewhere as Hopper had been trying to give her more freedom.  All Hopper said to Steve by way of explanation was that sometimes he drank because of his nightmares but sometimes drinking wasn’t enough.  That’s when he called Steve. Steve understood all too well the kinds of things nightmares could drive you to do. 

It had been a few years since the last time they had been together.  Hopper called Steve ‘Joyce’ as his hand pulled through Steve’s hair. He stopped, seemingly mortified until Steve tugged on him with an “It’s ok, Hopper.  Really, it’s ok.” Hopper finished but it was also clear he was also finished with anything between them. Steve had left him with, “I think you should call her, Hopper.” He hadn’t been sure if he was trying to make himself or Hopper feel better.  Like Joyce, Hopper seemed to need alcohol to have sex with Steve and that always made Steve feel inadequate. At least Nancy had never needed alcohol to have sex - only to break up with him. 

Then Hopper joined AA and he never called Steve again and they never spoke about it.  Steve only saw either of them at group events now. Until he had shown up in the nick of time to pull an enraged Neil Hargrove off of Steve.

 

 

“Steve? Steve? STEVE!”  Jonathan yelled through the phone trying to get his attention. 

Oh...yeah, he was on the phone.  He’d drifted away again thinking about stuff.  Between the meds and the pain, it was hard to stay focused. “I’m here...I’m here.  Sorry. I got...lost there for a second.” 

“Are you really ok?  Do you need to go back to the doctor or anything?  I can come back…” Jonathan truly sounded worried.

“Jonathan, no.  I’m fine. It’ll just take a few days to get back on my feet.  You don’t need to come back here. Don’t you have an interview this week?  I loved the photos by the way. You really are good.”

“Well, thanks. It helps the model is so attractive,” Jonathan said, sweetly before his voice hardened and adding, “but I mean it.  I can come back and help.” 

Steve was touched by the offer but knew he couldn’t inconvenience Jonathan no matter how much Steve would like to see him. “No. I’ll be fine.  Maybe I’ll come there to see you soon, though? If I’m still welcome, that is?” Steve asked, hesitantly. 

“Of course.  Why wouldn’t you be welcome?” Jonathan asked.

Steve tried to answer but had no words.  He ended up hiccuping that turned into a choked cry and suddenly started sobbing.  The unconditional acceptance Jonathan offered seemed unreal. Jonathan had always been there for him when Steve had needed him.  Steve had tried to be just as available in return. Steve was beginning to wonder if he was holding Jonathan back. That the surety of Steve’s presence kept Jonathan from looking for anyone else as either a model or a sex partner. Jonathan was a creature of habit in terms of his social world.  He may love new experiences but not new people. He probably needed to expand his horizons. He was sure once Jonathan knew the whole story, he’d write Steve off as a bad youthful indiscretion - as he suspected most of the people he knew would - but would Jonathan have the ability to move on the way he should?

“Steve, Steve...please, baby.  It’s ok. It’ll be ok. I promise.  I wish I was there. Are you alone? You shouldn’t be alone,” Jonathan babbled reassuringly.

It broke Steve’s heart that that acceptance might disappear but he also thought that it would be better for Jonathan in the long run that he find someone who wasn’t as damaged as Steve was beginning to understand he was.  Steve probably needed to start pushing Jonathan in that direction. 

“That’s just it.  I should be. I can’t be trusted.  I can’t say fucking no - or no to fucking.  Jesus, what the hell is wrong with me? For Christ’s sake, I let Tommy come on my face last night.  How can you possibly...?” Steve wanted to cry. It really was sinking in that there was something wrong with him.

“You - what?” Jonathan asked in a high pitch, obviously taken aback.  “Are you ok? He didn’t force you, did he?”

Steve almost laughed at the realization that somehow Jonathan still didn’t realize what a slut he was.  That all of this - even the people or things he didn’t care for - was all voluntary. With the exception of the actual assault that caused his current injuries, the sxual escapades he had participated in the last few years were all consensual - many of them enthusiastically consensual. Some of that was Steve’s fault since obviously he had never discussed it with anyone prior to this week,

“What - NO...no I’m just...I don’t know what the hell I am.  Jonathan, you’re probably better off without me.” Steve calmed down and knew what he needed to do.  “Jonathan, you’re a good friend. I love you, man, but you deserve better people in your life. Find someone.  You deserve someone wonderful. Just...forget about me. Go get that job, be amazing. You don’t need someone like me cluttering up your life.” He hung up the phone to Jonathan’s spluttering.  He felt ashamed over how he was shutting Jonathan out but like a bandaid, best to just do it. Jonathan would get over it. Just like Billy had, just like Nancy had, like Lauren and Amy, like Hopper.  Like Joyce.

 

He grabbed some tissues to wipe his tears and blow his nose.  He paced the house for a bit and looked out the window. It was still light enough to clearly see the “SLUT” spray painted across his car.  Well, it could be worse. He wondered if he should walk outside to see if the house had also been defaced. He was sure he’d have to pay for fixing that but someone would just do it again, so if it was there, he was going to leave it there for now.  No need to look at it now. The car was enough to think about.

They weren’t wrong.  That was exactly what he was.  A slut. He’d never really thought it a derogatory term before.  He’d always thought if sex was enjoyable and everyone wanted to have it, what was wrong with it?  He still thought there was nothing wrong with it in general but he was starting to understand that maybe there were some reasons that people had sex that weren’t right. That maybe there was a bit more to it. Using sex, instead of dealing with other emotions like grief, trauma or loneliness was clearly not helpful long-term, even if in the moment it seemed like it was.  That maybe using it as a bargaining chip was not a wise idea even if again it worked in the short term And that maybe Steve should have said no some of those times. But could he regret the time that Billy and Max remained in Hawkins had been relatively bruise-free after his bargains. That they had a home that was almost harmonious because their dad was a fucked-up closeted sadist who was willing to exchange his free punching bags to freely live out his creepy kinks with a somewhat willing partner on a regular basis?  No, Steve admitted to himself, he couldn’t really regret that one. Dislike it, yes. Regret, no. He also couldn’t really regret using it to allow Jonathan and Nancy their freedom. And at least Krychek was a lot more pleasant than Neil was. Compared to Neil, Krychek was downright romantic and a good cook to boot so Steve even got food in that deal.

He did regret not choosing a better way to console Joyce when she was grieving for Bob.  Not just because of the possible consequences when Jonathan or Hopper learned of it, but also because it impacted his relationship with Joyce. Mostly because once she left, he lost an opportunity to know her in any other way.  She avoided him now except during full party activities. She never looked him in the eye if they ended up in a room together, as if she was ashamed or disgusted by him. He really had never meant for that to happen. He certainly had never thought of her that way before, unlike Mrs. Wheeler who had at least flirted with him on occasion prior to making a move on Steve.  No, he had stopped by the Byers after New Years to drop off gloves Jonathan had left at Steve’s during the a movie night the gang had there. He knew Jonathan would need them since they were still on winter break and it would be awhile until Steve would see him at school.

Joyce clearly hadn’t been expecting anyone and was smoking on the couch and drinking beer when he knocked.  She just yelled for him to come in. It had been clear she’d been crying.

 

_ ******* _

_ Flashback _

 

_ “Mrs. Byers, are you ok?” Steve asked as he sat the gloves down on the end table before sitting next to her on the couch.   _

_ She waved her arms around.  “Sure, sure...Just...you know feeling a little crazy,” she huffed out. “And how many times to I need to tell you to call me Joyce?”  She laughed as if she was trying to put on a brave face instead of the embarrassment of being caught crying.  _

_ Steve knew that look.  He’d done it too many times over the years.  Trying to look like he wasn’t mortified when his parents gave him backhanded compliments in front of people. Acting calm instead of angry when his father berated him in private and told to suck up his punishment and be grateful his dad had time to discipline him properly. Seeming cool when Tommy and Billy humiliating him in basketball or laughing about how Nancy dumped him in front of his teammates. Pretending like he was ok when Nancy had run off with Jonathan the day after they broke up.  For fuck’s sake, he even said it was okay. Who did that?  _

_ Eventually, he thought he really would be okay with them.  It was clear now that Nancy had been drawn to Jonathan since the previous year. Steve and Nancy had been edging away from each other almost the whole time they dated.  Steve had just been too stupid to see it (he really is an idiot, sometimes). It was the abruptness of Nancy leaving Steve and turning to Jonathan that had broken him. It had only been a day after their fight.  Two days after Nancy said she loved him - and not for the first time. The cruelness of being called bullshit, even if Steve already suspected himself of that. Steve had needed time to wrap his head around that but he hadn’t been given time.  Instead, he had to put on a brave face and sucked it up as he’d been taught to. He was still confused and distressed over the situation whenever the entire group got together. He felt a little humiliated when Nancy and Jonathan tried to avoid being overly couply in front of him but angry when they didn’t.  He didn’t want their pity but at the same time he did want some consideration. He wasn’t in a great headspace, so he was unsure how to help anyone else but he was going to try. Mrs. Byers was not Jonathan. She had been kind to him so he wanted to return the favor. _

_ “I’m, sorry, Joyce,” and Steve choked on the name as he wasn’t used to calling adults by their first name, but she had asked and he wanted to respect that.  “I imagine the holidays were hard, right? Can’t imagine it. I didn’t know...uh..” _ __  
_  
_ __ “Bob,” Joyce said flatly and Steve nodded, blushing because he was embarrassed he had blanked on his name.  Steve had never met him. Had never even heard of him before that night and he was already dead by then. Steve hadn’t gone to the funeral either.  Barb’s had been hard enough. He had known her, certainly had gotten to know her parents over the past year and he felt some responsibility towards her since she disappeared from his house.  But between the heightened emotions of seeing Nancy and Jonathan together there and his own physical recovery from Billy’s beat-down and the aftermath of battling demodogs, he hadn’t been up to going to the funeral of someone else the same week.  

_ “Yeah. I’m sorry I never met him but I heard from Will how cool he was,” Steve said apologetically. _

_ Joyce was wiping her tears away with a sad smile. “He wasn’t cool.  But he was so...he was so brave,” Joyce said. “And we...I thought we had a future.  He wanted me. You know - crazy lady Joyce Byers.” _

_ “You’re not crazy,” Steve said, and squeezed her knee reassuringly. _

_ She laughed.  “Yeah right. That’s not what you said last year,” she said, giving him the side eye. _

_ “You heard about that, huh?” Steve took his hand back, embarrassed. _

_ “Well, yeah.  Jonathan had to explain why he was arrested for pummelling your face in.  He’s not usually prone to to violence except when it comes to me or Will. Don’t think I don’t know some of things you or your friends have said to him over the years, either,” she turned to face him. _

_ Steve cringed under her gaze. “Yeah, I was an ass.  I’m hoping not quite so much anymore.” _

_ “Not so much no.”  She smiled at him. You’ve come a long way from Nancy ‘the Slut’ Wheeler.”  He met her halfway and turned towards her. He should take his lumps. He deserved it.  _

_ “To be fair, I didn’t actually do that - but I let Tommy do it and didn’t stop him.”  Steve had recognized that was one of his major issues. While he rarely participated in what could be called bullying, he never stopped it either.  He went along to get along and being with Nancy had taught him that was just as bad. “I...misread something I saw,” he admitted. “I didn’t react well to it.” _

_ “Teenage boys rarely do. Jonathan also didn’t make the right choices either,” she said.  “He shouldn’t have taken those photos. Truthfully, I understood why you broke his camera.  If it had been Will, I’d have done that, too.” She put out her cigarette and took another drink, finishing the bottle.  She waggled it at him as if asking if he wanted one. He shook his head no and she sat it on the floor where Steve noticed another empty one already there.  He wondered if she was drunk but she seemed as if she was still sober. “I’m also glad you replaced it.”  _

_ “He told you that?” Steve was surprised.  He expected Jonathan would have painted Steve to be the villain but not admit his own culpability in the events. _

_ “I’m his mother.  I know pretty well when my boys are lying or not telling the whole truth.  Particularly Jonathan. He kind of wears his heart on his sleeve, poor thing.  It’s going to either be his salvation or break his heart unbearably.” _

_ “Well, you’re better than my mother then,” Steve frowned.  “She pretty much bought the story I was jumped by another high school’s basketball team after a game - two years in a row.”  Steve laughed a little. “Basketball season doesn’t even start until January.” His parents had never paid attention to his schedule. _

_ Joyce didn’t say anything. She looked at Steve with something close to pity which made his stomach roll. Steve looked around and spied Will’s drawing of Bob from a distance.  “I really am sorry about Bob. He was really brave. I wish I could have...” he trailed off. What could he have said “trade places?” He didn’t wish that. He liked living. Be better like him? Maybe.  Bob seemed like a good guy. Someone Steve should emulate. He looked back at her. _

_ She glanced at the drawing as well.  “Yeah, he was brave and kind and god, I miss him.”  She looked back at Steve with understanding. “You know, I never thanked you.  You are also really brave.” _

_ Steve’s eyes widened. “Thank me? Those kids almost got killed under my watch.  I’m not brave. I didn’t - all those times I helped, it was just circumstance.  I didn’t know what I was getting into. Last year, I just wanted to apologize and suddenly there was a gun, a monster and Nancy was in danger.  I just wanted us to survive and I didn’t know what the hell was going on. I almost ran.” _

_ “Almost being the key word,” Joyce reassured him.  She took his right hand in both of hers and patted it. _

_ “I should have said no to Dustin.  Not taken him to the junkyard. Not have them follow me to the lab. I should have just been able to keep them here.  I should have just said no to all of them and be able to make it stick. I just can’t seem to do that. That’s all I had to do and I failed.”  He shivered remembering the nightmares where all the things that could have, that should have gone wrong, did. _

_ “I think Billy had a little to with that.  And you stepped up. You might not have planned it but being brave has nothing to do with planning.  It’s what you do in the moment that counts. And you did it - like Bob did. You’re both super heroes in my book.” _

_ “And you, too, Mrs. Byers,” he said.  She eyed him with a smile and he corrected himself, “Joyce.” _

_ She released his hand and reached for his face. “How’s your face feeling?  I don’t see any bruising anymore.” She was looking at his face carefully, a gentle hand caressing it in examination.  “Ah, still a bit of a bump here then,” she smiled at him as she felt where the plate hit him. _

_ “Yeah, I owe you a plate, I guess.” Steve said, looking at her uneasily.  It felt nice to have her fingers on him, but he was unsure why. She was awfully close to him. _

_ “No, Billy does.”  She smiled but then her hand froze on him and her eyes welled up and she burst into tears.  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I don’t...mean to...cry.” She was sobbing again. _

_ She tried to pull away but Steve wrapped an arm around her waist to hold her.  ‘It’s ok. You can cry if you need to, You can cry.” He wasn’t sure why she was crying now but he felt at the way she was crying with her whole body.  She was taking deep breaths, her shoulders shaking. _

_ Finally she gasped out,  “The song...our last dance…”  The radio was playing ‘Islands in the Stream’ and Steve understood that maybe this song had been their last dance.  He got it. Whenever he heard ‘Faithfully’ over the last month, it reminded him of Nancy and it both pissed him off and made him sad.   _

_ He curled her closer for a one-armed hug to let her cry it out and she kept repeating, “I miss him, I miss him so much.” He was surprised when she crawled into his lap and wrapped her arms around him and cried into his chest.  He slid his other one arm around her to just let her cry. He found himself patting her hair. He wasn’t really good at this consolation stuff. Just ask Nancy. He’d never been able to help her with Barb the way he should have.  So when Joyce went from sobbing into his neck to kissing it, he didn’t know what to do so he just let her do what she wanted. Nancy had sometimes sobbed with grief and then asked Steve to help her forget everything. She’d go from crying to kissing to wanting to fuck to forget everything.  Steve always obliged. Sometimes the orgasms he gave her then seemed so much stronger than at other times. He sometimes wondered if Nancy felt weird about that, but she always seemed better the following day so he assumed grief sex was a good thing. _

_ He didn’t know. Steve had never really felt true grief before.  Both of his grandparents had been gone a long before he was born.  He had no extended family or pets to speak of to care about. His parents would have never tolerated something as mundane as grief even if he had anything to grieve over. _

_ He hated seeing anyone cry for any reason. He just wanted to feel them better. Since Nancy had appreciated it, he had no reason to believe he couldn’t help Joyce in the same way.  She deserved happiness too even if he could only grant it for a short amount of time, so when she finally kissed her way to his lips, he gave her everything he could to help her forget.  The salty tang of tears reminded him of Nancy. He thought Joyce was going to stop at one point when she started to mumble, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Forgive me, forgive me,” as she slid her hands under his shirt and began licking and kissing his stomach.  _

_ He wasn’t sure if she was talking to him or Bob or maybe God but he replied, “It’s ok.  Really, It’s ok.” She glanced at him briefly and he nodded at her and she quickly removed his shirt before sliding her hand down between them to touch him through his pants.  She tasted like tears, beer, cigarettes and desperation and he let her control everything until she reached down to remove his belt. He placed a hand on hers to stop her and flipped her over so she was on the couch.  This wasn’t about his pleasure. This was about her need. _

_ “Let me,” he said quietly as he reached for her zipper and slid her jeans down as he slid to the floor between her legs.   _

_ They never left the living room.  He took care of her with his mouth until she went from crying from grief to crying from pleasure and came back down on the other side and then he held her until she cried herself to sleep.  It had been odd to pull her pants back up while she was half-asleep but he couldn’t risk leaving her there half-naked. He got her redressed, held her for a bit more until she was deep asleep.  He slipped out from her side, pulled an afghan over her and left quietly knowing it would be hard to explain if anyone had walked in on them. _

_ End Flashback _

\----

He hadn’t seen her again until the spring.  She had called him on Bob’s birthday. A day she had never gotten to celebrate with him.  So Steve had done it in his stead in another tearful round after toasting to Bob with two bottles of wine.

July 4th of that year was their last time together.  Steve had graduated and sort of felt like an adult so he held a barbecue at his house manning the grill for his friends.  Joyce was the last one left after Jonathan and Nancy had decided to take Will home. She had helped him clean up even though they were still a little drunk again.  Cleaning the kitchen had led to a hilarious yet fumbling round that they both enjoyed until her eye caught a picture of Nancy, Jonathan and him together from graduation and she said, “I keep forgetting you’re only 18. You’re my son’s age.”  She had suddenly seemed like she sobered up and looked slightly horrified and teary-eyed as if that had never occurred to her before. She had looked at him sadly and finally admitted, “I can’t keep doing this. I...I need to move on and you need to find someone you can love.” 

Steve had wanted to say he did love her but recognized it was not in the way she meant. He didn’t really think that was ever going to happen for him so he took love where he could get it. But she also deserved better so he wasn’t going to argue about it.  He knew she deserved someone she could have sex with without needed to drink beforehand. He thought she was probably one of those people that could only be involved with one person at a time and Steve wasn’t it. He had been somewhat relieved though. She was kind to him but it’s not like Joyce was someone he fantasized about. He just liked being able to help her. He was good enough for helping her get over Bob. Now she clearly was and he felt like he had some role in helping her get there. But she needed someone better in the long run.  Someone not like him. Someone like Hopper. He was little angry about it. 

He wondered now if that was why he pushed Hopper just a month later for that first tumble.  He knew, even then, those two were heading towards each other and he put himself in between which delayed their eventual relationship. He hadn’t done it intentionally, but subconsciously had he been that pissed that Joyce just left him alone?  He didn’t care about the sex so much as she rarely never spoke to him afterwards - as if she was embarrassed or thought Steve was going to make a scene. He thought now he probably had wanted to punish her a little for it even if he didn’t recognize it at the time.  She had offered some kind of caring and accepted Steve’s attention back only to decide it wasn’t enough with no room for Steve to adjust to it, just like Nancy had. He recognized now that they had both been fucked up, but then again, who wasn’t fucked up in this town?

Once he started sleeping with Jonathan, and then Joyce and Hopper started dating, he hadn’t thought about Joyce anymore as anyone other than Jonathan’s mother.  Now, they all got along again like there had never been anything more between them - even if it was only a cool acknowledgement during party events.

\-----

 

He realized the phone had been ringing off the hook for some time dragging out of his reveries.  Steve knew it was probably still Jonathan trying to get through. He didn’t answer because he was sure that he’d blurt out his guilty confessions about Jonathan’s mother and that would for sure end any resemblance of friendship with him.  He wasn’t ready for that yet even as he knew it was unfair to the other man.

He went back to the kitchen to take more pain pills and grab a turkey sandwich.  After hearing the phone go off several times - he finally waited for it to pause before he took the ringer off the hook.  That way no one could reach him and maybe he’d just sleep the night away. 

He went back to the couch to wait for the pills to start working.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairings in this chapter:
> 
> Lots of Steve/Jonathan  
> Steve/Billy (referenced)  
> Steve/Hopper  
> Steve/Joyce
> 
> Note on kink - unconsensual voyeurism and exhibitionism mentioned.  
> Also - grief sex (not graphic but discussed)
> 
> I almost wished I had broken this into two chapters but any natural break left me with really short chapters so I kept it together. It ended up really long but then Chapter 7 will be really short. Sometimes that's the breaks!


	6. The Kids are OK - the Others Not So Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of Steve and Dustin bonding. Lots of discussion about the party and Steve learns about a talent that Jane has that he is unaware of. Hopper stops in for a brief visit as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairings and other warnings for this chapter are in the end notes.   
> This chapter is about half as long as the previous. We are past the halfway point though.

**Chapter 6 - The Kids are OK - the Others Not So Much**

 

“What the fuck, man?” Dustin was screaming in his face.  Steve slid off the couch, heart racing a mile a minute.

“What, when, who?!…” Steve panted out, stumbling around the floor and trying to figure out what the hell was going on.  He looked up and Dustin was standing over him on the floor. 

“I’ve been calling all night just getting a busy signal and the phone is off the hook?!  And you weren’t answering your walkie talkie? I thought you were dead or something. Don’t do that to me.  With everything that’s happened - you can’t do that to me.” Dustin was red in the face, visibly distressed.

Steve blinked, trying to catch his breath and slow his heart rate down.  “Christ, Dustin. You scared the hell out of me,” he yelled back, trying to get back up but shaking too much to gain control over himself.  He was having a hard time catching his breath. 

“Scared the hell out of you?  You can’t just not...answer.” Dustin fell onto the couch.  “I really thought…” He finally looked down and saw Steve was not just getting back up.

“Hey, are you okay?” Dustin asked, running a hand soothingly up and down Steve’s back.

“Bag…,” Steve wheezed out.  “Get...me a...bag.” Steve knew he was hyperventilating. It didn’t happen often but it had happened before.

“SHIT!” Dustin ran to the kitchen and grabbed a brown paper bag.  He brought it over to Steve. Steve knelt forward and breathed into it, Dustin sitting beside him trying to calm him down.  After a long while of feeling like he was about to pass out, Steve finally sat up and leaned against the couch.

“I’m ok.  I’m ok,” he waved Dustin off.  His lungs hurt and his headache was back.

“You scared me,” Dustin said, quietly.

“I scared you?” Steve just shook his head.  “What the hell were you thinking just screaming in my face like that?”

“You weren’t answering.  I thought something happened...again,” Dustin said, clearly worried.

“OK - I get that but doing it that way...Jesus! I thought it was him again.  Just like it was the other night. Fuck - waking up with screaming in my face. I’m probably never going to be able to sleep again.”  Steve ran a hand frantically through his hair trying to keep himself calming. 

There was a reason Steve kept his hair long - and not just because of a hair-pulling kink he’d developed.  He also loved when people just played with his hair, whether during sex or just hanging out. Jane, in particular, loved to pet his hair when they watched a movie.  She said it was calming for her even if annoyed Mike to no end. Steve enjoyed it for both of those reasons. An annoyed Mike Wheeler was hilarious. A happy Jane was just a good thing in general. And scalp massages in general felt amazing.  However there were times Steve played with his own hair just to keep himself from spiralling. He wasn’t prone to anxiety attacks as such, but there were times he felt himself drifting away from his own control and a physical sensation like playing with his hair kept him present.  And those closest to him knew it.

Dustin blanched as he looked at Steve’s hand pulling on his own locks.  “Oh, yeah...that. I’m so sorry. I didn’t think about that.” 

Steve knew Dustin hadn’t intentionally set him off so he waved at him like a ‘forget about it signal.  Then he forced himself to stop touching his hair. ’“What time is it?” He hoped he could reassure Dustin he was okay by just asking a dumb question.

“It’s 11:00.  I’ve been trying to reach you since 8:00.  So I thought I’d stop over. When I saw your car, I thought...well I thought something bad had happened.”

Oh yeah.  The car. Dustin must have seen the graffiti on it which probably explained his heightened concern.  Oh, fuck. Steve was going to have to drive that to work the next day. With ‘SLUT’ spray painted all over it.  

As if reading his mind, Dustin said, “Why don’t you use my car tomorrow? Just drop me off and you can use it.  We can drop yours off at MAACO’s or something and get it repainted. That is if you are going to work tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I think so.  I don’t want to hang out here all day.  I may as well go in.” If he felt up to it by 8:00 am that is.  If he wasn’t able to get more sleep, he may have to change his mind.  He couldn’t take any more pain pills if he expected to be able to function the next day.  He figured he’d get some Tylenol and noticed a box on the coffee table when he stood up.

“What’s that?” he asked.

“Oh, mom made you some oatmeal raisin cookies.  She thought if might make you feel better.” At Steve’s guarded look, he added, “She always makes them for me when I’m sick.  That or sugar cookies. They’re really good, I promise.” Dustin grinned, back to his usual self. Steve envied the way Dustin could live in the moment and not let things keep him down.  

“Guess your mom doesn’t hate me then,” Steve said, pleased at her thoughtfulness.  He really loved Claudia. She tried to do her best by Dustin and always welcomed Steve into her home.  She wasn’t always the best cook but he guessed everyone who tried to cook had to have a few good recipes.  “Tell her thank you.” Steve picked the box up and looked inside. The smell wafting from it was delicious. “You want to share some with me?”  He figured he should eat a little something before taking any more pills.

“Sure!”

They went out to the kitchen.  Steve grabbed a glass of milk for both of them and they sat at the table.  Oatmeal raisin wasn’t his particular favorite, but Dustin hadn’t lied. They were pretty good.  Really soft and chewy and the cinnamon settled his stomach. 

They sat quietly for a few long minutes enjoying their treat.  It was odd since Dustin was such a talker, there were rarely any lags in conversations but Steve realized that Dustin must still be feeling a tad guilty over his over reaction.  “So - it’s nice someone doesn’t hate me besides you,” Steve said to break the silence. 

“No one hates you,” Dustin blurted out and almost sprayed Steve with cookie and milk crud.

“Swallow before talking,” Steve admonished lightly, then added, “and my car would say otherwise,” Steve replied. 

Dustin swallowed.  “OK. SOME - ILL-INFORMED and IGNORANT people might be saying some not so nice things,” Dustin tried to reassure him, “but those people are STUPID and we don’t listen to stupid people.”  

“That’s ok. You’re right. Most people don’t matter to me.”  What Steve was really trying to ask was where he stood with the party?  Besides Jonathan and Nancy (and more peripherally now Hopper and Joyce), the only people really he cared about were the kids, even if they weren’t really kids anymore.  

Steve sighed in relief when Dustin understood his unspoken question.

“Will asked how you were.  He wanted to come over but said his mom suggested he give you a few days.”  

Steve’s heart dropped a bit.  He wondered if Joyce was now going to try to get either of her sons to push Steve away.  Steve didn’t laugh at the irony that he had already decided he should do that with Jonathan but it was one thing for Steve to realize he wasn’t a good influence on someone but a whole other heart-breaking one to realize that other people thought that.

“Lucas also asked me to pass on his well wishes.  He’s still out of town at his cousins. I haven’t spoken to Max or Jane yet.” That surprised Steve a bit.  He was sure Dustin would have spoken to everyone.

Apparently sensing his question, Dustin continued, “Max is out of town, too. I don’t have a number for where she’s at.”  Dustin looked away as if he wasn’t sure Steve wanted to know where Max was at. Except Steve already knew. Neil had actually told him because Susan had taken her there the previous Monday.  He had called and asked Steve to come to the house. When Steve had reminded him it wasn’t Thursday, Neil had just said he wanted to adjust their schedule for the week since he was alone for a change and they could use his house for a change instead of the cabin change.  Neil wanted to reenact their first time but with more bells and whistles if that was okay with Steve. Steve remembered grimacing in distaste but he thought he may as well just get it over with and he’d be free for the rest of the week. Ha! That adjustment hadn’t been what Steve thought it was.  He thought it was a one day change for one week but Neil had bigger plans.

 

Of course, he hadn’t mentioned them until Steve was leaving that night.  He informed Steve that Max was staying with Billy for the summer before heading off to college. Apparently Billy had sent her airline tickets as a graduation present so she could visit California once more before heading to Florida for school. And wasn’t that rich?  All that time Steve had been trying to protect Max from Billy and because it had worked so perfectly, they now got along well enough that she wanted to spend time with him alone.  

As Steve was gathering up his things, Neil had bitched about Billy but he seemed happy Max was out of the house. He told Steve that she was essentially gone except for school breaks now. And that Susan would be gone until the weekend so Neil wanted more time to ‘fully appreciate’ Steve. He still wanted Thursday.  He’d actually wanted every day until Susan got back. Wanted Steve to just stay at the house with him the entire time Susan was gone as if they were playing house. As if, like Billy, he had forgotten that it had just been a deal to keep Max and Billy safe. That now that they were half a continent away, Steve had no reason to continue to subject himself to Neil. Steve had frozen in shock at the realization and Neil mistook that for permission to kiss him and grabbed him tightly around his arms, it would have left bruises, had there not already been some forming from their earlier activities.  

Steve had quickly pulled away from him and almost ran to the car parked down the street.  He decided he’d never see or speak to Neil again. They could just pretend it never happened.  There was no need to discuss it. It’s not like Neil was ever interested in what Steve did when they weren’t together and sometimes he seemed annoyed when they were so he just assumed Neil would get over it.  The idea that Neil wanted Steve to stay for days (like Krychek did) had freaked him out. He had never thought of any scenario where Neil Hargrove wanted anything more than the occasional fuckboy. Yeah...sometimes Steve really was stupid.  He was sure Hopper would have whacked him upside the head had he known.

When Neil had called on Tuesday, Steve had ignored him.  When he called on Wednesday, Steve ignored him. He had never ignored Neil before.  When he finally cornered Steve on Thursday by his car in town, Neil was pissed. But they were in public so Neil couldn’t do much when Steve said, “Don’t call again.  We’re done. And if I ever hear of you hurting Max or Billy or anyone again, I will call the police.”

 

_ **** _

_ Flashback _

_ “So that’s it, huh?  You’re just never going to see me again?” Neil asked in harsh tone, gripping Steve’s left arm.    _

_ Steve looked down at the hand holding him and back up at Neil.  “Let go,” Steve said quietly. He was wearing long sleeves, even though it was warm, as Neil’s fingerprints were still there from Monday. It was like Neil knew exactly where they were and the grip got tighter.  Steve winced. _

_ “You’re going to forget everything we have?” Neil asked _

_ “We have NOTHING,” Steve hissed and tried to pry Neil’s hand off his arm.  “We HAD an agreement. We don’t now. Contract complete.” Steve repeated his Dad’s favorite phrase whenever Steve tried to push an agreement between them a little further than the original terms.  _

_ Neil actually looked shocked and then fixed his face firmly.  “OK, fine. We can make a new deal. Susan’s coming back this week.  And now we’ll be alone all the time. Who knows what could happen?” His voice was small, tight and threatening. _

_ “You’re a shit.  First of all, I don’t actually care about what happens to your useless bitch of a wife.  She’s an adult and could have gotten her daughter away from you so I blame her for not stepping in. Secondly, if anything does happen to her, I will certainly go to Chief Hopper and tell him I heard you threatening her.  So let go of me now.” Steve was pissed. He could feel his face flushing in anger.  _

_ “Chief Hopper, huh.  First name basis? You screwing him, too, you little slut?  I’ll bet he takes a firm hand to you.” Neil stepped into Steve’s space, his breath smelled like whiskey. And he could feel Neil against his thigh, a little too over excited with this conversation.  “A little bitch like you needs that. You know you love it. I’m probably so much better at it. I was certainly better than Billy at taking care of these.” He suddenly gripped Steve’s balls with his free hand and squeezed.  At Steve’s widening eyes, he continued, “Oh yes - don’t think I don’t know exactly why he left town. I’m sure he tried to give you what you need, but he’s just like you. He needs to be someone else’s bitch. Not pretend like he’s a real man.  I’m sure he’s loving San Francisco. But you’re here. You’re not going to find anyone else like me that can give you what you really want. Not even Chief Hopper.” He added a little twist and Steve bit his lip to hide the pain. _

_ Steve was now beyond pissed.  He grabbed Neil’s wrist and pressed his thumb hard into the soft center which actually made Neil release him. How Neil could talk about his son like that was anyone’s guess.  Spitefully, he spit out, “I’d marry Billy before I’d ever spend one more night with you. He’s twice the man you’ll ever be.” _

_ Neil slapped him.  The sound rang out and Steve noticed a couple of people looking their way. _

_ “Careful, Neil,” Steve spat.  He looked around purposefully and touched his face where stung.  “Your perfect reputation is about to go down the drain if anyone sees that hard-on your sporting while you’re standing here with me.” _

_ Neil looked around and realized there were some curious looks their way so he stepped away from Steve and threw his hands up in the air as if surrendering. “Fine. It’s over. You’re not that good of a fuck anyways. I’m sure I can find someone else. Plenty of bitches in the sea,” he said and stalked away. _

_ Steve almost laughed at the full circle he’d come with the Hargrove men.  He ignored the shaking in his legs and the ache in his balls. He gave a half-hearted smile to Joyce Byers Hopper as she poked her head out of Melvald’s, looking concerned at Steve. _

 

_ End Flashback _

 

Maybe he should have mentioned something then.  Maybe he should have realized that Neil would never give up that easily.  Maybe Hopper should hit Steve upside the head. 

Steve was brought back to the present as Dustin was continuing his monologue per his usual behavior. Dustin was such a good talker he sometimes never even needed anyone to respond.  At times, it was overwhelming, but now he was happy that Dustin hadn’t even realized he drifted away for a minute. Steve concentrated on focusing on the here and now.

“Mike and Jane are arguing a bit. Mike is being...well Mike.” Dustin frowned as if he was remembering something Mike had said that didn’t sit well with Dustin.

“A judgemental little shit?” Steve almost laughed.  Of all of them, Mike was the one most likely to decide Steve wasn’t worth it.  He’d never quite gotten passed the stage of thinking of Steve as his sister’s douchey ex-boyfriend or the stupid jock that tried to keep him from saving Jane (or El as the party called her).  He had reluctantly let Steve into their game nights when they still had them. Steve had tried to make peace with the fact that Mike wasn’t never really going to like him. Mike tolerated Steve because the other liked him. 

“He’ll get over it,” Dustin said.  “He’s mostly just pissed that El got so mad at him and said she wouldn’t talk to him until he grew up.”  

“Ah...well that could be awhile.” Mike was incredibly smart but hot-headed.

“You know he’s just jealous of you, right?” Dustin asked.  He took a bite into the soft cookie.

“What?  Why?” Steve couldn’t imagine anything Mike Wheeler would be jealous of Steve for.  Outside of a heated pool, Mike had most everything he wanted: friends, a nice house,  intelligence, a family, who while not perfect, was physically present and seemed somewhat interested in him and a girlfriend who thought the world of him.  Steve dipped his cookie into the milk while he considered that he should be jealous of Mike, not the other way around.

“Jane...well, she used to have a small crush on you back then.  The way you stepped in and saved us, including Mike.”

“I, uh, thought she and Mike always were together?  She didn’t even really know me.” This was making Steve a little uncomfortable.  He and Jane were closer just from proximity and Steve’s presence in the party over the years but they weren’t close like he and Dustin were. There were still things about her he knew he didn’t know.  Some of that was his own fault. Since she was Hopper’s kid, Steve felt a little awkward around both of them. And it only got worse once they became the Byers-Hopper family so he had kept his distance as much as socially allowable.

“That was probably part of it.  Yeah, of course they were together, but you were more like a movie star crush I think.  She had never really known anyone outside the lab until us and they were all like full adults who treated her badly.  We were just kids that befriended her that but you, Nancy and Jonathan were somewhere between; like an adult but not quite. She was a little intrigued by all of you but you in particular.  Maybe because were were sweet to her and protected her friends without any reason to. She also loved your hair.”

Steve snorted.  “She still does.”  

Dustin rolled his eyes.  “Yeah, she never pets my hair - Farrah Fawcett hairspray or not! And I guess, after everything, you were the one semi-adult that hung around us.  You drove her to see Mike, you watched us when you didn’t have to, you introduced her to real waffles. It wasn’t anything bad. It was just a little adolescent hero worship crush.”

“Like you, then,” Steve teased.

Dustin looked almost offended, but then laughed.  “OK, like me, then without the crush part, until we all got to know you and realized what a dork you were.” Dustin grinned cheekily at him.

“I still don’t know why he’d be jealous, then,” Steve said, relieved to hear that it was just an innocent thing.  Being looked up to in general made him feel a little weirded out, like he was still pretending to be something he’s not.  He was no hero. He’d just had a few moments where he acted selflessly in the heat of the moment and they worked out. If they hadn’t, no one would have called him a hero.  

Dustin stretched and put his feet on the coffee table, ignoring Steve’s glare.  “You may not know she watched a lot of soap operas the year she was stuck at the cabin and that is the wrong place to learn about any kind of romance.  And you know they kissed at the Snow Ball.” Dustin stated, as if those two things made any sense at all in this conversation.

Steve had no idea where this was going.  It must have shown on his face when he nodded for Dustin to continue.

“Well, don’t tell any of them I ever told you this but apparently she thought the kiss was going to be more like what she saw in those tv shows.  When she said something to Mike about it, he yelled, “Well, we all can’t be the great kisser Steve Harrington is the first time out!”

“What the hell?” Steve muttered. How exactly would Mike know that?

Dustin snickered. “I guess he overheard Nancy giggling on the phone with Barb about what a great kisser you were when you were first dating.”

“Still…” Steve flushed, remarkably embarrassed.

“If that was all it had been, it would have probably been fine but she got it in her mind to see why Nancy thought you were a great kisser.”

“Oh, well...I’m not sure she…”

“So she asked Nancy - in front of Mike, who was absolutely mortified. I can remember him sputtering out, “Can you believe it?  In front of my sister?!” 

“I can’t believe he told you about it,” Steve said, trying not to look at him.

“Well, I AM cool to talk to, you know,” Dustin replied as if he was offended that Steve thought Mike wouldn’t have told him but then he admitted,  “Actually, he had blurted it out when I asked why he wasn’t talking to her. She had called me on the walkie talkie to find him and ask. He was hiding in his garage and drinking beer.  He apparently was so mortified that he stole some of his Dad’s Budweisers and we split them. That was the first time we ever drank beer so I think the alcohol made him chatty.”

“Seems like it did.  Jesus, you were what 13 or 14? Even I was 15 before I had my first beer.” Steve was shaking his head. He knew most of the party had tried alcohol at some point, but never under his watch.  Might be hypocritical of him since he drank early on, but he didn’t tolerate it from the kids.

“Anyways, I guess when they got back together, Jane kissed him and it was really different. When he asked her about it, she said she’d been doing research. She was trying to learn what being a couple actually meant. Nancy hadn’t really given her the answers she was looking for verbally so Jane admitted she slid into her mind and looked at her memories and what not.  Guess she learned how to kiss from seeing Nancy’s memories of you kissing her.”

Steve froze.  What - WHAT!? How could he not know about this?  He knew she could move stuff with her mind but he never heard anything about reading minds.  All that time. Christ, he hoped she never looked into his. It would have messed her up for life,  “She can read minds?! How did I not know this?”

Dustin paled.  “Uh - I shouldn’t have said that.  Crap. She doesn’t really do that now.  Hopper found out about it and told her it was wrong and intrusive.  She apologized to us and said she rarely did it anyways except in emergencies or in cases when she couldn’t understand a concept.  Imagine my embarrassment when she pointed out she liked when I pretended to be a rock star in my basement. Hopper asked us not speak about  that ability - even to others in the party. Max and Lucas never knew either. I only knew since Mike told me. Her telekinetic powers put her in enough danger as it was.  I probably shouldn’t have said anything.” Dustin bit his lip.

Steve understood and there was reason to be concerned.  Even after all these years, they would find occasional bugs in their homes. Fortunately, Steve had just checked a few days before - but only found the one in the living room near the phone that he left there.  He found when he removed them, they were only replaced in new areas so he tended to leave them if they were somewhere not too intrusive. He assumed no one was listening 24/7 anyways. It was more the threat of being overheard that kept people from talking.  At this point, the kitchen was safe. He wanted to lighten the conversation a little.

“I won’t say anything and the rock star thing isn’t embarrassing.  We’ve all done that. Certainly not more embarrassing than knowing she’s seen Nancy and I...or for that matter Jonathan and her...doing stuff if she had looked.”

“Oh, she said she never saw you guys naked or anything.  She just wanted to know how to kiss and left the memory before anything else happened.”

“OK.  I guess that’s a little reassuring but why would she even explain that to you?”

Dustin shifted in his seat nervously. “Uh because someone asked?”  He looked like he really didn’t want to continue the conversation anymore and took a large bite of his cookie.

“Someone asked what, exactly?” Steve asked, suspicious.

Dustin guzzled the last of his milk to seemingly buy time. He quickly walked to the sink with the empty glass and muttered so softly he could barely be heard. “If your, ah, thing was as big as it looked.”  

“Oh my god,” Steve slumped back in the chair.  He couldn’t take this discussion much longer. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

“It wasn’t me!  I swear, I didn’t ask!” Dustin protested, his arms waving around like a maniac.

“I don’t even want to know who it was,” Steve said.  “I’m going to pretend this entire discussion is just a freaky dream brought on by side effects of my medicine.”  He took his dishes to the sink. He’d load the dishwasher later.

“That’s a good idea,” Dustin agreed.  “Let’s go watch the rest of Dave Letterman and forget the whole thing.”  He went back out to the couch and sat down. 

Steve turned the tv on and sat on the other end, pulling a blanket over his knees. 

Dustin then giggled,  “Although, if it makes you feel better, Nancy thought you were a better kisser than Jonathan.”  That wasn’t true. Jonathan was an excellent kisser - just not with Nancy. And not just because Jonathan liked boys better, but because Nancy had been his first kiss. No one’s first kiss is great. 

It occurred to him that since he had been Nancy’s first kiss and taught her, and Nancy had been Jonathan’s first kiss and taught him, that in some way Steve had actually taught Jonathan how to kiss.   And since Steve thought Jonathan was an excellent kisser - well then he guessed he himself wasn’t too bad. Although, remembering Jonathan’s lips fondly, he was sure the student had surpassed the master.  Not that Steve was going to tell Dustin that. Instead, Steve hit him with a throw pillow. 

As they watched Letterman end and Dustin found a late night movie to turn on, Steve’s thoughts kept drifting back to Jane.  Some puzzle pieces were coming together. He wondered how Hopper knew he’d been in trouble. With everything going on, he hadn’t thought to ask.  He assumed Hopper happened to be driving by and saw or heard something or saw Neil’s car in the driveway and got curious, or that one of the neighbor’s called it in.  It had seemed remarkably timely.

At some point he drifted back to sleep.  Dustin must have gotten him awake enough to get him up to bed in his parents room because that’s where he was by sunrise when the alarm went off at 6:00 am.  Steve checked in the guest room, and sure enough Dustin was sound asleep in there. The door to his room was still shut. At some point, Steve would have to clean it up.  

Steve went back into the master to use their shower.  He hoped some of his dad’s clothes would fit. He didn’t want to go into his room for any reason.

But when he stepped out, there was a full set of clothes including underwear, socks and shoes sitting on the bed.  Dustin must have gone in to get it.

He sat down on the bed and sobbed, grateful that Dustin still loved him and he was in Steve’s life.

It was occurring to him that for all the time he spent feeling alone in the house, feeling unloved by his parents, reaching out to take whatever some people might give him, he had more than he ever realized, more than many people had.  He should be grateful for that.

\---

 

Dustin left early in the afternoon for a shift at the video store where he worked.  He had offered to come by afterwards but Steve said not to worry since he’d see him on Monday. 

He napped for a bit before getting lunch and watching a movie.  The doorbell rang just as Ferris Bueller was saying, “You’re not dying.  You just can’t think of anything good to do.” Steve wondered if he was more Ferris or more Cameron but he felt like a fused version of the worst traits of both of them.

He got up to answer and was surprised to see Hopper standing there holding a box of frozen waffles with a bow.  “From Jane.”

“Uh, thanks?” Steve took it and saw there was a card from her.

“So, how are you doing?” Hopper asked, fidgeting a little.

“Ok.  You want to come in?” Steve asked, not knowing what else to say.

“No, I can’t stay long. But...just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Steve breathed a sigh of relief.  He didn’t really want to have a heart-to-heart with him now.  “Thanks. I am. Dustin’s been taking care of me,” Steve replied. “He just left a little while ago.”

“Good, good.  Take it your parents aren’t here?”

“No.  Travelling.”

Hopper nodded as if he expected that.  “Good to hear the kid got you then,” he said.

“Yeah.”

Hopper glanced at Steve and looked away towards his car.  “You wanna report that?”

“No.  Didn’t see who did it.  I’ll take care of it tomorrow.”

They stood there awkwardly for a few moments until they both started.

“Well, thanks for stopping by…”

“I’m sorry.  We really should talk…”

Both sputtered out.  “Hop, I really do appreciate you stopping by.  I’m ok. Just need to rest. My pills are kicking in,” he lied but he figured it would get the Chief moving.  He had other citizens of Hawkins he need to care for.

“Oh..ok then.  Well, we’ll do it another time,” Hopper replied.  Steve could see the tension released from his shoulders knowing he wasn’t going to have to say whatever he was going to say now.  Instead, Hopper just said, “Rest up, then. Joyce and Will also send get well wishes.”

Steve relaxed after closing the door.  He smiled at the box of Eggos with the bow before taking the card off and shoving them in the freezer.  He opened the card which was your typical get well ‘cutsey’ card with dachshund dressed up like a doctor saying, “I hope you’re better doggone soon!”

Steve agreed. It was time to suck it up and move forward. Tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairings in this chapter:
> 
> Steve/Neil - confrontation flashback (not the 'assault')
> 
> Other warnings - brief panic attack, slut-shaming vandalism, nonconsensual voyeurism in that Jane can read minds and looks into Nancy's to see why Steve is a great kisser.
> 
> Oh - the party member that asked about Steve's - ahem - member? Max. That was all Max because I could see her doing that. Not in a sexual way. Just in a nosy and has to know everything way.


	7. Rumor Has It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Dustin and Steve and Steve contemplating what's next. Plus an unexpected run-in at the store and Steve's parents make an appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairings/Warnings in end notes.
> 
> This chapter is very short. Consider this a kind of interlude/intermission.

**Chapter 7 - Rumor Has It**

 

Resolutions like that are easy to make in the moment, but they are hard to stick to at times.  Monday had been going okay. Steve had decided to take the day off after all to get his car repainted and to get his room cleared up.  His boss had been remarkably understanding. She hadn’t heard anything but he was honest about some of the kinds of stuff she might hear. She laughed it off and just told him to feel better and they’d discuss things later.  He’d fixed breakfast for Dustin and him before starting the day. He had been feeling somewhat better.

He was all nerves at MAACO, but Dustin had been beside him so the clerk hadn’t said anything about the graffiti on the car except to tell them what paint packages were available, the confirmation of color and ‘was Steve sure he didn’t want to file an insurance claim?’.  Steve didn’t want to do that. He knew the premium would go up and he wanted to keep his expenses down. He had decided it was time to move out even if his parents weren’t already going to force him out. He was 23 already. But he still had his dad’s credit card so he was going to take advantage one last time before it got cut off. Not probably the most moral thing to do, but his dad owed him for a lot of shit.

He dropped Dustin off after reassuring him that he would be ok to do the clean-up work at home himself.  He had felt the need to do it as though it might be cathartic. That was a good word. He learned that one a couple of years ago from Jane during a tutoring session when she was struggling with algebra.  Math was a subject he’d always been good at but it gave her headaches. They had started snapping at each other until she accidentally hit him with a flying toaster out of frustration. He had suggested they take a break and destroy things at the junkyard since both of them were stressed out and having nightmares.  She had said it was cathartic. Steve liked it. He was always trying to find things that were. It helped him feel a bit more in control of his life.

He thought he might need some cleaning supplies and then also remembered he needed some groceries.  He didn’t want to stop at the Big Buy but he was low on some necessities. He knew some rumors must have gone around based on some of the unfriendly glares he was getting but but he held his head high and didn’t respond as he wandered the aisles and filled the cart.

He had just turned to put some paper towels in the cart when he felt the slap and then heard a high-pitched voice screaming, “How dare you!  HOW DARE YOU! YOU SON OF A BITCH! MY HUSBAND is in JAIL!” Huh, guess Susan Hargrove is back from her trip. The screaming continued as a flurry of small, feminine hands beat against his chest while almost incoherently sobbing. Instinctively, he wrapped an arm around her and she sobbed against him as if she forgot he was the enemy.  She muttered repeatedly, “You ruined us. How could you?” As if finally remembering where she was, she stepped back and shrieked again, “YOU RUINED US!” He didn’t stop her from hitting him again. Finally, security pulled her away from him, while Mrs. Kinney and Mrs. Avers comforted her and glared at him. He just stood there, frozen.  No one apologized to him. The manager, Mr. Huebell, came over and politely, and in no uncertain terms, asked him to leave and maybe try shopping over in the next town for awhile. 

Steve watched as she was led away and wondered if he should feel bad for her or not. On one hand, she knew what Neil was. She had to. She was married to him and lived with him.  She didn’t seem stupid so it must be that she just ignored how Neil treated his son and her daughter. Granted, it had improved (thanks to Steve himself, ungrateful bitch he thought uncharitably even if she wasn’t aware of that) but Neil was never a warm, loving father to either of them. He had just stopped leaving physical bruises. Steve couldn’t imagine he was any nicer to her. She must have known his temper and did nothing to help. On the other hand, he was aware of how powerless she must have felt as he’d been there. He just didn’t have it in him to be compassionate towards her. He stared at the half-filled cart and nodded at Mr. Huebell with a mild “Sorry about that,” before he walked out, away from the tittering chitters of nosy small town, small-minded neighbors.

Pretty much the day went straight downhill.  The room never got cleaned, he didn’t return calls, he didn’t look for an apartment and he never ate.  He even forgot to pick Dustin up after his shift. Dustin had to call to ask him where the hell he was.  Finally, Steve left the house to get him. Dustin knew there was an issue of some kind as he’d heard a number of things all day long. His video store was in the same shopping strip as the Big Buy.  He asked Steve what happened. Steve gave him the gory details as they drove back towards Steve’s house. 

“Maybe I should leave town,” Steve suggested quietly.  “Maybe…”

"Maybe you should,” Dustin agreed, which broke Steve’s heart.  He never thought he’d hear Dustin trying to get rid of him. 

“Stop thinking so hard man,’ Dustin said.  “I don’t mean that in the way you think. Hawkins is too small for you.  Always has been. I think you deserve more. Maybe - maybe you could move to Boston with me when I go to school?”

Steve stared at him.  “So...what, just up and leave with you?  I think you’d get tired of dragging my ass around when you’re just starting out.”

“It’s not like that.  It would just be a fresh start for you, that’s all.  And you’d know someone there already. Just think about it.  In the meantime, you still need groceries. Let’s go over to Story and stock up.”  

“That’s like 45 minutes away,” Steve said.  It was 5:30.

“Yup, and they won’t know either of us.  We can get dinner first if you want,” Dustin hinted broadly.  

Steve actually laughed.  Next to gaming and science, eating out was one of Dustin’s favorite things to do.  Good thing he had discovered a good workout for himself. Which reminded Steve that he should get back into his running routine. He hadn’t run since Thursday morning and it was now Monday.  It didn’t take long to lose stamina. Maybe tomorrow night, after work. He couldn’t do it in the morning since Dustin and he had to get an early start to get Steve’s car before work. He was distracted from his planning by a loud growl in his stomach.

“Guess you’re hungry too, huh?”  Dustin grinned. “I could go for some chicken parmigiana.” 

It sounded like a good idea.  

\---

By the time they got home, it was almost 10:00 pm but they had treated themselves to a nice dinner and Dustin pulled his “what to stock up on in the event of an apocalypse” list that he kept in his wallet as a reference, foregoing any medical supplies and the hundreds of water bottles that were listed.  Dustin was still a gamer at heart. Steve had to remind him they probably only needed about two weeks worth of food because by then his parents be back and Steve would most likely be out the door and homeless if he didn’t find an apartment. He wasn’t going to waste his money for food his parents would just throw out.

He did stock up on buttered almond ice cream.  It was hard to find and Steve’s favorite. He decided to treat himself so that meant he also needed to buy ice to keep it from melting on the drive home.  Dustin took care of those logistics while stocking up on his own favorites, ice cream sandwiches and creamsicles.

While the day didn’t end better than it started, it was certainly better than what happened in between and he had Dustin to thank for it.  Maybe he should consider going to Boston. Steve wasn’t sure how he would cope if Dustin wasn’t living nearby.

Dustin helped put the groceries away and then they enjoyed their ice cream but then he had to leave for the night.  Steve was unsure what to do with himself. He finally decided to listen to the answering machine that was blinking that there were 10 messages in case it was anything important.  Several panicky calls were from Jonathan, one concerned one from Nancy, two from Tommy wondering where he was because ‘his ass was supposed to be at dinner with them’, one from Hopper checking on him again and reminding him they still needed to talk about pressing charges.  

The last one was the dreaded one from his mother who just said, “Where are you? We need to talk when we get home. You need to straighten up.  Your father wants to discuss your future. Until then…,” but the voice trailed off and he could hear his father in the background screaming about their ‘whore of a son’ and, alternately, that Steve was no son of his. His mother continued after a second of letting his father’s remonstrations, “Don’t do anything else to bring more attention to this. Your father can deal with Mr. Hargrove privately later.  Just...don’t do anything until we get home.” Her voice was curt and cool. 

He guessed that was the answer for Hopper’s questions.  His dad would not want to besmirch the good name of Harrington any further.  He wouldn’t want Steve to press charges, even if Steve was now an adult and his father had no real say in his choice.  Mr. Harrington was sure to work up a private settlement with Mr. Hargrove to just go away quietly and maybe even enough to get him to ‘admit’ he misunderstood Steve and Billy’s relationship and he made up rumors about Steve because he was angry.  

For now, there was only a small blurb in the Hawkins post about an altercation at the Harrington residence that resulted in an arrest and a brief description of injuries.  No motives, gossip or photos included. Just the arrest notice. If it went to trial, there was sure to be more press coverage and possibly some business trades would pick up on the story of the scions’ son sordid history.  Dad’s business partners had always been less than impressed with Steve’s business acumen and less than stellar academic achievements anyways. Two years in the local community college did not a business mogul make according to them.  For now though, being an unsuccessful child, while a bit embarrassing, was tolerable. A sex scandal - particularly a gay sex scandal - would just prove that Steve was a useless heir and unfit for high society.

But rumors eventually disappeared if you couldn’t prove them and everyone stayed silent.  It would work in Neil’s interest as well. If they could spin the story that way, Neil’s inadvertent outing of himself as a misunderstanding as well. That it was a case of plain assault for his own misunderstanding of Billy and Steve’s relationship.  Time would see to it that was the story that would be given credence so long as there was no tangible evidence of the truth. Steve knew all too well how that worked. 

Honestly, his dad may even offer to pay Steve to move out of town to help folks forget him. Without his presence, the gossip would go away.  Dad’s money had a way of buying the truth. Steve hadn’t known about it when he was younger but certainly after his brief and disastrous time working for his father after graduation had shown him that he was not his father’s son.  He’s surprised his parents hadn’t asked him to move out yet but having a free caretaker for the house they seemed unwilling to part with seemed like a good deal for the last couple of years. His dad had probably hoped that given some time to sow his wild seeds or learn how hard a real job was, he’d come back to the family business more mature and give it another shot. That won’t happen now.  Dad’s never actually threaten to disown him before but he’d heard him in the background. That probably was a thing that was going to happen now.

He had called them and left a message with their secretary.  It had taken well over 48 hours for them to return his call. And it was just as bad as he thought.

Steve looked at the clock and decided he’d take half a dose of his pain meds to help him sleep.  While he waited for it to kick in, he returned Tommy’s call, knowing the man would be awake and it would be the least painful of his calls. The rest would have to wait until the next day after work. 

As expected, the call with Tommy was short.  Steve apologized for missing dinner and explained how shitty his day was. As much as a jerk as he was in high school to those he thought were beneath him, Tommy could have surprising moments of empathy and sincerity and a fierce protectiveness with those he cared about.  If he hadn’t, Carol and he would have never lasted. Steve had forgotten what it felt like to be one of Tommy’s chosen. He was touched that Tommy wanted to make an effort but he assured him he’d be ok alone for the night but he’d stop by for dinner another night.

After he hung up, something that had been tight in his chest relaxed.  He’d missed Tommy and Carol’s friendship. For all the negative impact they had on Steve in high school, they had also been there in a positive way for a lot of it.  He never missed the immature and, frankly, cruel way Tommy could be but he definitely had missed the times Tommy had been on his side. Now that they seemed to have grown up a bit, Steve felt an ache in him ease that he had never realized was there.

He slept unexpectedly well that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No specific or new pairings mentioned in this chapter. References to public confrontation and generally unsupportive parents.


	8. Picking Up the Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve finally goes back to work. He also catches up with Nancy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairings and Warnings in end notes.

**Chapter 8 - Picking Up the Pieces**

Tuesday morning was bright out.  It almost hurt his eyes. He smelled coffee brewing downstairs and knew Dustin was there. He’d probably come early since they had to pick Steve’s car up before he went to work and wanted breakfast beforehand.  Steve quickly showered and got dressed before heading downstairs. He’d opted for some loose-fitting black trousers and pale blue dress shirt. He was so happy to work in an office that didn’t require a suit and tie.  

He’d slept well actually and it was the best he’d felt in some time.  Even the bruises weren’t quite as bad. The concealer he used was finally covering them well.  He’d learned to do that over the last few years after one of the Hargroves went a little too hard on him and left fingerprints in visible areas.  He had certainly learned that choking was not one of his kinks. Sometimes they waited a bit too long to respond when he tried to tap out which tended to send his nerves into overdrive.  He suspected that’s why Neil did it. He knew that would freak Steve out.

Dustin had made some eggs and toast for them and Steve poured an extra to-go cup of coffee before they left.  Fortunately, it was a bit too early for much of a conversation. Steve appreciated the companionable silence between them as he geared up for the day.  They picked up Steve’s car and went their separate ways. He wouldn’t see Dustin again until the next night at the earliest as Dustin had a late shift that day. He assumed Dustin was going home to fall asleep again until his shift started.  

Steve had to face the day and slunk into work about an hour late. He was grateful though that no one was around. Hide in his cramped office behind a closed door and just go through numbers. It was mind numbingly beautiful to him to be able to lose himself in busywork. He almost felt like himself again. At 11:00, his boss finally snuck her head in to check on him.  

“How are you feeling?” Amanda asked, walking into his office.  She leaned against his desk, eyeing his face carefully. She was in her mid-thirties, already divorced and often filled with brusque vinegar and piss, but she had a soft spot for Steve and could be amazingly charming with clients.  

He leaned back in his squeaky desk chair and tried to smile.  “Fine, I guess.”

She nodded, her short brunette bob swaying with the motion.  It reminded him of Nancy. “Well, of course some rumors have gone around but I told everyone yesterday to not bother you and that people’s personal lives are not company business.  If anyone hassles you, you let me know.”

Steve was stunned.  He knew privately she would support him but didn’t think she’d warn anyone else away.  There were only 13 people in the company, most of them in sales and on the road so he rarely saw anyone outside of staff meetings except Frank from payroll or Patricia the receptionist - who were too busy having an affair to give a crap what Steve did.  

She lifted Steve’s chin and looked closer at his face.  “You need to use a light peach concealer first before you use a regular concealer.  Get one a little darker too. From a distance, this works but up close, you can still see the bruising.”  She touched the fingerprints on his neck. “Hmnnn….were your hands free? You don’t have to give me all the details but just tell me that.  Cause I’ll bet you were just trying to pull his hands off your neck, right?”

Steve was unnerved by the direction this was going but nodded.

“If it ever happens again, use your thumbs on his eyes and don’t be gentle.  He can’t hurt you if he’s blind. Or, if you’re too squeamish for that, shove your palm hard up into his nose if you can get leverage.  Not straight on, but upwards. Might kill him but I guarantee one way or the other, he’ll let go.” Her voice was calm but determined. He could see she was angry on his behalf.  He was grateful for her concern. She only knew part of the story. He had told her about the assault but not the attempted rape when he had called off the previous day.

“That sounds like something from a movie,” Steve said, hesitantly.

“You ever see a picture of my father?” she asked.

“Uh..no,” Steve replied.  She never spoke of her family much although he had the sense it had not been happy.  During her divorce, she had joked she married too young and jumped from one disaster straight into the next and both involved alcohol.

“That’s because he doesn’t like showing his eyepatch,” she patted his face serenely and Steve was now a little afraid of her.  She always seemed tough except when they played. Her hand drifted lower to his shoulder and down his arm flirtatiously. “Now is there anything else you’d like to check a little more closely?  Doctor Amanda is here to make you all better.”

“Would you be mad if I said no?” Steve asked, actually wondering if there would be repercussions.  He felt sick at the thought of having sex at the moment. He hadn’t even realized he’d shied away from her and hunched in on himself until she recoiled back.  He realized that since he hadn’t said anything about a sexual assault, she would have no reason to suspect he was not interested.

She stood up and stepped away from him and stayed silent for a few moments before declaring, “Steve, you can always say no.”

“I never have.  Up to last week that is,” he whispered and he felt like curling up on himself and waiting for her condemnation.

She bit her lip.  “The rumors are true?  All of them? Even the librarian?”

He forced himself to relax and look at her, trying to find his equilibrium. “Well, I haven’t heard all of them - but yeah I guess a lot of them are.  I do sleep around a lot. And yes the librarian - but just once! She was complaining about Dustin’s missing books and fines again and I was just trying to distract her.”  He wondered if it was obvious he was trying to change the tone of the conversation.

She followed his change easily.  “You slept with the librarian over late fees?” Amanda laughed so hard she started crying.  It wasn’t exactly like that but he guessed it could be seen that way so he joined her in laughter.  It was an odd sense of relief to be able to laugh about it. To remind himself that sometimes it had just been fun.  The evening with Marissa had just started by a conversation about Dustin’s fees and that led to a discussion about books in general.  He wasn’t a big reader but he did read for enjoyment at time. He asked for some suggestions for books he might like and they ended up talking long after Dustin had left after running into Max and Lucas.  Dustin had ditched Steve at the library so he hung around chatting with Marissa until the library closed. She then took him to the back to show him some suggested reading materials but they never quite got to the books until he was leaving two hours later.  He did, however, pay Dustin’s fines and promised to have him return the books that were still outstanding. And he really did enjoy the Tom Clancy novel she suggested.

When Amanda finally regained her composure, she knelt down beside him with a sudden clarity and soberness in her manner.  “Oh, Jesus Steve. I hope I never made you feel like you had to do anything you didn’t want. I always thought it was something we both enjoyed.”

He looked horrified at her guilt-ridden face. He realized she had picked up on the fact that it hadn’t just been some normal assault.  That there was more to the story. She had always been sharp. “NO! No - I mean Amanda you’ve been great. I love working here.”

She raised her eyebrow in disbelief.  

“Ok, love may be too strong a word, but I like it here.  You’ve been good me and I’ve really enjoyed our time together.”  He felt like he needed to reassure her. “Like, I really loved that time you wanted to pretend like we were trapped in the closet.  And the times on your desk with the “bad employee” reprimand. Oh - when we swapped panties for the day before meeting with the Engles company.”

“But if I asked you honestly if you wanted to do that now, would you?”

“Uh, sure.  If you want to?” Steve was less than enthusiastic.  But he knew he would. If she wanted to and he realized that was maybe the point.

“I thought so.  So, we’re not doing this anymore.  I’m so, so sorry I never picked up on that.  I feel horrible. We just had so much fun that I never thought you were just saying yes because you felt you couldn’t say no.”  She had paled and seemed sickened by the thought.

Steve took her hand.  “Please don’t. I mean it.  I never felt coerced or anything.  I really enjoy sex with you. But, I...yeah, not now, ok? Not...for awhile I think.”  

“It wasn’t just an assault, was it?”  When Steve didn’t shook his head, she continued.  “I’m so sorry. I never thought...I mean you don’t usually hear of guys being the victims of things like that.”

Steve almost wanted to cry.  Was he weak that he was? Was there something inherently wrong with him?  

She must have realized how that sounded because Amanda knelt down and looked up at him.  “It’s not your fault. I didn’t mean it to sound that way. I know some people who’ve been through that and they all think it’s their fault somehow.  I’ve been lucky I never had to go through anything like that.”

Steve looked up, eyes a little watery and asked, “Your dad?”

“Beat me - yes?  Was a violent alcoholic who often didn’t know when to stop?  Yes. But he never did that to me. I’m probably not the best person to give advice but I know you didn’t deserve that.  And I am so, so sorry if anything we ever did together - or that I did made you feel like you had no choice, well that almost makes me no better, does it?”

Steve felt awful that he seemed to be making her feel that way.  “Please - No. Amanda, it’s nothing like that. I...really had fun with you.  With most of them and I know what people will say about that, that I deserve…”

“Fuck people!”  Amanda blinked. “Wait - no don’t fuck people...well this is coming out all wrong.” She stood up and Steve actually almost laughed to see her trying to not say the wrong thing.  “I mean - don’t give a crap about what they say. The people that love you know who you are and will still be there for you.”

“What if they don’t?” he asked in a small voice.

"Then you deserve better people.  But you need to take some time to get over this now that I have a better understanding of what happened.  I may not know everything, and if you want to tell me I’ll listen, but I think you need to sort through some things with yourself.”

“So, it’s really ok if we don’t...do anything even if I wanted to?” Steve asked hesitantly.

“I think it’s a good idea if we don’t.  Not that I don’t want you. Lord knows you have some talent and you are about the nicest guy I know but it’s not fair to you. I think maybe you need some help, Steve.  Sorry to say our insurance sucks so it won’t cover anything like therapy I can see if I can find any recommendations for you. You’re a good man, Steve. You deserve to be happy.  I don’t think what we do - what you’ve been doing - is making you happy because if you can’t say no when you need to, you never really understand what yes means.” Even from several feet away, he could see the care and concern in her eyes.  

“Uh, ok.  I guess I understand where you’re coming from.  Not sure what to do about any of it yet though. Or about anything really.  Pretty sure I’m getting kicked out of the house. I know I’m not welcome at the Big Buy anymore and probably the guy that did this won’t see any time.”  He took a deep breath and added, “One of my friends has asked me to move to Boston. It’s too much up here.” He pointed to his head. “I don’t even know where to start.”  He leaned back in his chair and pressed his hands to his eyes.

In a clear voice, Amanda said, “First, get out of here.  I get that this might seem like stability and comforting to you but you’ve rushed back here. It’s a beautiful day.  Go to the park. Buy a hot dog, watch the ducks and enjoy the fresh air a little. Then talk to a friend, maybe take a short trip somewhere and think about what you want your life to look like a year from now. Or five years from now. Why don’t you take the rest of the week off.  I’ll pay you. It’s the least I can do.”

If it had been anyone else, Steve would have thought that she was paying him off to relieve her own guilt or inconvenience.  Amanda though wasn’t the dick boss his father was. She probably really wanted to help him. “Sounds good, I guess. Do you mind if I make a long distance call to a friend before I go?”

Amanda smiled.  “Sure, Steve. See you next Monday.”  She closed his door to leave him in private.  

\----

 

Steve looked through his rolodex and dialed.  She wouldn’t be expecting it at work but he hoped that would limit the amount and kind of conversation they would have.

“Hello, Nancy Wheeler speaking,” her thin voice sounded tinny through the line, the bustle of the newsroom behind her.

“Hey Nance, how’s the internship going?”

“STEVE?!  Where have you been?  I’ve been worried sick!  Jonathan’s been out of his mind.”

“Wow, it must be serious if you and Jonathan are talking to each other about me,” he joked.

“Don’t do that.  Don’t make light of it.  We’re really worried. Both of us,” Nancy voice wavered with emotion.  “Just tell me you’re ok.”

“I’m ok, really.  Physically I mean.  I’m guessing mentally I might be a little fucked up,” he admitted honestly.  May as well, Nancy knew how to dig out a painful truth which is why Steve avoided her at times.  

“I won’t deny that,” Nancy said, tone pointed and sharp.  

“So, how did you hear about it?”  Steve asked, trying to figure out which story she heard.  If it had been Mike, it probably wouldn’t be good.

“Jonathan called looking for you.  I mean, he was hoping I had heard from you.  Said you haven’t been answering the phone. He told me what happened and why he was worried you weren’t answering.  I had to call Mike to get Dustin’s number because I knew if anyone knew where you were, it would be him.

“Oh, Dustin didn’t mention you called,” Steve said, stupidly not knowing how to answer and feeling guilty for leaving Jonathan hanging like that.  Sometimes he really felt like the most selfish prick in the world.

“I didn’t get to talk to Dustin but I did speak with his mother.  Dustin had kept her up to date with what you two were doing so we at least knew you were still alive.”

“She made me oatmeal raisin cookies.  They were good,” Steve added, still feeling a little lost.

“Leave it to you to focus on the important things.  There are easier ways to get cookies, Steve,” she half-heartedly laughed.  Her voice got quiet. “I really am worried. I had no idea you and Jonathan had been seeing each other.  Why wouldn’t you tell me?” She sounded hurt.

“It’s not like we’re dating, Nancy.  You liked to keep what was between us, ‘between us’. I thought Jonathan also wanted it that way.”

“You’re an idiot, Steve Harrington.”  It was almost like a ritual for her to say it once during any conversation although she usually just said it as a private joke.  She might be serious this time. “Are you sure he wants it that way? He certainly seemed pretty happy to tell me all about you two.  It was also obvious he had no idea about us seeing each other over the years,” she said.

Steve’s heart sank. He wondered if Jonathan would be pissed if he learned about her.  He knew about Billy and knew about the others even if no specific names had been mentioned but would Nancy be a sore spot for Jonathan?

“I didn’t tell him.  I will if you want me to,” she said hesitantly and softly, as if she didn’t want to be overheard by her co-workers.

“No, I’ll tell him, I promise.  I mean, he knows about the others.  Most of them. Haven’t given him a list or anything but I don’t think he’ll be surprised.”

“Jesus, Steve.  How many have there been?”  There was a long silence when Steve didn’t answer.  He didn’t want to keep having this same conversation with everyone.  “No wait - nevermind. It doesn’t matter. Just tell me you were safe.”

He was happy though that Nancy decided not to press him on the numbers.  It made him feel better when she said she didn’t care - like somehow he was right that the number of people weren’t the problem. “Nancy, I promise I was careful and used all the right protections and have been tested.  You’ll be ok.”

“Glad to know that but that’s not what I mean.  Billy Hargrove? Really? And his dad? Not to mention some of the other names.  I don’t know what’s gotten in your head.”

“Jonathan told you about Billy, huh?”

“Yeah.  He told me a lot of stuff.  I mean - I’m glad everyone stayed safe but you didn’t have sell yourself for that to happen.  We could have helped you. You didn’t need to be everyone’s slut to keep them happy or safe or whatever,” she said, almost whispering.

That pissed Steve off.  “Just your slut, right? I just needed to be your slut.  Wasn’t that one of the things you used to like to call me.  Even if you didn’t want me all the time, you wanted me to be your slut whenever you called, do whatever new things you had learned about in New York.?”

“Oh, Steve.  Did I...I mean I know we played...and I liked saying those words. But I thought you did, too.  It felt a little empowering to me be able speak so freely but I never meant it to insult you or to use you.  I thought our list covered that?”

He shook his head.  He was being unfair.  Nancy, being the studious woman she was, had always researched everything before trying it. She made lists and asked Steve to review them and get feedback before they tried anything new. She taught him about safe words and warning colors and tapping out when he couldn’t use words.  She wanted him to always be okay with everything they did. And he was. He always was. Because he couldn’t say no easily, and in particular to her. But she asked to do few things he didn’t in some way find enjoyable.

“I’m sorry, Nance.  It really wasn’t you.  I...just wanted to be with you and if you wanted to do anything, I wanted to do them to make you happy.  And honestly most of it I really liked.”

“What didn’t you like...no wait.  I can’t really talk about that here, but I do want to talk about it.  In person. Jonathan said you might come to New York? Could we - maybe all of us sit down and talk?”

“Yeah - I think that would be good to talk about things.  Do you really still want to see me?” Steve asked, hating the neediness that crept out of his voice. Afraid of the answer even if she had just said she wanted to see him.

“Yes, Steve.  I still care about you a lot.  I really want to see you even if we don’t do anything anymore.  You’re still my friend. And I love you - even if you can be really bone-headed sometimes.”

“Thanks, Nancy.  I think I needed to hear that,” Steve replied.  He didn’t mean the ‘bone-headed’ part.

“Yeah, you did.  I gotta go. Let me know when you’re coming up but if I were you I’d start packing for a long stay.  We’re not letting you go until we have this straightened out.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Steve answered.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” she said is a slightly teasing voice.

He rolled his eyes, “Yes, Mistress,” he answered crisply.

She giggled as she hung up.  He laughed as well. As much as Nancy liked being the boss, she always laughed when he called her Mistress.  She couldn’t take it seriously. She’d come a long way from the shy girl who bravely, but coyly, removed her shirt for Steve in high school to lose her virginity on a night destined to change all of their lives.  

 ----

 

He decided not to tell Nancy about her mother though.  As open as Nancy was, knowing that might be the last straw and Steve didn’t think he could live without her at this point.

Besides, he was instrumental in getting Karen and Ted to marriage counseling and ultimately saving their marriage.  If Ted hadn’t come home early that day and Karen hadn’t convinced him that he had in fact told her he was coming home early which was why she was in a little negligee in the middle of the afternoon waiting for him because they needed to spice up their marriage with some afternoon delight, they probably would have drifted apart until they divorced.

Steve had been grateful, too.  She hadn’t been the first wife or mother he slept with, but it was one he didn’t liked it much. Nothing to do with Karen herself.  She was lovely and enthusiastic - but the baggage that came with her left him feeling awkward and icky. He enjoyed making her feel better about herself, particularly after Billy had supposedly worked her up, but hadn’t sealed the deal.  Steve had the unfortunate timing to arrive then.

Then she kept calling and asking for some small favor here and there and well, he still had that continuing issue with not being able to say no.  Maybe because it had been after Joyce and Hopper had stopped calling and he was feeling pretty shitty about himself in general. When she plied him with compliments and eagerly pulled him to her bed, he went.  Nothing too crazy. Mostly she just wanted to feel pretty and young and sexy because Ted ignored her.

But when Ted had almost caught them and he had to wait it out in their closet (ugh...that visual was just a no), she told him they’d have to stop.  Ted had gone to get a drink, or whatever he did post-sex, and she begged Steve to forgive her but she’d have to try to save her marriage and pushed him out her window.

Where Billy had been hiding in the bushes because he had seen Steve welcomed into the house by a nearly naked Karen and he waited and watched. Then he watched Ted come home and Steve escape out the window.  Billy said it was better than any daytime drama he’d ever seen and then threatened to tell Ted if Steve didn’t do a little something for him.

Steve had an epiphany at that moment and understood why Billy hadn’t been able to seal the deal with Mrs. Wheeler.  He had never meant to because he wasn’t actually interested in her - or any other woman. All of Billy’s past behavior had begun to make sense. It occurred to Steve he could get more from Billy if he offered him what he wanted if he agreed to a few stipulations. So Max stayed safe, Lucas stayed safe, Karen and Ted stayed married and Billy was able to live out his fantasies about fucking King Steve in all kinds of ways.  Everyone was happy.

At least everyone that Steve cared about was happy.  That was what was important in the long run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairings in this chapter:
> 
> Steve/Female OC (his boss to let you know if power dynamics are an issue although they do not see it that way. There was no threat of dismissal or retaliation if he didn't go along. She is very supportive of Steve even if they didn't see there could be issues with their relationship.
> 
> Steve/Nancy  
> Steve/Jonathan (mentioned)  
> Steve/Billy (mentioned - discusses when and how the deal was made)  
> Steve/Karen (mentioned)


	9. A Walk in the Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has run-ins with a few people. Two of the three he actually likes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairings.warnings mentioned in end notes.

**Chapter 9 - A Walk in the Park**

The afternoon was really nice.  In late June, it could get too hot, but today was perfect.  Steve had picked up some McDonalds and gone to sit at the park and watch the birds while he ate.  He wanted to avoid running into anyone as much as possible so he sat as far away from the playground area as possible in order to not draw attention to himself.  There were a few benches tucked in nooks in the small woods around the park. A few people walked by with dogs on the meandering paths, but as it was a weekday, it was mostly quiet.  He had finished his Big Mac, fries and coke and was trying to decide what to do with his life. He was annoyed at himself that he had forgotten to get a caramel sundae with nuts. A day like this deserved some kind of ice cream.  

He was paging through the Hawkins Post to look at apartments for rent.  He knew he had to move. In fact, if he was smart, he’d try to do it before they came home.  His parents weren’t scheduled to be home for a while. He doubted they’d come home early just to disown him although they could surprise him.  He was sure both Hopper and Amanda would be willing to be references so that should help. His biggest issue was his own reputation if too many rumors spread too quickly and were too believable.  The bigger apartment complexes probably wouldn’t care but they’d want a 12 month lease. He didn’t think he should tie himself to that, particularly if he decided to move to Boston with Dustin.

A fresh start sounded nice but it he didn’t want to drag Dustin down by tagging along.  He was more grateful than Dustin would ever know for the care and consideration he had shown Steve, but Dustin deserved to go to school without all of Steve’s baggage.  Plus, as fond as they were of each other, could their friendship survive actually being roommates? Steve was a morning person, Dustin was not. Dustin was more of a optimistic talker when things needed to be worked out, Steve tended to quiet broodiness when upset. Steve was a bit of a neat freak - probably from years of his parents insistence that the house sparkle whenever they were home.  Dustin was a slob. His mind was too busy with doing the next thing, he never cleaned up the last. It was fine when Dustin visited and occasionally wrecked the kitchen because it was rare. But those times Steve went to Dustin’s house when Mrs Henderson was away drove him crazy. He couldn’t understand how anyone could create a disaster zone in less than three days to the point Steve always had to help him clean before his mom got home.  Maybe Steve could just live nearby?

What would Steve do with himself there?  Without a job there already, how he would he qualify for rent?  Steve buried his head in his hands. He should have just grown up years ago and moved out.  It was nice that he hadn’t because he had saved a lot of money, even on the slim salary Amanda paid.  And while his father no longer gave him an allowance, he was allowed to use the credit card in an emergency.  At least Steve had gotten his own card a couple of years before after his Dad hit the roof after seeing charges for some of the more expensive clothes he had bought on whim for one of Jonathan’s shoots.  He’d always paid his dad back for personal purchases, but his dad had spent the night berating him for wasting money on clothes when he was just a lowly bookkeeper in a musty old office and never went anywhere nice.  It wasn’t like Steve could tell him about Jonathan. A couple of nice photo shoots with an old school acquaintance were okay but a long term friendship with the town’s freak family? No, his dad would not have been happy about that.  

He was again deep in thought so he never heard the approaching footsteps until he heard a small cough.  He needed to have more situational awareness.

“Steve.”  A young woman’s voice broke through the stillness of the afternoon.  He looked up and Jane was standing there staring at him.

“Jane?  What are doing here?” She had grown up, even if she was still on the slight side.  Her her was now long and wavy, but pulled up into a ponytail. Unlike Max, Jane tended to favor pastel colors and summer dresses now that her punk phase was long gone.

“I wanted to see you.  You weren’t home.” Jane had a stillness about her that was still unnerving to Steve at times.  Outside of tutoring and party activities, he never spent much time with her even if he never actively avoided her. Had he known about her telepathic powers, he was sure he would have avoided her more.  The shit in his head wasn’t good for her to see.

“Okay.  But how did you know I was here?”  He paused when she gave him a look that said, _‘You’re an idiot, Steve Harrington.’_ Really, she’d been around Nancy too much.  She was picking up her facial expressions. “OK - yeah nevermind.  Just - you know I didn’t know you could do...that before.”

“I know.  But you do now.  Dustin told me.” She sat up on the bench next to him.  She handed him a McDonalds caramel sundae to him while she had a strawberry one that was already mostly gone.

They ate in silence for a bit.  

“I owe you a thank you,” Steve finally said.  “I’m not sure what would have happened had Hopper not been there.  I know it must have been you.”

“You’re welcome,” she said as if he were thanking her for opening a door rather than saving his life.

“How...did you know?  I thought Dustin said you weren’t looking without permission anymore?  Or can you not help it?”

“I don’t unless I actively listen to someone near me and mostly with permission but accidents happen. Or I search for it if they are not close, but that takes a lot of energy,” she replied.  He wondered it that explained why she could eat so much and stay so thin, Steve thought, a little enviously.

“Why were you listening?” Steve asked, now thinking back to Dustin’s conversation and wondered how often Jane was still listening.  He wondered if he should mad about it. It was kind of like Jonathan and his slight voyeurism fetish, but worse. And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“I wasn’t.  But you screamed.  Up here,” she pointed to her head.  “I can hear screaming. For some people.”

“Oh…”

“I’m more in tune with people I know and care about.  I have, I guess you could call it an alarm system? For my friends,” Jane said as she finished her sundae and tossed the empty container.  

“Oh…” Steve felt a little repetitive so he took another bite of his ice cream.  

Jane often made him feel at a loss for words.  She often asked questions he felt ill-equipped to answered.  Like the time in ‘85 when she blurted out at the dinner table during game night, “What is masterbation?  And why did Dustin do it last night looking at a magazine?” Dustin had fled the table in embarrassment as everyone howled in laughter.  She had looked to Steve to answer it. He had assumed she overheard some weird conversation.

In order to keep Dustin from feeling completely humiliated, he answered simply that it was just an action done to have an orgasm when you’re alone and then added that _“everyone does it, there’s nothing to be ashamed of.  We just don’t talk about it, okay.”_  Then he pointed at the other boys and said, _“Stop your snickering.  Like we all don’t know about the magazine that went missing from my house two months ago and, oddly enough, ended up in your basement Mike Wheeler!”_  Mike had choked and Lucas had laughed even harder. Steve had just been grateful that Max wasn’t there that night.  It had taken him an hour to convince Dustin to leave the bathroom.

Jane shifted beside him and put a hand gently on his knee. “You’re my friend, Steve,” she stated.

“I’m happy you are.” Steve put his hand over hers and squeezed.  Jane had grown up so much over the last few years yet she still had an odd innocence about her that was appealing.  It was also odd as she was probably the least “innocent” of all of them considering how many people she had killed. But if she hadn’t, Steve thinks he and the party would have to protect her.

She tilted her head studied his face. Steve waited for whatever pearl of wisdom was about to be said. She often didn’t say much but when she did, it was usually important.  

“I don’t think you should go to Boston,” she announced.  “Don’t run away.”

“So, I should stay here?”  Tommy always said he ran. Maybe he did.  Maybe not from monsters, but from other things.

“No.  Here is bad for you.”

He was confused. “Okay, genius.  If I shouldn’t stay here and I shouldn’t go there,” and he was suddenly and forcibly reminded of Jonathan and his love of the Clash. “Where should I go?”

“You’ll know.  But it’s better to run to something than away from something,” she said, cryptically.

“OK.  That’s a little deep for me,” Steve said.  He wasn’t prone to philosophizing.

“Deep?”  She tilted her head at him oddly.  “But you are deep. You think very deeply.  You feel very deeply. Too much sometimes...Maybe you should be more…”

“Shallow?  Some people would say I am,” Steve laughed and looked at the ground.

She faced him and placed a hand on his cheek and made her look at him.  “Why do you do that? Talk badly about yourself. I don’t understand.”

He couldn’t look away. “I...don’t know.  I’ve made some bad decisions. Sometimes, I think I’m just not a good person.”

“Am I a good person?” Jane asked, sliding her hand down and taking his in it again.

“Of course!” Steve was appalled she would ask. “You have had such crap done to you and you would have every reason in the world to be angry and lash out, but you don’t. You’re amazing.”

She looked around before whispering, “I’ve killed people.  I’ve hurt people. Some people would say that makes me bad.”

“They were bad people who did bad things. You were protecting your friends.”  

“So were you,” she replied.

“Not always,” he admitted.  At least in terms of just generally sleeping around. Getting back to the actual subject, he added, “And you haven’t hurt anyone in a long time.”

“I would have had I been there.  I would have killed him. I still want to,” she said it so nonchalantly that he was worried she might still go after Neil.

“Please don’t. Not because of him, but I don’t want that on your conscious. You’ve grown up so much since then. I would hate for you to start down that road now.”

“And be like Kali,” she nodded at him.  “No. I don’t want that either. I understand it though because I have people like you in my life. People worth protecting.”

Steve stared at her incredulously, not sure how to handle the emotions he was feeling.  “You know, I think this might be the longest one-on-one conversation we’ve ever had outside of math.”

“Because Dustin is always there and he talks too much,” she stated plainly.  

Steve genuinely laughed. “Can’t deny that,” Steve agreed.

“I’d like more conversations.  I think...maybe you don’t know how important you are to all of us. Kali said she was my sister but she really wasn’t. We were like - classmates or something like that - but she wasn’t family.  Not like you and the others are. We are family.”

“I’m getting that,” Steve answered truthfully.  “Still, sometimes families turn their backs on you and sometimes it’s warranted,” Steve explained, thinking of his own upcoming expulsion from the Harrington clan.

“Hmmnn...maybe if your parents weren’t so distant, you wouldn’t need to find closeness in others.  Who can blame a plant for reaching for an inadequate lamp when the sun is avoiding it?”

“But you’ve never felt that way. You’ve always been so...strong,” Steve said, crushing his empty container before throwing into the trash can beside them.  He couldn’t help but be simultaneously impressed by how wise she was and how annoyed he was for her being right and a better person than he was.

“I had Mike and the party. I had Jim. I had Joyce. I had Will and Jonathan.  And I had some very scary days and nights when they were there to help that few people know about. You were alone for a much longer time.  Your papa and mama weren’t like mine but they weren’t good either. We didn’t see that. We didn’t see a lot of things because we didn’t look enough and you hid too well. I’m sorry.”

“Jane, you have nothing to be sorry for.  I’m sorry I’m such a mess. But you are right.  I’ve hidden away for far too long. I need to start running towards something.  Although, maybe I should start simply with just cleaning my room,” he joked.

She smiled at him.  “No need. Took care of it while I was there.”

He gaped at her.  “How long were you at the house?  That must of taken hours!”

“Nope!”  She tapped her nose and grinned.  

Steve chuckled at the thought of her using her powers like Samantha on Bewitched.

She stood up.  “I have to go anyways.  I’m volunteering at the library for the book sale and we need to organize it.  Too bad I can’t use my powers there!”

He stood as well and she hugged him tightly.  “You want help?” he asked.

“No.  It’s one the first things I’m doing on my own without any family around.  I’m trying to...I think Jim called it ‘widening’ my social circle a little.”

“Good idea,” Steve grinned.  “I should try that, too when things settle down. Maybe we can do a movie night on Friday?  With the party? My house will still be available then, I think.”

“Burgers?”  she asked excitedly.

“On the grill,” Steve said thinking he should probably take advantage of it before he leaves.  He knew that she loved burgers on the grill almost as much as waffles.

“I’ll tell everyone.  I’ll even make potato salad.  See you later,” Jane said as she walked away.

\----

 

Steve felt lighter than he had in awhile.  He walked the paths for a while. It went around a small pond that had ducks and geese.  He bought a quarters worth of bird seed from the small dispenser and fed them. Duck feeding and contemplation - he wondered if he should suggest that to Hopper as an afternoon thing to do.  It was nice to stand there in the quiet solitude of nature and just forget everything for a few minutes gazing at the mix of swans, geese and ducks milling about.

A deep, recognizable voice broke the silence from behind him.  “I owe you an apology.” Steve jerked and turned around. Sure enough, Neil was standing there, looking worn and stressed.  

Steve quickly looked around and saw no one near them.  He swallowed his panic and tried to not feel boxed in.

“When did you get out?” Steve asked, voice tight.

Neil slid next to him, his own bird food in hand and started feeding the goose just below the deck.

“About two hours ago,” he said.

“And you came here?” Steve didn’t believe in coincidences.

“Needed to clear my head.  I’ve had some time to think but I needed some fresh air.  Plus, Susan and I argued and she wanted me out of the house for awhile.” Steve was gaping at Neil, but he was looking out over the pond, seemingly calm and collected.

He wasn’t buying the act. “OK. Well...I’m going to go.  I don’t think we have anything to say to each other,” Steve said as tried to back away.

Neil stepped in his way, blocking his exit.  “Please, don’t. I want to say I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.  I shouldn’t have treated you like that.” Neil seemed genuinely apologetic and a little flustered.

“Uh…” Steve was flabbergasted.  He’d never seen Neil ever look contrite.  “Aren’t you a little concerned about being seen with me,” Steve asked.  

Neil looked around and much to Steve’s dismay, there was still no one to be seen.  Neil looked back at Steve. “No one’s here. Plus, I’m not sure it matters anymore.  Susan left me. She came down after apparently running into you at the store and screamed her head off. Still can’t believe Powell left her into visit with me.  I’m lucky she picked me up at all today. She’s at the house packing. That’s why she asked me to stay away for a bit.”

“Can’t say I blame her,” Steve added with bite.   

“So, I guess I’ll be starting over.  Maybe learn to accept some hard truths about myself,” Neil said, right over Steve as if he hadn’t said anything.

“Yeah, good luck with that. I’m leaving now,” Steve said and finally stepped around Neil.

“So - who was the pretty little brunette you were hugging?” Neil asked as he grabbed Steve's arm on the way past.  Something in his voice made Steve nervous. Jane was in public now and she and Max were friends but Steve was still cautious about discussing her.  It’s not like Neil wouldn’t have seen her before. Steve knew Neil just wanted to see how she knew Steve and that set Steve on edge. There was a tone of jealousy in Neil’s voice that didn’t sit right with him.

“Family friend, that’s all.” Steve was good at acting calm.  All that pretending over the years taught him well. “She was checking up on me.”

“Hmmnn…that’s all?” Neil hummed thoughtfully. Steve was waiting for some kind of rant about someone else Steve was sleeping with.  Instead he got, “Well, I guess, thanks for not pressing charges.”

And crap, Steve had forgotten about telling Hopper what he had decided.  Or rather what his father decided he was sure. He’s guessing that his father called and told them to drop the charges.  He’s surprised Hopper would have done it without talking to Steve but he figured they could only hold Neil for so long.

“Had a chat with my father, did you?  How much was it worth to him?” Steve found himself clenching his fists.

Neil laughed, a little meanly.  “About twenty-five grand - if I never say another thing about what happened between us.  Thirty-five if I leave town. Which I am. My boss kindly told Susan to tell me not to return so I may as well take the money and run, I guess. After I tell some nosy neighbor about how I misunderstood the situation and that, of course, you and Billy weren’t sleeping together.  And that I was sorry I said such mean things about that nice, straight and good Harrington boy. After that, I got no reason to stay here now. He’s wiring the transfer this afternoon.  Guess he's assuming I'll keep my word. Once it’s confirmed I have it, I’m heading to Milwaukee. Got a cousin there.” He acted like Steve would care where he was going.

“Well...I guess it’s goodbye then.  And good riddance. Try not to be such a shitty person in the future,” Steve said.  So, his dad wasn’t even going to try to talk with Steve before making decisions. He really needed to move before his dad decided he needed to pay him back.  Was sure as hell glad he never told them about his ‘other’ checking and savings accounts. He probably ought to clear out the ones his parents had opened for him before he was cleaned out.

“You could come with me.  Your dad wouldn’t have to know,” Neil suggested. “I’ll treat you better.  I promise. We have some money to start with. If I have to be...this way...we should just be together.  We had a good thing. You don’t want to stay here anyways, do you?” Neil sounded like he honestly thought Steve was just waiting for him to leave Susan or some other dumb romantic shit.

Steve stared at him in horror.  “Are you fucking joking?” Steve stormed away.

Neil laughed behind him. “Couldn’t hurt to ask. You forgave Billy after he beat you, after all.  Figured a bitch like you enjoyed it.”

Steve got further away but could still feel Neil’s eyes burning into his back.  “Oh..and I lied when I said you weren’t a good fuck, because you really are. I’ll miss that ass for sure but I'm sure your daddy's money will keep me warm instead.  You take care now.” Steve’s face burned in anger and it took everything in him to just keep walking although he couldn't but flip his middle finger up at Neil as he marched off.

\----

 

Steve stopped by the bank and he was lucky.  His dad hadn’t done anything yet. He decided to go ahead and withdraw most everything on a certified check, leaving enough to keep the account open to not look too suspicious. He rushed over to the other bank (where his parents held no accounts) and deposited it before they closed at 3:00.  His father was sure to be furious if and when he found out. Odds were he would sell Steve’s car since the title was still in his dad’s name to recover some of it. He guessed in a weird way he should be grateful Neil tracked him down in the park. At least he’d had a heads up on how little his dad thought of him and how much the ‘Harrington’ name did.  At least no one confronted him like Susan Hargrove had done while he was out.

He was leaving the bank when Hopper drove past.  He had slammed on his brakes and stopped to talk to Steve.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you kid,” Hopper said, irritated.  “Been worried sick. Hargrove's out.”

“I know.  Just talked to him,” Steve said.  Hopper threw the truck into park and stepped out, waving at the traffic to go around him.  “You okay?” Hopper was eyeing him closely, probably looking for new injuries.

“Yeah...oddly enough it went ok.  Said he’s leaving town.”

Hopper raised an eyebrow.  

“My dad’s money can convince people to do a lot of things,” Steve breathed out.

Hopper looked at the bank behind Steve and then back at him.  Steve just laughed. “Long story.”

“So, you believe him?  He didn’t threaten you or anything?”

“Really, he didn’t.  He even apologized for everything.”

“Wow...I...yeah.  That seems a little too weird.  I don’t trust him.” Hopper said warily.  “Are you sure you don’t want to press charges?”

“No.  Guessing Dad called and told you I didn’t?”  At Hopper’s nod he just rolled his eyes. “It’s fine.  Probably more trouble than it’s worth. I don’t trust him either, but I think he also knows I have people looking out for me.  He didn’t know that before. And one of them is the Chief of Police so I think he has more reasons than just 35 thousand to make nice and skedaddle.”

‘35 THOUSAND? Christ, I’m in the wrong line of work,” Hopper laughed bitterly.  

“Sorry, maybe we should have thought about this scheme earlier, huh,” Steve said half-jokingly.  

Hopper face grew tight and he frowned.  “Don’t you ever joke that again. This whole thing is a mess...your father…”

Steve interrupted. “Not to stop a good rant or anything but you’re setting a poor example.  You’re blocking traffic.” Steve nodded at some people watching them and glaring at the traffic that was starting to back up.  He was beginning to hate these public displays.

“OK. Yeah, you’re right.”  He got back into his truck.  “Pack a bag. I want you at the cabin tonight to be safe.  Be there by 7:00.”

Steve almost joked that it had been several years since Hopper had asked him for that and should he wear anything special, but the look on Hopper’s face told Steve he wouldn’t appreciate the reminder of their own ill-advised trysts.  

Instead, he just agreed.  

“Jane will be there. She wants to see you,” Hopper added, as if Steve might actually think Hopper wanted sex with him again.

“I just saw her too - she was heading to the library,” Steve replied.

“Oh, yeah.  That’s tonight.  She should be done by 6:30 anyways.  I have to pick her up. So it won’t be...just us. Joyce and Will should also be there as well so long as neither of them work late.” Hopper seemed like he really wanted to reassure Steve it wouldn’t just be them.

“OK. It’ll be good to see them,” Steve said, trying not to think of the awkwardness of seeing Joyce.  It would be good to see Will, though. “I’ll pick up subs on the way. Least I can do since Jane said she cleaned my room,” Steve smiled trying to lighten the tension that had just picked up between them.  “Italian? With everything, right? And Turkey for Jane, no tomatoes.”

Hopper nodded and Steve waved him off with a “Yeah - Pick-up a couple of meatball subs and tuna subs for Joyce and Will.  I can have the extras for lunch this week. See you then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairings/Warnings in this chapter:
> 
> Steve/Neil - encounter each other. 
> 
> Steve and Jane bonding  
> Steve and Hopper conversation


	10. Never Trust a Lying Liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some actual action!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In honor of Joe's birthday, you get the rest of the story today!!

**Chapter 10 - Never Trust a Lying Liar**

It was almost 3:00 when he had gotten home.  He had a few hours to kill and he wasn’t sure what to do with it.  He decided it was time to call Jonathan to apologize for worrying him but he got no answer.  Instead, he showered, packed a bag and started figuring out what he should take with him when he left.  He also dug into his dad’s fireproof file cabinet and got his own documentation out - birth certificate, passport, social security card, etc…He decided he needed to put them somewhere safe so he was going to take them to Hopper’s and leave them there.  He wouldn’t put it past his dad to light all of it on fire when he got home to demonstrate to Steve just how much of a son he wasn’t.

Steve thought back to when he had told his dad he wasn’t going to college for a year.  He had just wanted to take a gap year, but his dad had been furious and threw all of Steve’s albums and cassettes away.

Another time Steve had forgotten to restock the kitchen before they returned home.  His dad took all of Steve’s cash, credit cards and checkbooks and held onto his driver’s license for a week.  He had only allowed Steve to eat rice and beans that week to remind him what being poor might feel like and how lucky Steve was that he had his parents to take care of things while all Steve had to do was remember to do his chores. That was the week he had decided to get another account and never tell them about it.  

The previous year he had tossed out all of Steve’s yearbooks for being an utter and complete failure for not living up to his potential. Unlike Billy, his dad never hit him, but like Billy he certainly knew what it was like to have your father actually hate you. Jesus, why hadn’t he left earlier?

Hopper would probably be proud for Steve actually thinking ahead and remembering how much of a dick his dad could be.  ‘We’re not stupid,’ Steve repeated to himself.

\---

 

Or maybe he was.  He was packed and loaded into the car by 5:00 but he didn’t feel like hanging around the house.  He decided to kill some time by driving past some of the rentals that had been advertised. None of them excited him but after one where he had an unfortunate run-in with the owner of the property, he decided he couldn’t be too picky.  If he found one where the landlord was actually willing to rent to ‘someone’ like him, he’d consider himself lucky. He marked that in the mental list of cons for staying in Hawkins. Small towns - everyone just knew about everyone’s business.  It was depressing.

While he waited for the subs to get made he decided he should actually make a written list of pros and cons.  Maybe it would help him decide the right course of action. Nancy had used that technique in the past but Steve had never tried it.  Thinking how most of his decisions had turned out, maybe it was a technique he should have been using.

The list of reasons for staying in Hawkins was short - but filled with important people.  The biggest con to leaving was where he would live and work. It was a daunting thought to go somewhere new.  He’d never left Hawkins except for a few trips as noted in his passport from when he was younger and his parents actually took him on vacation with them.  

He sat in the car for a few minutes after picking up the subs and a few bottles of soda and looked at his list.  It seemed complete until he finally remembered the biggest con of all; Could he actually leave? In the midst of everything going on, he’d almost forgotten he wasn’t allowed to leave Hawkins.  

FUCK!  

He crumpled up the paper and threw it in the passenger seat.  He had no way of contacting Krychek to even ask. It had been over a year since he had last asked the agent about it.  He’d have to wait for Krychek to contact him. Maybe now that Nancy and Jonathan were graduating and nothing had happened in the entire time they were gone, Steve could finally convince him to loosen up a little.  Hell, he’d even promise Krychek he could still visit Steve wherever he was and whenever he wanted but Steve just knew he didn’t want to stay in Hawkins any longer. He was sure of it now. His skin felt itchy and he was feeling trapped.  It was a feeling he was familiar with and often led him to make bad decisions.

\----

It was almost 6:30 so he decided to just head to Hoppers.  If no one was there yet, he’d just wait in the car and try to let the feeling pass. The subs were already smelling up the beemer.  He turned onto the main road heading out towards the cabin.

Traffic was almost non-existent.  He turned his signal on and was slowing down to take a side street when he was tapped from behind.  Annoyed, he looked behind him as he started to slow to pull over, wondering if the driver would stop to check the damage or just blow past him.  People loved to race on this road.

Except his heart stopped when he saw who the driver was behind him.  He recognized that truck and the face behind the wheel. He realized it wasn’t just some jerk trying to race down the road, it was Neil Hargrove now currently riding his ass. Steve slowed down in the hopes that Neil would just go around him and maybe the tap was just a little last fuck you before he left town. He wasn’t that lucky.  Neil stayed behind him and tapped him again, harder which actually pushed Steve passed his turn. After the third push, Steve sped up and tried to pull away to out race him. Steve and Tommy had done some drag racing out on this stretch after they had gotten their licenses until Tommy got caught one night racing Peter Wilson and his license was suspended.  It was why Steve drove everywhere that year.

Still, Steve had had some experience and the BMW was a fast car compared to the pickup Neil drove.  So he gunned it. And he was making headway until he saw movement and slammed on the brakes to avoid hitting a squirrel.  The car spun and came to a dead stop sideways on the road. Steve saw the squirrel run back into the woods, then looked up to see Neil still bearing down on him.  Steve would have thought he probably should have just hit the damned squirrel if he wasn’t so busy spinning the wheel and hitting the gas to head back in the other direction, tires squealing, in an effort to get away.  He thought Neil would just fly right past him and maybe keep on going, putting Steve in his rearview mirror.

Instead, Neil aimed directly for his car, head-on.  What the fuck!?

Steve threw the car into reverse and sped backwards down the road all while screaming “FUCK, FUCK, FUCK…” but he just couldn’t quite drive fast enough around the curves of the road.  The pickup hit Steve’s car just hard enough on the front driver’s side to push him off the road and down a small embankment. There were some small trees the car broke through and a rather large bump that clonked the back.  Almost as if it were in slow motion, the car tilted sideways and rolled.

It finally came to a stop and Steve tried to catch his breath.  He looked around as he undid his seatbelt. He could see Neil’s pick-up parked on the road but he didn’t see Neil.  

He decided he’d run to Hopper’s.  Like sex, exercise was another good way to outrun your demons and Steve ran five miles every other day to stay in shape.  He knew if Neil caught him, Steve could never out fight him, but he sure as hell could out run him.

He staggered out of the car and stood up to get his bearings, shoving his keys into his pocket.  Thankfully, he didn’t seem too injured. He was about to take off when he heard, “Don’t move.”

He looked up and Neil had a hunting rifle trained on him and was walking down the hill towards him.  Steve froze in place. Shit. What was he going to do?

He decided he couldn’t just stand there like a damn deer in headlights.

“Thought you were leaving town, Neil?”  Steve asked, trying to keep the nerves out of his voice, but knew he was failing.

Neil laughed.  “I am. Just decided to take a little souvenir with me.  After all, now that Susan’s left, I lost my job and the kids are gone and won’t even speak to me.  I’ve lost everything and it’s your fault. Thought I deserved a consolation prize but I didn’t find you at home.  Almost left without you but looky - here you are. Like you were dropped into my lap.”

Well, none of that that didn’t sound good.

“So thirty-five thousand isn’t enough?  You want a souvenir ring or something?  Maybe take a photo?” Steve tried to laugh, trying to find that same nonchalance he faked when Neil had first caught him with Billy.

Neil finally reached him and they stood staring at each other with the rifle pointed at Steve’s chest.  Neil actually licked his lip like Billy used to do. He’d never seen Neil do that before. That scared him more than anything.  Billy always did that when he was about to suggest something on the crazy side.

“You’re going to get into my truck and we’re taking a ride,” Neil said.

Yup, crazy.  “Oh, hell no.  You can just shoot me here, Neil.” Steve hoped Neil wouldn’t call his bluff.  Well, he did in a way. Steve never saw the gun flip around until he felt the end crack into the side of his head and he staggered sideways, only caught by his driver’s side mirror.  He was a little impressed out how fast Neil moved. He felt blood on his temple and moved without thinking.

He tackled Neil backwards which seemed to catch Neil by surprise.  The rifle went flying out of his hands. Didn’t do much to stop anything else though as Neil took the momentum and rolled them over before sucker-punching Steve in the nose.  Neil then swung his fist around to hit Steve again but Steve had managed to grab a large rock and hit Neil in the cheek first. Steve had learned a few things about fighting dirty in the last few years.  

Neil lost his balance off of Steve, probably not used to anyone hitting back.  Steve was able to roll away and get to his feet, but before he could run, he fell from Neil kicking the back of his left knee out which made Steve trip forward and face plant but Neil caught the back of his pants and stopped the fall.  While Steve was grateful not to land face first, it left him in an awkward position of fumbling as Neil started dragging him by his pants backwards towards the pickup.

It was slow going because Steve was not particularly light and he was struggling, wishing his damn pants and belt would give way.. Realizing it wasn’t working, Steve suddenly went limp for a second to focus on grabbing the car keys from his pocket.

It wasn’t much but he wished he’d seen the surprise on Neil’s face when Steve managed to twist and lift enough to jab a key into the back the hand that was holding Steve.  The shock caused Neil to release his hold on Steve’s belt and Steve scrambled away quickly, if less than graceful.

He ran back to his car for cover.  From around the trunk, he saw Neil pick up the rifle that he  dropped. Shit, why didn’t he think of that? A shot fired out past the car.  A warning. Steve thought quickly and opened the back door quietly and found what he was looking for.  He slid it out and squatted beside the back tire. Peering around the bumper, he saw Neill was stalking towards the car.

“Did I ever tell you what a good hunter I am, Steve?  Mostly I like to shoot buck. Usually I just kill them for their meat.  But sometimes the shot goes wrong and they’re just wounded. It’s always so interesting to watch how they struggle even when it’s obvious they’re not going to make it.  I could put them out of their misery, but usually I don’t.” Neil sounded colder than usual, and that was saying something.

“So, what? You’ve decided since I don’t want to go with you nicely, you’ll just kill me?” Steve called around the car trying to steel himself for the confrontation.  He was about to stand but was a second too late.

“I’d rather have you alive,” Neil said, suddenly in front of him, gun in his face.  Christ, Steve had misjudged his speed. “I lost everything because of you so you owe me.  Killing you is an option but I prefer making you pay off your debts in a more pleasurable way.”

“And I’d prefer if you just shot me,” Steve said, glaring up at him.

“Hey, are you ok down there?”  And that was a voice Steve was not expecting to hear.  He couldn’t even fathom how it was possible. It was calling down from the road but Steve heard the rustle of footsteps headed their way.

Neil looked up, clearly annoyed, but lowered his rifle as he pulled Steve up by his shirt. “Sure!  This young man had an accident. I saw him go over the hill. I’m going to take him to the hospital.” Neil yelled up trying to wave the intruder away, his suddenly filled with a false concern   Steve thought Neil should have gone into acting.

“Steve?” Jonathan asked loudly, voice clearly in shock.  “Oh my god, what happened?” He started running towards them but focused on Steve. He wondered if Jonathan had registered yet who was next to him.  It didn’t seem likely or Jonathan would have been more cautious.

Neil looked at Steve. “Another boyfriend?  That’s going to have to stop now. Hmmnnn...maybe I should shoot him.  Would you prefer if I shot him? That’s an easy one for me.”

“No,” Steve said quietly.  ‘Please don’t.”

“Then, you’d better play along.”  Neil turned to Jonathan, all smiles while he let go of Steve’s shirt in an effort to seem non-threatening walked forward, away from the BMW.  Steve followed closely behind him, keeping the rifle by Neil’s side in sight... “Well, I think his car is totalled but he seems okay except for a few cuts.  I’ll take him to the hospital just in case though.”

Steve saw when the recognition hit Jonathan.. His eyes widened and he paled slightly which was hard to tell in Jonathan’s case.  Yeah, Jonathan knew who Neil was and had finally recognized him. All those years of Will being friends with Max, how could he not?  But clearly Neil didn’t know him.

Steve also noted when Jonathan noticed the rifle held loosely in Neil’s right hand by the way he slowed down in his approach.  “Uh, I can take him. We were supposed to be at Chief Hopper’s a good half hour ago,” Jonathan said to Neil, clearly trying to make Neil understand that there would be consequences if anything happened to them and that Steve would be missed soon.  ‘Uh, Sorry I was running late, Steve.”

A normal person might have taken that for the warning it was and left town before making it worse, but Neil was definitely not normal.  “Oh, you’re friends, are you? What was your name again?” Neil asked, eyeing Jonathan suspiciously.

“I didn’t but it’s Jonathan Byers.” Jonathan said, eyeing the rifle Neil was now tapping in his hands.  Steve hoped that maybe Neil would recognize that Jonathan was was Chief Hopper’s stepson and that would make him hesitant to do anything rash.

“And you’re friends with the Chief of Police, too?”  Clearly, Neil had not kept up with the town gossip when Joyce and Hopper had married.  Honestly, how unaware was he? Max was good friends with the family - was Neil that clueless about her?  Although, knowing Max, she probably avoided discussing any of her friends with him by name.

Jonathan nodded and then held a hand out towards Steve. “Yeah...so we should be going.  Jim was making dinner and hates to wait. I’m sure he’ll be looking for us soon if we don’t show. He tends to get concerned about things like that.  We’ll need to stop by before I take Steve to the hospital.” Steve admired Jonathan’s attempt at getting out of this without violence but he was afraid that was not going to happen.  Neil had that same crazy look Billy used to get when he was about to go off the rails.

“Well… can’t keep a big man like him waiting now, right? Oh wait, I actually can?” He swung the rifle up and trained it on Jonathan.  “So, are you slutty like Steve here? Have you fucked Jim Hopper as well as our little Stevie?”

Jonathan looked at Steve in surprise and Steve felt flames shooting up his face in embarrassment but they had no time to worry about the shit fest that was Steve’s sex life.

“Or,” Neil continued, “Is it Steve you want?  A little bitch like you could never keep him satisfied,” Neil spat out.  “Steve - go get in the truck now or I’m shooting him.”

Steve took a deep breath.  Neil’s obsession with Steve was beyond his understanding but he was not going to let him either hurt Jonathan or himself any longer for that matter.  Steve stepped around Neil, as if to go to the pickup, but instead swung his bat, which he had been holding behind his back, right into Neil’s waist, nails digging through his shirt.  Neil screamed and whipped around, seemingly by instinct and swinging his rifle right back into Steve’s forehead. This time, Steve started to see stars, but he also saw Jonathan jump onto Neil’s back, grabbing for the rifle trying to keep him from battering Steve’s face in with it.  

The struggle caused the rifle to fly out of Neil’s hands a few feet, but then Neil locked his hands around Steve’s throat, choking him even as Jonathan tried to pull him off of Steve.  After a few moments, Steve realized Neil wasn’t budging. Jonathan must have realized it too as he saw Jonathan move away. Steve tugged at Neil’s hands to pull them away, but he was starting to get  little dizzy, probably a little sooner than usual due to his existing injuries.

“Let him go,” Jonathan said, in a firm voice from behind Neil.

“You gonna shoot me, little boy?”  Neil asked and looked behind him even as he continued to choke Steve.  Then he laughed and put more pressure on Steve’s throat. Steve heard the vague sound of a click and then Jonathan shouting, “Shit!”

“Out of bullets,” Neil said.  “Don’t worry. Think he’s almost dead.  I’ll kill you next but maybe I’ll fuck you first.” Neil starting laughing and Steve was reminded once again of the night Billy went ballistic on him at the Byers’ house - like he wasn’t even aware of what he was doing anymore.  Except that Neil was aware of what he was doing, he just didn’t care.

“Looks like I found a replacement for you after all, Steve.  See, plenty of bitches in the sea.”

Steve was enraged even as he was losing consciousness.  He almost didn’t know what he was doing when he felt the gelatinous goop on his thumb.  He pressed harder. Neil let go and fell away, screaming. “My eye - you fucking bitch!”

Steve rolled over and gasped for breath but Neil was on him again but this time Steve was face down and couldn’t shake him off.

Until he was suddenly off. Steve rolled  to see Jonathan now holding his bat, and Neil clutching his arm.  Neil turned, fury in his face, blood dripping down one eyes, clearly enraged.  Neil pulled a knife from his pocket. Jonathan squared off with him, moved to stand protectively in front of Steve, bat still in hand.  “You think you can take me with that? I will aim for your head next time.” Jonathan threatened.

Neil screamed and rushedr Jonathan but before he reached him, Neil was suddenly thrown a few hundred feet away from them.  Steve and Jonathan both looked up in confusion and saw Hopper and Jane standing up on the road, her arm slowly lowering before wiping her nose.  

Steve was never so grateful for his band of friends as he was in that moment.  Neil grunted, but he stayed down.

When he saw Jane raise her arm again towards Neil, Steve shouted, “DON’T  - DON’T KILL HIM!”

She looked at him and suddenly he felt her in his mind.  At least he thought it was. He had never felt it before.  “Mouthbreather. Bad man. Should die.” He thought very hard about how he didn’t want her to do that.  Neil wasn’t worth it and you shouldn’t kick a man when he’s already lost. That they were better than him.

He felt her huff in disagreement but she relented.  She and Hopper made their way down the hill. Jonathan dropped the bat and knelt besides Steve. “Jesus, are you ok?”

Steve smiled sweetly at him “Yeah - but you can call me Steve,” he said in a rough voice and a tired laugh.

Jonathan smacked his arm lightly.  “You idiot,” Jonathan smiled, clearly relieved.  He pulled Steve to his chest and hugged him. He then felt small arms around his back and knew Jane was there too.

“You good, Steve?” Hopper yelled across the field from where he was checking on Neil.

Before Steve could answer, Jane did.  “He needs a doctor. His head is hurting me,” she said.

Steve turned slightly towards her and chuckled.  “Maybe you shouldn’t be in it, kid.”

“I’m not a kid.  And you’re loud. Up here,” she pointed to her head.

“Guess I am,” Steve replied.

“I’ll take you to the hospital,” Jonathan said.

“I’m going, too,” Jane said.  She turned to Hopper and yelled, “I’M GOING WITH THEM!”

“Not so loud!” Steve winced.

“Now you know how I feel,” she smiled back at him.

Jonathan laughed.  “Let’s go.”

Jonathan helped him up the hill to his car, with an assist from Jane.  “Hey, how did you find me? In fact, what the hell are you doing here?” Steve finally asked Jonathan, realizing the oddness of Jonathan’s presence.

“You were hurt. I came,” Jonathan said as if that explained everything.

“Uh...but I told you not to?”

“And since when have I ever listened to you?”

“Since...uh...right. Never. You have never listened to me.”  Steve fell into Jonathan’s car feeling so relieved and grateful.  

\---

 

Hopper arrested Neil Hargrove once again and instead of having dinner, they spent the night at the hospital.

Steve had been nervous about being in the hospital knowing Neil was there being treated as well but Hopper reassured him there was a security detail on his room.  This time Neil was being charged with attempted kidnapping and attempted murder along with assault charges and they wouldn’t risk him running. Hopper also gleefully told Steve the doctors weren’t sure if Neil would get his sight back in the damaged eye.

As Steve waited on the doctor to see him, Jane explained that she and Hopper were headed back to the house after she was done at the library when she heard Steve in trouble.  It wasn’t hard to see both Hargrove’s pickup and Jonathan’s car parked on the road since it was near the house.

Jonathan refused to be checked out as he only had minor cuts and bruises and wanted to stay with Steve.  When Steve asked again why he was in Hawkins, Jonathan explained he couldn’t not come back for Steve. When Steve hadn’t returned his calls and he tried to shut him out, he knew Steve was hurting and scared.  After talking to Nancy, he jumped into his car and drove. He had literally just been driving into town when he saw the truck and the damage it had and thought he’d stop to check on the driver since he didn’t see anyone.  

It had been pure dumb luck he drove by at that moment.  He was not a religious man by any means, but Jonathan just kept repeating, “Thank God,” over and over again as Steve was deemed ok even if he was staying overnight for observation.  Given his history with head trauma and since it had been less than a week since his last head injury, the doctors were concerned about long term side effects. Short or long term memory loss, headaches, possible brain bleeds, some weird cognitive stuff.  Steve sort of hope he woke up one day speaking French. The nurse had jokingly told him about that very odd story.

“Come back to New York with me.” Jonathan said, holding Steve’s hands.  

“I appreciate it but I can’t leave Hawkins.” Steve said quietly.  Everything in him wanted to go to New York with Jonathan but he knew he couldn’t.  Not yet.

“Why not?  It’s killing you here,” Jonathan argued and squeezed his hand tightly.

“I...just can’t.  Not yet at least.”

“Is it me?  You don’t want to be with me?” Jonathan asked, pain lacing his voice.  “That’s okay...you don’t have to. I just want...no, I need you safe. And you’re not safe in Hawkins.”

“And you’re not safe if I’m not in Hawkins!” Steve blurted out, realizing the painkillers he was on was making him talk more than he wanted.  

Jonathan’s eyes widened.  He was too smart for Steve.  “What did you do?” Jonathan asked.

And Steve couldn’t lie anymore.  Maybe because he was so tired, or hurt or on meds, but he told Jonathan everything.  Why he stayed in Hawkins. The deals he made to keep them safe. He even discussed Hopper since it was out in the open.  They talked long after the nurse had politely asked Jonathan to leave for the night and Jonathan politely refused. The only thing he didn’t tell him was about Joyce but oddly enough Jonathan told him he knew about it.  Joyce had actually told him in a guilty admission after she told him about Neil’s attack and all the rumors being spread about Steve. While her name hadn’t come up, she had told Jonathan the truth.

Steve had been amazed that Jonathan hadn’t wanted to punch him himself but Jonathan said he had a lot of time to think on the drive.  In between being worried sick about Steve and longing for him terribly, he’d had time to understand what he had been missing.

And now he had a full picture of just how crappy Steve had managed his life the last few years.

“This is bullshit!” Jonathan yelled as he stormed out of the room, leaving Steve in a daze. Steve wondered if that was it: the proverbial straw.

Jonathan stormed back in the room in ten seconds, kissed Steve and then said, “I’ll be back. Don’t want you thinking we’re done here because I love you and we’re not done,” and stormed back out again.

Steve touched his lips - a bit tender from the pressure.  Leave it to Jonathan to tell him he loved Steve in the middle of a hissy fit. Steve chuckled to himself and then starting crying.  It was too much - just too fucking much. And then the crying made his eyes burn and his headache rage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairings/Warnings:
> 
> Steve/Neil (yes...he's back - you didn't really think he was going away quietly, did you?) Fight scene, attempted kidnapping  
> Steve/Jonathan


	11. Should I Stay or Should I Go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath and time to move on. And finally Billy and Max make an actual appearance!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost finished!

**Chapter 11 - Should I Stay or Should I Go?**

In the end, Steve stayed in the hospital for two days.  Two days of non-stop Dustin, Tommy & Carol and, of course, Jonathan who Tommy and Carol had thanked for saving their idiotic and reckless boy.  It was endearing watching the three of them dance around their mutual distrust and distaste for each other just because Steve was their friend. He appreciate their obvious efforts.

Hopper had salvaged everything from Steve’s car before it got towed, including his paperwork.  The Harrington’s had in fact arrived home early, and in the interest of not appearing like complete and utter dicks to the Hawkins community and their well-known Chief of Police, had allowed Steve to come home to recover long enough until he was well enough to move out on his own.  The continuing presence of Steve’s real family had been enough to keep them civil for the few days they stayed and Steve privately promised he’d be gone before they came back. His dad had been furious that there wasn’t enough money in the account to cover the costs of the bribe and that the car was a total loss.  That was ok because they didn’t need a car in New York. They had Jonathan’s who had kept his.

Jonathan - who’s unexpected declaration of love had proven to be not just a spur of the moment thought.  He’d stormed down to Hopper to demand he fix this issue and let Steve leave Hawkins. Hopper, just as in shock as Jonathan was had had no idea that Steve had essentially been blackmailed into staying in Hawkins.  

Hopper did however have contacts at the FBI and tracked down Krycek. Steve didn’t know what kind of deal Hopper may have made but it wasn’t long until Krycek showed up at his door. In one of the few moments Steve had been left alone, the man had appeared briefly just to tell him he was free to go and live his life the way he wanted which was a great relief.  And he added that he’d never have to worry about Neil again which Steve didn’t know how to feel about. How could he know? Steve still had to get through the trial and there was a chance it could not go Steve’s way. Then he didn’t have to worry about it. Apparently Neil had committed suicide when he wasn’t allowed out on bail. Used some sheets to hang himself. Steve tried not to think about how Krycek would know he’d never have to worry about him again.  He wondered if Max or Billy would blame him. Or if they’d even come back for the funeral.

 

Two weeks.  That’s all it had been before Steve was loading up Jonathan’s car to leave for new York. Amanda had graciously accepted his resignation and offered to be a reference. Jonathan had to go back as he was starting a new position.  He was on his way out when the phone rang. He almost didn’t answer - but for one last time he said, “Harrington residence.”

“Steve?”

“Billy?”  His heart raced just a little.  Billy’s voice was just a tad too close to Neil’s

“Yeah...I uh...just wanted to see how you were.”

“Yeah.  Um I’m ok.  Getting ready to leave actually,” he replied.

“Oh, well I don’t want to keep you.  We can talk later.”

“No, I mean I’m leaving Hawkins.  Going to New York.”

“New York, huh?  That’s a long way.  Isn’t that where Wheeler is?”

“Yeah - but that’s not why I’m going.  I’m going with Jonathan.”

“Ah. Well, guess I’m not too surprised.  He always did have an eye for pretty things.”

“How are you?” Steve asked, feeling awkward as fuck.  He wasn’t sure if he should say sorry about his dad or not.  He wasn’t sorry - but he knew Billy must have a fuckton of conflicting emotions.

“OK.  Things are going ok.  I’m...getting help. Thought you should know that.” Billy’s voice was thick, as if he were having problems swallowing.

“That’s good.  I’m going to, too.  When I get to New York, that is.”  And it was true. Jonathan, for as much as he hated doctors, was pretty insistent that he at least talk to someone for awhile.  Which was rich since Jonathan hated talking but he’d done a good bit of it. They’d also promised to give themselves a break and just date for awhile without having sex.  In fact, Nancy, in her usual organizational and bossy way, made them circle on a fucking calendar the date they were first allowed to have sex again and it was two months away.  When Steve had complained he let her have only one month, she said, “That’s because I didn’t know you were using sex as a shitty coping mechanism. And be grateful - I was going to say four months, but I know that’s just unrealistic.  And I’m allowing you make out sessions so long as there’s nothing more than a hand job after the first month.” Jonathan and he were going to take that time to really work things out, including how they want to have their sex life and what, going forward, it might look like - exclusive or open, private or clubs, kinks wanted or not wanted and Steve learning to say no when he wanted to.  That last was going to be the hardest but he was holding himself accountable for not disappointing Jonathan.

“Good. So, uh shitbird wants to say hello to you.”

“OK.  Take care Billy.  And if you’re ever in New York, stop by.  Maybe we can talk, yes?”

“Sure.  And if your...thing in New York doesn’t work out, come to Cali.”

“Hey Steve!” Max’s voice rang clear and high pitched.  “I uh...fuck I don’t even know how to say it. I am so, so sorry - for everything. Mike just told me about everything.”

“Mike? I didn’t know you and he…”

“He spent an hour yelling at me at first because he said you were doing for me.  Well...he tried to yell at Billy but Billy kept hanging up on him. I just got lucky and picked up.  He didn’t even realize it was me at first. But I got the gist and finally told him to make some damned sense.  And you know Mike - then I got everything he knew from everyone. Jesus - he’s a worse gossip than Dustin sometimes.”

“I’m sorry about that.”

“NO...No...I’m glad he called.  Steve I’m not sure how much he said was true but if you even did a fraction of what he said to protect me and Billy...I’m so sorry you had to.  But it did work. I thought you should know that. I know we didn’t spend a lot of time together so you didn’t see me, but things were so much better after - the whole thing.  To think I thought Billy left me alone because of my stupid threat.”

‘Shut the fuck up, Maxine!” Billy yelled from the background, but it was clear from their laughter it was said in fun.

“I owe you so much.  I don’t even know where to start.  I’m so pissed at Neil. Billy and I  - well, we’re not coming back. Mom’s pretty much packed up everything she wants and selling the house after everything settles down. I just...he was my step-father and he so mean for awhile...then he said he was getting therapy and he got better. It was almost like a real family for awhile - but like it was all pretend.  Like somehow he had to get something in return for just being a decent person. It sucks.”

“Yeah...I’m sorry about that,” Steve said.  He looked up and Jonathan was standing by the door.  Steve pointed his finger up to indicate another minute.  Jonathan nodded and went to use the bathroom.

“Steve...did I hear you tell Billy you’re moving?”

“To New York.”

“Ok. Good.  Look. Billy just left.  I also wanted to say you know Billy would love for you to come out here.  I mean...he’s told me about you two and the uh...mistakes he’s made. But he has changed.  He’s trying really hard. And I think he did it for you.”

“I’m glad he is.  But I’m going with Jonathan,” Steve said, trying to head her off.  As tough as Max could appear, she sometimes had a romanticized notion of what love should be - your one and only, true love - all the bullshit magazines and movies try to sell you without saying how much work it is and how sometimes even if it seems great, it’s not good or healthy and that love can’t always save you from yourself.  And he really needed to stop listening to Nancy’s rants about it. In some ways, love in fact did save Steve but he also knew Jonathan and he had a long way to go and Steve himself had to do a lot of work not to screw things up.

“Oh..well okay.  Yeah. Billy knows that?”

“I just told him.”

‘That’s why he’s smoking.  He’s been trying to quit. Haven’t seen him do that for awhile.”

“I hope I wasn’t the only reason he’s changed.  That doesn’t work..”

“No. no…” Max interrupted him.  “Billy is actually seeing someone although I don’t think it’s serious.  You were just his first real love and he tends to compare them to you. But - no I think he’s definitely happier.  I’m sure it’ll be ok.”

Steve smiled.  She really was a closet romantic.  He doubted he was really Billy’s first love but he also acknowledged that Billy had actually, and still seems to, care for him.  

Steve said his goodbyes, after giving Max Jonathan’s phone number.  JOnathan came out of the bathroom. “Was that Max?”

Steve nodded.

“Everything’s ok?”

Steve looked at Jonathan.  “Everything’s fine.” He stepped into Jonathan’s space and kissed him softly.

“Let’s go home, then,” Jonathan said, getting into the driver’s side.

They walked out after double-checking everything was off, Steve locked the door.  He looked at the house for a few seconds, taking in the last moments of living in this place and all the weight it held in his heart - from absent and dismissive parents, to parties where friends drank and had fun but also went missing, to barbecues with movies with people he liked to stilted dinners with people he didn’t know, to sexual escapades both fun and not with people he liked and those he didn’t, to nightmares sleepless nights after traumatic experiences to his safety being shattered in an instant in his own bedroom.  So much had happened here. And yet, he wasn’t going to miss it at all.

“Yeah, let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairings - Steve/Jonathan, Steve/Billy


	12. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue - which I hope still has some surprises - good ones!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are a staunch Steve/Jonathan and with no one else involved, you can stop after One Year Later. If you like only a trio...you can end after two years later. If you are open to more with Billy, you can finish it. It's almost a choose your own final pairings!

**Epilogue**

**One year later**

Jonathan and Steve had settled into a fairly stable relationship even if there were some kinks - both metaphorically and sexually speaking - to work out.  Steve was working on an accounting degree in the evenings (which surprisingly his parents agreed to pay for) and seeing a therapist. It had taken him a couple of attempts to find the right one. So many of them were judgy douchebags who only wanted to make Steve ‘normal’ in whatever way they deemed acceptable rather than help him understand what made him happy.  

The first time Jonathan and Steve had had sex again, on the approved calendar date, had been intense and embarrassingly short. Nancy had sent them a basket of erotic things to celebrate which they didn’t play with anything in it for a full month. They had even decided to skip the condoms as it had been the first time for either of them in a long time and both had been tested.  Just being with each other like that had felt amazing. Eventually though, Jonathan had pulled a pair of black lacy panties out and asked Steve to model them before using some fur-lined handcuffs on Steve. 

********

 

**Two years later**

Jonathan and he had agreed it was okay if Steve still had a much stronger sex drive and, at times, disparate kink tastes than Jonathan but their compromise that Steve had to learn to say no when he really wasn’t interested in someone and had to ask Jonathan when he was seemed to be a good one.  It fed Jonathan’s voyeuristic tendencies and gave a measure of safety to Steve to have Jonathan present during more adventurous outings. 

Nancy had been welcomed in as their first ‘outside party’ because Steve and Jonathan knew she was the safest bet even if sometimes Jonathan pressed Steve about his desire to go back to Nancy full-time.  Steve knew Nancy was one of the few people Jonathan felt insecure about even if he enjoyed watching them. He loved photographing them together even if he made sure no faces were shown. Steve could tell their time together sometimes created a taut line between the three of them by the way Jonathan always reclaimed Steve afterwards, sometimes physically but sometimes Jonathan verbalized his doubts.  

_ “I mean, Steve, you could have a normal life.  You know - get married, have kids. I know you want them someday.”  _

_ “Jonathan.  I love you. I chose...and I still choose you.  I mean - yeah I love her in a way too but there’s too much baggage there and quite frankly, while I like her domineering spirit in bed, sometimes the day-to-day gets to me.  You know, I don’t do well with nagging.” Jonathan had laughed because he knew all too well the more he nagged about Steve forgetting to call when he was running late or taking the trash out, the less likely Steve would be to do it.  It had taken Steve a few months to realize that Jonathan used a rewards system instead of nagging to get Steve to do what he was supposed to for those times Steve didn’t do it on his own. It worked rather well.  _

The club that Jonathan had photographed in the past had introduced them to new people and activities they could practice without worry.  Some things worked, some things not so much, but somehow Jonathan and Steve had an ease between them that worked well for living together.  While Jonathan had known about Joyce, they never discussed it. They did decide they needed to tell Nancy about her mother. She had been surprisingly unsurprised by it. She wished she’d been shocked but she wasn’t.  Steve wasn’t the first affair her mom had. Her mom had been clearly unhappy in her marriage for years until they started counseling after Steve’s time with her. It was partly why Nancy did not want to be married. She had been surprised to learn Billy wasn’t one of them.  Steve was just grateful that the two most important people to him saw past his biggest mistakes and forgave him. 

  
  


**Four Years Later**

Jonathan and Steve were firmly entrenched in their unorthodox relationship.  Some people might judge them for having occasional bed partners outside themselves.  They might say that Steve and Jonathan truly didn’t love each other if they couldn’t be faithful to only each other.  Except they were - as they defined it. They accepted they both had some needs the other might not be able to fill, but instead of outright denying it, they worked within the boundaries they set to fulfill them as much possible.  They did nothing without the other’s full awareness and acceptance. 

Jonathan had become comfortable enough with Nancy that he sometimes participated.  Not that he touched her much, but he liked giving directions and enjoyed when they made what she jokingly referred to as her favorite lunch - “a Steve sandwich.” He also enjoyed just kissing her even if he wasn’t interested in her more feminine parts outside of just appreciating her beauty. He also felt more comfortable as she had been dating other people off and on so he felt less like she wanted to run away with Steve. She tried to reassure him by allowing him to set all the rules and she and Steve never did anything with just the two of them without Jonathan’s knowledge.  

Steve gave Jonathan a ring for  _ “someday - when we can do this legally.”  _ Jonathan had blushed furiously but wore it around his neck constantly (couldn’t keep taking it off for the chemicals in the developing room).  Steve wore his on his finger for the world to know he was taken. Sometimes he wore a collar with Jonathan’s name on it when they went to the club or stayed at home. It seemed to reassure Jonathan that ultimately Steve was his no matter who they played with.

Billy Hargrove had also made a reappearance.  He had visited at the club one night while in New York. After a long-heartfelt conversation with Jonathan and Steve, they began to make peace.  Billy was still as handsome as ever, moreso without the mullet, but seemed far more settled in himself. Max was graduating and planning to take a job in New York so they were there looking for apartments.  She couldn’t afford one on her own but Billy had just broken up with someone and wanted a fresh start. Steve had been impressed with how far they had come that they were willing to live together. 

One night, after drinking quite a lot, Jonathan had pulled out the photos of Billy and Steve and had shown them to Billy.  

“I shouldn’t have done this,” Jonathan said.

“I didn’t know you still had them,” Steve replied as Billy went through the photos.  He wasn’t sure where Jonathan was going with this but he never did anything without reason.

“Damn, princess.  You were so pretty back then.  What happened?!” Billy laughed, but Steve saw a hint of emotion.  Up to then, Billy had kept them at arm’s length - friendly but nothing more, even if Steve had noticed that he often watched them at the club the few times Jonathan let Steve play publically. Jonathan wasn’t prone to wanting that but he was happy to give directions to others when Steve felt the need.

“Fuck you. I’m still pretty,” Steve replied, hitting him in the face with a pillow.

“Pretty annoying,” Billy retorted.

“You were both so pretty.  I...fuck...that was the moment I knew.”  Jonathan said quietly. 

Billy looked up at Jonathan, then to Steve and back. “Ah...well.  Glad to have been of service to your sexual awakening, Byers.” He sat the photos down and sat up.  “I should...probably be going.”

“DON’T!” Jonathan squeaked.  He was beet red and Steve finally had a sense of where this was going.  Jonathan rarely wanted anyone except Steve. Jonathan gave so much to Steve that he wouldn’t deny Jonathan if he finally wanted something for himself.

“Sweetheart...it’s okay.  You want to…?” Steve trailed off, not sure how uncomfortable they were making Billy.  

“You want to bone me, Byers?” Billy asked.  Clearly, not that uncomfortable if the tongue now wagging in Billy’s mouth was any indication.

“Maybe,” Jonathan said, looking to Steve.  Steve was trying to figure out what was going unsaid but clearly Billy had him figured out.

“Or you want to watch me with your boy, here?” Billy asked.  “Up close and personal, yeah? Relive that glorious moment?” He waved towards the photograph.

Jonathan smiled weakly at Steve, looking very sheepish.  Jonathan may never had asked for much in the way in the way of new kinks but he’d never been shy about them either.  He just generally responded to visuals - he liked watching - whether it was Steve with someone or alone, in pretty lingerie or leather chaps or just watching Steve’s eyes when he came.  But it was always with Steve’s complete acceptance and desire. Steve knew this time Jonathan was afraid that Steve would do this because Jonathan wanted it but not because he wanted to be with Billy again.  

Steve couldn’t lie.  There was some trepidation there.  It felt like a ginormous can of demoworms (were they a thing?) being opened.  Steve looked at Billy and could see that while there was definitely desire there, there was concern as well.  This was a lot more baggage than Nancy ever brought with her.

Steve took Jonathan’s hands.  “I want you to be sure about this and I have no issues if you and Billy want to do something...but I think we all also need to think more about this.”  He looked at Billy and smiled. “I can...yeah Billy you’re still hot, but I think you and I - maybe need to take a few days and decide when we haven’t been drinking.”  He rubbed his thumb over Jonathan’s hand “This isn’t a no forever for me...but maybe a no for now.” And Steve thinks, _ ‘Look at me - I’m actually saying no.’ _  He’s changed so much.  And considering how horny he actually was feeling now, he calls that growth.

====   


 

It only took two weeks for Steve to finally change his mind to a yes.  He can’t deny the sexual fantasies that had spinning around his head since that night.  Billy may have been an ass and Steve may not have enjoyed how they started out, but Billy had been satisfying near the end when he had apparently developed some positive feelings towards Steve.  Steve had also learned he enjoyed rough sex on occasion, but that wasn’t something Jonathan was overly comfortable with doing. He didn’t like actually hurting anyone. He could watch it but others sometimes filled that need for Steve to have some pain with his pleasure.  Nancy was decent enough at it but even she was sometimes too soft for Steve. He didn’t always need it. Like spice to a recipe, it added flavor he enjoyed at times. That’s often the reason they went to the club - so Steve could find someone who could bring a bit more pain.  Just not too much. Billy used to be a little too much, but with Jonathan’s guidance Steve thought it could be just right on occasion. 

Being able to watch Jonathan and Billy together at some point was a sure inspiration.  Steve would have to be clear though that Jonathan did not like pain. It would be interesting to see if Billy had it in him to be soft. 

Jonathan and he talked had long conversations before approaching Billy (and informing Nancy so she didn’t have a cardiac arrest when she found out).  She had been surprisingly okay with it. She had kept in touch with Max over the years more than either Steve or Jonathan and knew more about Billy and his time in California. 

Outside of Nancy, they had few regular partners they played with - mostly regulars at the club that they didn’t associate with outside of it. He thought that perhaps Billy could be one of them but with more friendship involved.  If they did, there were going to be a fuckton of rules but Steve thought it could be amazing. The idea of him and Jonathan with Nancy and/or Billy at the same time was something worth savoring.

Steve may still be a slut, but it’s not by accident anymore.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end! What started off as a little crack fic (supposed to be smut) between me trying to figure out if I ship Steve with any one particular person and a response to Joe's quip about him "shipping everything", this turned into one of my longest fics yet, or at least one of them! I love his character and think so much could be done with it. It is a fun character to study and expand on. All the characters are interesting that way - they all have good and bad qualities just in different amounts. This is also a fun world for me to play in since I grew up in this era.
> 
> I can now go back and work on my more general fic that I started before this (haven't decided if there's a ship or not in it but everyone will be present!) Might be awhile until I start posting that. 
> 
> As promised, here's a list of all the pairings and major warnings for the fics if you were hesitant to try this story:
> 
> Endgame ship - Steve/Jonathan + Nancy + Billy 
> 
> During the course of the story (in no particular order)  
> Steve/Jonathan  
> Steve/Nancy  
> Steve/Billy (some coersion/dubcon here but because of a deal Steve makes. He volunteers for it)  
> Steve/Neil (same deal - but also has assault involved)  
> Steve/Hopper  
> Steve/Joyce  
> Steve/Tommy  
> Steve/Carol  
> Steve/Karen Wheeler  
> Steve/FBI agent (coersion/deal)  
> Steve/Female OC - his boss  
> Other random mentions (yeah - he gets around. Kind of the point of the story)
> 
> since most of the sex is not described other than in passing, I won't mention them. Probably the warning is in the ship itself (ie. coersion or dubcon, age difference, power dynamics). There is a minor panic attack, some language, slut-shaming, mention of a gun kink (that DOES NOT happen), infidelity (not on Steve's part), unconsensual voyeurism & exhibitionism.
> 
> Mostly this is a character piece with a lot of Steve bonding with friends in the aftermath of an assault and realizing that maybe he was using sex as an unhealthy coping mechanism but still doesn't negate the fact he enjoys sex. He just needs to make better decisions around it.

**Author's Note:**

> As an FYI...I am from this time frame and an area similar to Hawkins. ST was my childhood minus the supernatural (although we played at ghost-hunting!). I would have graduated with Steve (yes, I am old and have been in fandom a long time). That said, I worked in a video store that rented out porn back then in small town- including gay porn. It was easy to get. Lots of people rented it - I know. 
> 
> Also, at least in my high school, we were pretty open about sex and gay sex then. Hell - we were hardcore Rocky Horror Picture Show attendees (I was Columbia ). Our parties included alcohol, pills and smokes and sex - sometimes with more than one partner (oddly not me so much as I was a designated driver!). What can I say - it was the 80s. Or maybe just the folks I ran with. There were open gay and bi guys and women in my school and in my circle. Not many but we had them. It wasn't as unheard of as it's often portrayed in the stories I've read. I think individual experiences apply here and I'm basing reactions on what I think I would have actually seen happen back then had this happened in my environment.
> 
> Last - I hate my current laptop and sometimes it has a tendency to move my cursor while I'm typing or editing even when I think I have reviewed it, something may crop up. Please let me know of any serious issues in terms of missing words, moved half-sentences, etc.. It seems to be an ongoing battle. This laptop is most of the reason I haven't been writing. it's such a pain.


End file.
